Belle

Oh yes we do this too - had just such a conversation with husband yesterday when mostly it consisted of who I'd met along the street, what happened at clinic in first visit of 4 months (same as usual) and various poo incidences...my husband gets up with my baby in the morning if he can, and gives him first bottle and does first nappy - then wakes me up with what he calls 'the babe report'. I find I feel bereft if he goes to work without telling me how much baby had from his bottle and whether or how many times he pooed!

I use flash wipes and kitchen roll at a rate I never thought possible cleaning up after my wee boy. Also do the same clothes two days in a row or having wet hair at random times. I even once had to go and have coffee with a friend once straight after my son had peed all over my top - was already late, no time to change! A new low. Also was walked in on while on the loo in the disabled loos in a cafe - luckily think the view was blocked by baby's pram, which was the very reason why I was in the disabled anyway... I also cannot believe how many of my conversations now are about poo.

Fuschia - completely agree. All this makes me hope even more that I get the homebirth next time I wanted last time!

Yes, I always get freaked out with hood up as don't realise when someone is right behind/beside me. I would like: permanently straight hair so I don't have to either resemble a small bush or rely on siezing random opportunities when baby is napping to straighten hair - sometimes over the course of several days... I read that there is some new brazilian blow dry available in Dulwich village for silly money which makes your hair straight for several months, so that would do.

Er - not to speak for another poster but in case she doesn't see this, my reading of what Sandy Rose is saying is that Kings can't be overly concerned about the Albany midwives ie they must still think they come up to scratch if they are offering them employment elsewhere.

Heidi - that had happened just before I had my baby - all the midwives were v upset about it, understandably.

Yay, sounds great thanks Pickle. Looking forward to it.

Don't worry about going off-topic - all interesting stuff! And useful! amydown - i used to have my baby sleeping in his pram in the kitchen till relatively recently, can't quite think when we moved his naps upstairs to cot but must have been 6 months plus. doesn't seem to have made much difference but i do think that like pickle says, he's now the sort of baby who's less keen to sleep for a long time in the buggy when we're out and about. So if we have a day where we're off to some other part of London for example, I can end up with an overtired baby. I try to time it so he can have one nap in the cot before we go out on days like that.

HH - really good advice, thankyou! Mercifully he does nap (eventually -s ometimes after a battle of an hour) in his cot in the day so that's part of the battle I guess. But I like the sound of the way you dealt with wakings and also being there with the book, lots of good ideas here. Thanks!

These things are all relative Tulip and with a first baby it's bloody terrifying, so of course it's natural to worry about the place where you're going to be giving birth. I don't think it's the expertise anyone is questioning per se but the support and treatment particularly in terms of post natal care. I get a bit annoyed with people implying that people with stories of having had a difficult time are being unreasonable or that if you shout loudly enough you'll get the help you need - I complained of flashing lights and a headache for days, and had pre-eclampsia so alarm bells should have been ringing with any midwife but it was several days before I was seen by an obstetrecian (in fact I was seen 48 hours after one was first bleeped for me). I completely agree it's right to try and keep it all in perspective but I don't think anyone should undermine someone's individual birth experience nor should they question a pregnant woman's right to consider where she might give birth. Not saying that's what's being done here but just something I feel quite strongly about as I had a bad time myself. Sorry, tend to get a bit emotional about this!

He still goes down at 7ish (or 6.30ish if v tired) relatively easily, though has always complained a bit about going to bed and recently his fave trick is standing up in the cot and opening the bedroom door to call us! But basically he's usually asleep in 10 mins or so. Which is what makes the night waking odd - it starts of similarly to the way he is when we put him down - bit of moaning, standing up in cot etc. Then progresses to full on screaming and nothing will calm him but being picked up. Helena - have got the baby whisperer so will consult that, think I skimmed past that bit when I read it as he was newborn at the time so we weren't really into sleep routines etc.

I've posted separately about my little boy getting a bit of separation anxiety for the first time, and from what I've read this is when 'object permanence' - realising things that are out of sight are still there - kicks in. At the same time, he's started waking most nights for two hours at a time - it takes that long for him to calm down and finally fall back asleep. He's been a pretty good sleeper since about 3 months, and apart from teething/illness related bad nights, this is the first time since then that things have really deteriorated. When he wakes, we've established he's not hungry/thirsty, needing a nappy change or ill - I genuinely think he's waking up and realising we're not there. He'll be calm in our arms but it's the classic thing of him waking up the minute we lay him back down. Oddly enough bringing him into our bed doesn't help at all - he just gets really over excited. I know too well that night wakings are normal for babies of course, but am finding the fact it goes on for two hours shattering and just wondering if there's anything I should be doing? We've tried letting him moan a little on his own but he ends up getting very upset and much more awake. NB really hope this doesn't seem like I'm complaining as I realise how lucky we've been with his sleep up till now - ironically he was always really hard work during the day and much better at night - now he seems to have switched over!

Clare, I think you've made the right decision because you've chosen the place that feels right for you. You're right that it's all about you feeling as comfortable as possible. As molly says, now you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

I'm coming!

As I think i've prob said more than once on the forum, I did have grounds for several complaints with King's, and to their credit they apologised unreservedly on all counts, and it sounds like they have made some positive changes (within the limits mentioned above - short staffing not their fault but lack of communication between shift changes for example, is). I've heard good things about the changes there and wouldn't have a problem with going there if there is a next time. I do think it's true that all London hospitals will have these problems etc, but I also think there's a difference between that and serious issues - and it's worth being aware of the latter, even if it's just so you (or more likely, your partner) are psyched up to deal with it. NB - my complaints were all associated with post natal care - found the care during delivery outstanding.

