fatcats

We also contacted James following Ollie's recommendation above and I second everything he says in his review. Would definitely recommend.

Thank you all so much and sorry for the delay in replying. I hit a bit of a wall a few weeks ago and wanted to avoid the whole topic and clear my head for a while. Captkerk, thank you so much for your kind offer and I hope your move went well. Apologies that it took so long to reply and thank you for your constructive advice, it has given me a lot to think about. Astrid, we visited Folkestone at the weekend and it is certainly has a lot going for it. The Harbour Arm on Sunday morning was so beautiful and peaceful.

Thanks once again to all. I haven?t been swayed one way or the other but many of you gave me lots of things to think about that I hadn?t considered previously. Also, some of your posts were so kind and thoughtful I was really touched and I just wanted to thank you again for taking the time to post. Just to answer a couple of questions: 2-2.5 hour commute ? this is door to door and often involves a nursery pick up/drop off also which adds time as it involves a slightly longer route to work. Freelancing in London ? this could limit our options as if we did want to move we might need to show 2-3 years of freelance earnings. My current job is quite flexible in terms of working from home once a week or so and it?s a very interesting and not too stressful role so I am a bit loathe to give this up just yet. It?s not a clock watching place and quite laid back, a pleasant contrast from other roles. The commute is more complicated because of the nursery diversion. Folkestone ? funnily enough we have considered this area. I love other parts of the Kent Coast but have never been there. We would need to visit and get a feel for the place. One concern is I really want the energy of being in a bustling city which is why I?m drawn to Brighton. I also feel that Brighton has plenty of energy all year around whereas other seaside towns may a bit too quiet in the winter. But definitely worth investigating. Renting to see if we like it ? this is quite a headache because of moving my son?s nursery, we also have pets which many landlords don?t like. However, I do think renting for a couple of weeks could be an option that isn?t too complicated. Too short obviously but a taster at least. House prices ? have been spending far too much time on Rightmove over the past year or so. House prices are similar but there are a lot of variables, proximity to the sea is a huge one obviously. From area to area, street to street is very different. As the most ridiculous, most ballpark of generalisations it seems you get 1 x extra bedroom in Brighton/Hove for your money vs London. Thank you to the poster who said I sound tired! This is a big factor tbh. Really looking forward to the Easter break and spring/summer should really be around the corner now which always makes London more fun. Louisa, thank you for the post about not having regrets. This plays on my mind a lot. I have read that for most people one of their biggest regrets is not spending enough time with their children when they are small. And also having the energy to make the post of the time we do have together.

Hello All I don't have the brain cells left today to write any kind of intelligent response, but I wanted to thank you all so much for taking the time to reply. You have all given me food for thought from so many different perspectives. Thanks again

No idea why I am asking a bunch of strangers on a forum. Perhaps hoping some of you may have been there, done that and have some advice. Maybe it?s this never-ending winter we?re having but I suddenly really want to leave London. Working full time, commuting 2+ hours a day, looking after a young toddler but being too tired at weekends to really do much or make the most of our time together. In London also we are paying back debts left right and centre from borrowing the house deposit, doing up a house, debts accrued on mat leave, and although we are managing the repayments ok there is nothing left over for fun weekends away etc that would make life feel less of a slog. We?ve been thinking a lot about Brighton, well Hove, actually. Main attraction is it?s a city by the sea so not too much of a culture shock. Both myself and my partner work in creative industries so we could probably find freelance work at least down there. We can potentially get a slightly bigger house and a bigger garden (and consolidate debts) and although we would both aim to work full time we hopefully won?t have to add a 2-hour commute on top of that. It?s like I?ve recently become completely immune to London?s charms but I?m not exactly sure why. I think it?s this winter but also that it takes so long to get anywhere, even for leisure and social time in addition to the week day commute. But then just as I feel like I?ve made the decision to move I think about all the amazing things to do in London (despite the crowds and long travel times) and realise we couldn?t replicate there in any of the places that we?re considering. Oh and we don?t have any friends in Brighton or Hove really which also makes it a big daunting. I realise no-one can make the decision for us, it would just be good to get some opinions. Hence me posting on the East Dulwich Forum. Maybe there?s even people who?ve tried it and loved it or tried it and came back. It?s probably obvious reading this but I?m completely confused, and I just know I don?t want to continue with our situation as it is the moment.

