Fmm

By the way, to those that know me, I'm not pregnant again! This is posted out of interest and on behalf of someone else.

I'll confess I have only skim-read this thread. However, I have a query: do people think it is easier for the dad to be 'involved' with the baby if he can bottle feed it, and therefore bond better with the baby? I ask because my sister, currently pregnant with her 3rd child, feels guilty about bottle feeding 1 and 2 (let's not go there on that) and would like to try breast feeding no. 3. However, she is concerned that her husband, who is keen to be very involved (this being his first and to be only child), will be unable to help with a big part of the baby's early months ie feeding. In addition, she asks how she is supposed to put her feet up and recover (!) and/or tidy, cook, give attention to her other children etc etc if she is constantly feeding the baby. I did say her partner could do the tidying, cooking and of course nappy changing etc but she actually wants to do the house stuff (so that it's done properly as she finds it depressing to live in mess) and also she wants her partner to feel really involved with the baby.

I couldn't really answer this one as despite having exclusively breast fed mine for the first 6 months with no problems after the first painful month or so, I kind of agree that the dad gets shut out a bit. To the extent that I would consider mix feeding if I were to have another. I felt that it was very difficult to give attention to my older child and found being tied down by the feeding (no-one else able to do it) difficult. Of course you can express and then you or someone else can feed the baby, but this is in effect adding an extra feed time (while you express) so not saving time or energy or allowing someone else to look after the baby. I really feel that while the early months with child no.2 were a special time for me and baby (not that I particularly appreciated it as I had a difficult recovery period), and my older child and husband really bonded during that time, my husband did not bond with the baby at all, barely saw it, and 9 months in is still trying to connect with him.

Sorry if this is off- subject.

Amongst my friends most had a 'better' birth and recovery physically second or subsequent times, in comparison to the first time. It was usually quicker and, not to put too fine a point on it, it was slightly less painful to tear/ be cut where they'd torn/ been cut before. It is almost as if your body knows what it is doing, a little bit. Most of these people had an 18-36 month between births. I am interested to know what people think is the biggest gap where this is still the case? For instance, would a 5 year gap be like going back to the first time (as I read somewhere)?

I am only referring here to the physical side of things - tears/ damage and recovery - rather than the psychological/ emotional/ confidence aspects.

Just seen someone mentioned silly glasses, taches, noses for the toddlers. Think that is a great idea for the party bags in the same vein (but much easier to put together!) as our dressing up box. also, I would say don't worry too much about keeping the kids occupied; as long as they have something to look at during the meal, at the many child-full weddings I've been to the kids have made their own fun playing with each other and having a good boogie when the music starts!

The kids at our wedding were 5 and under. We did party bags at each childs seat with homemade name badges, bubbles, colouring/ sticker books, crayons, thread your own necklace/ make an airplane/ design a mask activities etc. Also disposable cameras (really crappy bulk bought ones for the kids as never developed them). The idea of a 'find and photograph' quiz/mission is really good. They were all occupied for the whole meal. Personally i would advise against anything that requires adult help/ reading as the adults want to eat/ drink/ chat. what went down a storm was a dressing up box with funny hats, waistcoats, skirts etc. They were amused for ages during the drinks reception and there were some really cute pics afterwards.

I used the Avent electric single one more or less every day for 6 months (twice) and found it very easy to use and quick for me. I don't know if you can use other bottles with it but I used to pour straight from the Avent bottle i pumped into (which came with it), into the freezer storage bag or bottle, which you could do into any brand of bottle. It might be useful to know that the Avent electric one comes with key spare parts included so if you buy one cheaply second hand you could try to find one with the spare parts unopened (I sold mine like this) and then you get more or less a 'new' one if you use the spare parts.

Thank you LondonMix that's helpful. I am still debating this, as other than the admin point of view, I'm concerned about my children socialising with other kids - my 3YO has made such great friends at nursery and loves the social side of things. However as you say the relative flexibility of a nanny (and, in some cases, a childminder) particularly with regard to hours/pick up is attractive.