Mine grunted a fair bit, it did pass. Friends of mine who had a similar baby and were light sleepers came up with the solution of having her sleep just outside their door (they had enough space to do that) in her crib, meant they felt more comfortable that she was near but they could sleep.

Sanne Panne - the DMC midwives (Lanes) can deliver your baby at King's - I had two with me even when moved to theatre. They seemed to have a great relationship with the staff there. I'd second the argument that it's best to be near - the drive to hospital in labour is not one you want to take too long, simply for comfort's sake, and it's so much easier if for any reason you do have to stay in after, if it's nearer. We were in during the snowstorm and my husband trudged through the snow from East D to see us - couldn't really ahve done that to Tommy's!

Really interesting posts here - lots of food for thought! I really feel for those who either want another baby and are having problems or who are sticking with one but getting those annoying comments. I have quite a few people close to me who just want the one child and I feel v defensive on their behalf when people start up about only children - I think it's so personal and also that frankly in today's society children have so many opportunities to socialise etc that lots of what people say just isn't relevant anyway. Plus it's none of their business. I also have close friends who've had multiple miscarriages, and have seen how difficult that's been for them. I think particularly when they've already got a child and have to still get up and deal with the child etc when they're feeling terrible. think as everyone has concluded there's no 'right' answer in terms of a gap between children but it is useful to hear about what's worked, and what's influenced your decision. Sanne Panne - exactly right in terms of career impacting the decision - I'm currently a full-time mum so yes, it does make me think maybe a smaller gap would be better so I can get back to work sooner. Like snowboarder I'd also like to have a try at enjoying the newborn phase as I really, really didn't this time around! Anyway, loads to think about now!

have been thinking a bit about second babies recently - not ready for any of it any time soon but obviously if we want to have another we need to consider it at some point, though I know there's a limit to how much you can plan stuff. Anyway thought it would be interesting to hear from people here - either those with one who have decided if/when they want another, or not, and those who have more than one - whether you left a long gap or felt you should get it over with (hideous phrase, sorry) and have them v close together. Not really asking for advice as know it's v much an individual thing and dependent on luck and health etc too, but just interested to hear from different perspectives and experiences. Also what is WITH feeling broody when rationally you don't want another one just yet? It's like some deep-seated instinct.

I think the fact that there are such varied answers on this thread shows that there is no one size fits all solution (stating the obvious a bit I know). I had assumed I'd go back to my job part-time but after thinking about it a bit (and getting some good ideas for new careers from forumites!) I resigned. The two reasons were quite separate but amounted to the same thing. One: I'd already realised that the career path I was on wasn't one I enjoyed any more, though I'd done reasonably well at it, I guess I realised doing a job quite well and enjoying it don't always go together. As part of that, it's not at all family-friendly (consultancy so long hours, client-dependent, have to be available 24/7 to be taken seriously etc). Quite separately, I came to the realisation that though I didn't LOVE being the sole carer to my quite challenging little boy, I did feel that it was 'right' that I do it. I don't mean at all that I think mums should stay at home - or dads - but it just sort of felt that it 'fit' with us, if that makes any sense. We've talked about a more spread out division of labour in the future but as my husband is doing v well in his job and, more importantly, enjoying it, this is what works for us right now. I guess ultimately it made no sense for me to go back to job I didn't want to do, which took me away from my baby - kind of lose lose. Obviously there is the financial loss of not going back, but I found we'd had to adjust to minimum maternity pay anyway so had already made cuts. I plan to go back to work before my child(ren) hit school - but since I want to change career I don't worry about losing my footing on the career ladder. I do worry about how on earth I'll figure out what to do, fit in training if necessary AND possibly baby number 2 but cross that bridge etc...(incidentally second babies are a whole other thread!).

it's interesting as it's coincided with him really fighting nap time and bedtime and I'm wondering if it's all linked in - ie now he knows that when I put him in the cot I'm going away? Ahhh - it's all guesswork with babies isn't it?! Fuschia - I can't open that link - let me know what section of the site it's on and I'll have a read. I really should finish Why Love Matters as sure there'd be relevant bits on this - reading a book takes so long with a baby!

Hi - my little boy had the same thing, exactly - doctor said similar things though not about the formula, wish I'd known that - but what do you give them instead?? My baby was off his food quite a bit (but still managing to have loads of dirty nappies, great!). Nothing much to add to what others have said - we find the saline spray helps a bit (easier than drops) and the Karvol plug in vapour things are good. I also raise his mattress if I think he's a bit wheezy, though this has pros and cons (makes him slide down to bottom of cot which wakes him up!). Anyway he's way better now so just wanted to say it does pass!

Belle

Thanks Molly - he's 10 months, just, and I've heard it's a phase that can kick in from around 9/10 months. Like the theory about the good parenting! Def is more clingy when teething or ill but the odd thing about the last 2 days is that I think he's fine physically - it just seemed to happen the minute I looked like I was about to hand him over to someone. My poor mum, luckily I don't think she's taken it to heart having had two kids herself. The funny thing is he's super smiley and sociable when out and about - ridiculously so - yet being held by relatives etc today (it was his christening) he was v unsure and crying etc. But good advice, will try to just get into my head that it's a phase and there's nothing I can do anyway.

Having thought I'd got away on this one, it seems baby J has succumbed to classic separation anxiety. It's quite weird as he's never been especially cuddly or clingy but literally in the last two days that's all changed! My mum's down and it started when she arrived - lots of crying in her face, refusing to be held by her etc, and he was doing it with some friends today too. All v difficult as I find it embarassing/upsetting in case the person in question takes it personally and also it's so nice to be able to have a break so I hate not being able to hand him over for a little bit! Interestingly if I leave the room or am out of sight he's absolutely fine. I know this is a really common thing so wondered if anyone has any reassuring words about it not lasting too long?!