luka07 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I always been in cafes around East and North > Dulwich, and sometimes we don't find place to seat > and eat because there is lots of mothers with > babies inside drinking one coffee and stays for > hours!!!! babies cries, moms moving around and > "real" customers don't feel in peace in a coffee > place. > I really understand the owners point, he probably > is feed up about this situation every day, but the > mothers in this area they thinking they are the > best people in the world just because they caring > a baby.... But someone needs to work, and coffee > stores become a nice place for moms to seat and > chat for hours and they don't thinking maybe they > take so much place and don't consume... a piece of > bread is not a profit! > well... every one see the world in a different > away, maybe one day this people can understand and > respect the space of others. Its ridiculous the > away the people spent time and efforts in publish > on social media bad experience instead to use this > tools in positive things... its look like they > really don't have anything better to do... and its > sad! > > *of course exist good people, and my comment not > apply for every mom... but please note that my > comment is in general and about what I see > everywhere... Love the idea perpetuated on this forum that *in general* being a mum involves sitting and chatting for hours. Because mums are not busy, not busy at all. They just sit around, chatting for hours. Not a care in the world. Because babies and small children definitely tolerate sitting in drinking and eating establishments for hours. Said a lot of people on a forum who have clearly not spent much time recently in the company of babies and young children. But nevertheless they are qualified to suggest that *in general* mums just sit around, with nothing to do, except get in people's way and ruin their coffee and dining out experiences with their stupid buggies and their selfish friends. Also love that the debate over one specific incident has opened the seal to all the pent up hatred and frustration of mothers in public places in SE22 and beyond. Did you ever think that maybe it's not one group of mothers sat around for hours? But perhaps in an area with a high proportion of mothers and young children that it could be groups arriving at various times? Could someone also provide some factual information that shows mother spends less per visit to a drinking/eating out establishment than other members of the population? As it's being reiterated so frequently on this forum it's in danger of becoming established in people's mind as a fact. If it's going to be yet another stick to beat mothers with, let's at least make sure it's got a basis in fact

NewWave Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Loz Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > Rubbish. The owner didn't 'turf them', merely > > asked her to step outside for a while with said > > kiddy after it had gone for (according to them) > > three minutes (but probably a fair bit longer). > > But instead she and her friends decided to > storm > > out in a huff and complain on social media, > which > > although seems to have the initial effect they > > wanted, seems to be coming down in favour of > the > > cafe. So, 2-1 to the cafe, it seems. > > > > The parent should have had enough > self-awareness > > to take the crying baby outside herself until > it > > settled. What is wrong with some people? > > > I'm totally on the side of the Brick-House and > what a sniveling s**t the mother was who ran to > the press about this. > I do find there are groups of mothers with babies > who are totally oblivious to the needs of other > customers in the place and spread out in big > groups with buggies blocking the way, Carry cots > (or car seat things)on the tables, wet wipes, > feeding gear, back packs..again all on the tables > leaving it hard for a customer like myself > spending ?12 on a relaxed lunch to find a clear > space to eat. > I'm not a baby hater BUT I think its ridiculous > the way these groups seem to take over large areas > of the cafe for long periods of time (Longer than > it takes me to get served,eat, digest and > leave)nursing a cup of coffee a piece. > I've also witnessed in a last week a mum letting > her baby sit and crawl on the table..unhygenic and > possibly dangerous for the baby should it grab an > item of cutlery. > They seem to treat it as some sort of 'club'....If > your baby is crying as babies will at times pick > it up, walk up and down, soothe it and if worst > comes to worst take it outside and walk up and > down the street for a few mins. > The baby was probably crying because it wanted to > be out in the fresh air being wheeled along seeing > interesting colours and life-it was probably bored > out of its mind being stuck in a cafe for hours > listening to its mother going yadda yadda over an > empty coffee cup with her mates. You don't have kids, that much is obvious, but if/when you do I hope you remember everything you've written here.