I am thinking about a nanny or nanny share having just been informed how much nursery fees for two kids (age 1 and 3) will cost. But I have always thought more about using a childminder rather than a nanny, mainly becaue I'm concerned how it works administratively employing a nanny: setting it up, paying taxes, NI, sick pay, potentially her maternity pay, and generally being the employer etc. It seems like it would be very onerous. Whereas presumably you pay a childminder just as you would a nursery, with a monthly payment, no further hassle. Is it a big hassle to employ a nanny? Are there guides (online or on paper) to show you how to do it?

Also, are the main differences between a nanny and a childminder: the number of children in the minder's care, and the place of work (ie childminder's home rather than your home)? There seems to be such a big difference in price!

Sorry if these are stupid questions!

I would say that if she sleeps well for 2 weeks, she will be fine for a month. however if you did want to make it a little more comfortable you could get her a padded travel mattress (we got one from mothercare), which would be easier to put in your case than a proper mattress. Also don't forget you can often hire a cot and mattress from your destination, which is what we have done when going away for a month (along with a highchair). If you do this you may want to take a mattress cover anyway, to put over the hire mattress.

I think the navigator is as narrow as the dot. The dot is 2cm shorter, I think, because of the smaller wheels. For some reason my 3yr old is fine in the back seat of the navigator but looked (and felt) much more cramped in the back seat of the dot. I agree about buying the buggy that works for you right now. I struggled without a double buggy, determined to make do with my bugaboo/ sling/ buggy board combo, but had one too many day trips where I'd do my back in having to carry a 2.5yr old for miles because baby was in buggy and toddler had a stand off about the buggy board. Now I can't imagine not having the P&T - and we get places on time much more often!

Sorry to hijack this thread, but does anyone have any recommendations as to bed guards, to stop little one falling out of bed when the cot sides come down. I'd prefer a wooden one for look as I think this might be on the bed for quite a while, so have been looking at the BabyDan one, but maybe the Lindam mesh type are better (and they are cheaper)? Thanks for any advice.

Also try and get a cleaner that does ironing and if you can get any days 'off' when older child is at nursery or pre-school, relish them - i feel like I have a holiday once a week when toddler is at nursery, plus you get to enjoy new baby on your own, and sleep when he/she sleeps!

My main advice would be to remember that it does get easier! When my new one was a newborn (now 7 mths) my 3 yr old was still having a long daytime sleep and it was bliss. But the good thing about her dropping it is that she goes to bed earlier and is out like a light, giving me longer downtime in the evening (once i've showered, put breakfast stuff out, put clothes out etc etc!) even if i still go to bed at 9.30pm. Also agree re doing online shops, having quiet time once the daytime sleep is dropped ('mummy's cooking time' when I make everyone's dinner and tidy up), using the TV for toddler when necessary, getting clothes out the night before, bag with wipes/ snacks/ spare undies (for toddler not me)/ nappies always ready and replenished after trips out. We also try to have a playdate/ playground or park trip/ outting - even if it's just to get baby weighed, where by the way we make a big fuss of getting toddler measured too - planned for most days, but only one thing per day!

I tried both at peppermint in clapham juntion - phone first to check they've got them both in. I then bought from JL as the raincover was a tenner cheaper. They had the Dot in mothercare in lewisham last week, not sure about the navigator. Also the pram shop in Peckham did say it would be stocking them so may have some to try. I used my cameleon with buggy board for first 7 months as my babies were so comfy in the carrycot for over 5 months and I really like it generally as a pram. But I realised I would need a double buggy when I go back to work for the nursery runs so I decided to buy the double buggy now to get lots of use out of it. I have ended up selling the cameleon as I have no need for it with this double.

Ah Mrs F you are right, you can use the Navigator with the doubles kit and car seat, I just checked. Hmm, that's another accessory I'll 'have' to buy then! I tried the Dot before deciding on the Navigator. The Dot is a couple of cm smaller in length (same width) than the Navigator because the wheels are smaller. This would mainly make a (tiny) difference on buses and when putting it in the car. However I thought the seats on the Dot looked really small, particularly the doubles seat. Not sure if that is the case or if it just looks that way. Like I said my 3 year old is happy in either seat in the Navigator at the moment, which is reassuring for longer term use.