dis...dat...d'udda Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > we need to remember that this is after all SE 22 > (Self-entitlement 22?) where "some" people seem to > think they deserve to be given special > privileges. > > as a grandmother I appreciate to have > child-friendly cafes to go with my grandchild for > a short visit but...I also appreciate that there > should also be some cafes for when we prefer to > have a coffee and a quiet conversation with > friends or just simply read... > > children do not want to be in a caf? and naturally > use them as playgrounds... > "some" mothers seem more interested in talking to > other mums than attending children needs...not a > good combination. > > I remember going to a very child-friendly local > caf? and a child was sitting on a potty at the > very entrance. when I told the mother there was a > toilet she simply shouted that I shouldn't judge > her. > oh well...perhaps more common sense, consideration > and understanding could help? This was a 3 month old baby. There was no potty, no messy food, no running around, just a very young baby that was crying, as babies do. The cafe purports to be baby and child friendly, with high chairs etc. Other posters have also said it tends to be noisy, so it could actually have seemed like a very safe choice. How is a parent supposed to tell if a place is genuinely child friendly or not, especially if it's got high chairs etc? And how can a cafe claim to be child friendly and yet ask you to leave if your baby is crying? It's ridiculous to claim to welcome babies and young children as long as they don't exhibit behaviours associated with babies and young children. Over the years I've seen a lot of people on this forum complain about babies/kids in pubs (and their mothers obviously - never the dads. Particularly when their mothers have the cheek to meet up with other mothers. That really gets their goat). But these posters object to them being in coffee shops also.

This is great, thank you so much for sharing this!

keano77 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Much of what you say is true. I'm simply > questioning your inability to see that not > everybody might have thought it appropriate while > they're eating their dainty sandwiches and yummy > cakes. Some might have thought it inconsiderate of > the other diners. It's not an inability. Neither am I saying like it or lump it. The reality is that the alternatives you have put forward are not feasible, if you care to understand the mechanics of breastfeeding and how it works. Everyone has an opinion of course. But mothers can't simply 'grab a bottle' 'disappear off for 5 minutes' or 'feed before they go out' because this simply isn't it how it works. These are statements bandied around by a lot of anti-public breastfeeding types/misogynists and because such a tiny proportion of women actually breastfeed they don't get challenged anywhere near enough. Read the comments beneath any Daily Mail (one of the most read websites in the world) article on breastfeeding - the level of ignorance is frightening and it's amplified time and time again.

keano77 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > fatcats Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > keano77 Wrote: > > > -------------------------------------------------- > > > ----- > > > Some good points there fatcats but the woman > in > > > Claridges could still have asked for a > discrete > > > comfortable area rather than be in full view > of > > > other diners. If Claridges can't provide such > > > facilities then there's no hope for anywhere > > else. > > > > So she should have isolated herself from her > > group? If so what would be the point of joining > > them in the first place? > > She could have chosen to remove herself > temporarily. Instead the whole room full of diners > shared the experience and when the poor waiter > offered her a serviette she felt humiliated Because obviously none of them would have been facing another direction. None could have averted their eyes, perhaps even focusing on their dining companions instead. None of them could have welcomed the sight of a mother feeding her baby, a scene they may have admired in famous paintings and other artworks in art galleries all over the world. In art it's apparently beautiful, symbolic of all sorts of wonderful things. In real life it's inappropriate, disgusting and inconsiderate.

It's misogyny plain and simple. Either unconscious or conscious, but jumping to the worst possible conclusions about why a woman might behave in a certain way, rather than choosing to see behaviour in a positive light - ie comforting, feeding, nurturing a helpless baby FFS - screams misogyny to me.

keano77 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Some good points there fatcats but the woman in > Claridges could still have asked for a discrete > comfortable area rather than be in full view of > other diners. If Claridges can't provide such > facilities then there's no hope for anywhere else. So she should have isolated herself from her group? If so what would be the point of joining them in the first place?

keano77 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I agree lavender and nobody is doing anything > wrong by breast feeding in public. > > The point I'm making is there is a time and a > place for everything and manners and consideration > for others ought to come into consideration. > > There has been a spate of stories in the news > where women have been stopped from breast feeding > or asked politely to do it discretely only for > them to take to social media claiming how > humiliated they felt and so on. Off the top of my > head some recent high profile cases were a lady > having tea at Claridges, a woman in the V&A and a > former Senator making a point in the Australian > Parliament. > > The woman in Claridges could easily have expressed > milk in advance and used a bottle or asked to use > a discrete place. Why did she assume other guests > paying up to ?150 for dainty sandwiches and fine > cakes and pastries would be happy to see her > breast feed in front of them. > > There is an attitude among some that it's my > right to breast feed my child anytime any place > and if others don't like it they can lump it So much of this post demonstrates complete ignorance - not stupidity, but ignorance. It's so sad that mothers face so much pressure to breastfeed and then so much ignorance from the public who (sort of) understand that breastfeeding is best but don't have the first clue about the mechanics of how it all works. And don't bother to find out before venting their views on a forum. Do some of the posters on here with less than progressive views ever stop and wonder why the UK has the lowest rates of breastfeeding in the world? Firstly, breastfeeding mothers are strongly discouraged by all health professionals from using a bottle (and dummy for that matter) for up to the first 6 weeks of a baby's life to avoid 'nipple confusion'. Nothing to do with either having money, or not having money. So expressing is out, as is formula. Secondly, the idea that 'the woman in Claridges could easily have expressed a bottle in advance' er...what? Expressing is a slow process, the milk doesn't appear by magic and it's not always an option to sit there with a pump attached to your breast for hours. If you have a baby, you are, by default, busy. If you have more than one child, you're even less available to sit still for hours and express a bottle. Another thing is that babies can quite easily consume one bottle and then shortly afterwards be crying out for another one. They don't have appetites that run to a clock and the current health advice strongly recommends feeding on demand. Thirdly, many babies that are used to being breastfeed won't take a bottle, because it isn't comforting to them in the way that breastfeeding is. Fourthly, breastfeeding calms babies down in a way that bottlefeeding doesn't. So where you see a selfish exhibitionist mother who doesn't care about the people around her, what you could choose to see is someone who wants to calm her baby down or even feed it to sleep, and in doing so create a much more peaceful atmosphere for everyone around her. And no, not all babies take a dummy either. Finally, babies clusterfeed which means you can't even plan to pop to Claridges at a time when you know your baby won't be hungry. It doesn't work like that. You're dealing with small human beings who have regular growth spurs, and tiny stomachs. Not robots, or pets. Babies don't run to a neat schedule (regardless of what the likes of Gina Ford say, whose wisdom is based on formula fed babies). Why oh why is it easier for some people on here to believe that women are exhibitionists who are dying for the opportunity to expose their breasts, rather than actually thinking about how likely that is, and wondering if perhaps there are other reasons instead? And maybe even looking up what these reasons might be, before venting opinions that make life even more guilt ridden for breastfeeding (or non breastfeeding mothers for that matter) than it already so often is?

Just don't store any heavy items in crowded cupboards above the induction hob! A spice jar for example falling from a height could smash the glass. It's happened to us twice now, why we didn't change the cupboard contents around, I'll never know. Also our induction seems to get bits of food wedged between it and the worktop, the gap is so narrow that it's extremely difficult to clean. Overall prefer induction though, in a small kitchen it can double up as an extra food prep surface and we rest hot trays on it all the time...will have to reread the instructions to make sure this isn't a big mistake! And we don't use any special cleaner just standard antibac cleaning spray.