You do not have the option to have the baby face you with the Dot. Also the hood isn't as good as on the Navigator as it doesn't come down as far. However in most other ways it is very comparable to the Navigator, and cheaper!

Hi I just wanted to add to this thread as this subject often comes up on the forum. I bought a Phil and Teds Navigator in the end and it really works for what I need. Usual P&T gripes that baby faces away from parent (altho baby can face parent in single mode), cant use with a car seat (can in single mode) and lack of storage when in doubles mode, but on other scores it is great: both seats recline - one totally flat - it's not too heavy, easy to fold, narrow and has been fine on buses/ tubes, easy to convert from double to single, good sunhood, really easy to adjust the straps when toddler jumps out and baby takes her place in the front. Both children are happy in the back (small) seat - apparently it's the 3 year old's den! I am now even considering relegating my maclaren to the loft as I cannot see what use I have for it now.

Thanks for all the responses. V helpful. And thanks Knomester for the offer to share recipes - I may well take you up on that!

Good, I have found the Travel Assistance useful too. I had forgotten about it until very recently. I used it just after my first child was born and i was travelling alone (with newborn) after a rather sticky birth/ emergency c section. Just cant believe how much money I would have saved over the years using a railcard!

Thank you very much newtoedf. V helpful. I hadn't actually thought to search the forum so will do that now. he's on a soya formula(prescription)so hopefully that has sufficient calcium - I'd forgotten i was worried about that. and yes, daughter already trained in not feeding baby her cheese sandwiches and yoghurt!

Just a call out for ideas, please. My 8 month old son is allergic to dairy. He has more or less eaten a pureed/ then mashed/ now chopped up version of whatever I or my 3 year old daughter eats, except when we are having something with milk or cheese in it. I never thought we ate much cheesy stuff, but it turns out I am having to resort to jars more often than I'd like because he can't have what we're having. Anyone know of any resources of use, or have any suggestions preferably of recipes that the whole family can have? We can't have a roast with trimmings every day!

I'm confused (sorry). I looked at the family railcard and I think it says it is for people travelling with at least 1 child aged between 5-15. How are you eligible to use one if you are travelling only with 1 or 2 under 5's?

I have travelled up to Liverpool or Chester on Virgin Trains around once a month for the last few years, until very recently with a bugaboo cameleon and now with a Phil & Teds. I generally travel first class (booking well in advance to get the cheapest tix) and always heading straight for coach J (Liverpool) / e (chester) which has the disabled area. I have always found that people generally will move luggage to accomodate a pram and only once has a disabled person actually been in that space. That time I folded the cameleon frame and put it in the area outside the disabled loo and had the carrycot with me on my table.

Have you called Virgin Train Travel Assistance? Offficially it is for people in wheelchairs to book that space, but I called them recently as I am doing the journey alone with a 9 mth old and 3 year old next month and wanted priority boarding, and I have arranged for us to go on first at both ends (not sure how that will work at euston with the rush to get on there usually is, as they only tell you the platform at the last second) and they also let me book 1 of the 2 seats facing the wheelchair space, actually saying that it was unlikely someone else would book the other one next to it so my toddler could sit there (even though I'm not paying for a ticket for her). Obviuosly I will have to move if there is someone in a wheelchair who needs the space.

Might be worth you trying to do this from Stockport?

Sorry for the long post.

Our 3 year old is into Fireman Sam and we bought him a firemans hat, coat and firemans kit (all ELC) for his bday, he loves them.

We were married at Beauberry House, it has some lovely rooms. Eltham Palace, Greenwich Queens House and Greenwich Naval College all have beautiful rooms but v pricey.

Also, I do think books are a lovely idea. If there is a character in a book/ play that has the same name as the child being christened, I have bought the child a special edition of that book, which has been well received eg. Just William books for a William, and As You Like It for a Beatrice (I think. Sleep-deprived head might have got that play wrong). Just have to make sure the relevant character didn't come to a sticky end in the book!