nonpretentious

Thanks, will do. Really gaining strength from all advice given. Situation does not seem as bleak as it did Sunday evening, but please keep it coming, especially if you have found a way through yourself.

Thanks again. I applied for a classroom assistant post in an academy. I understand that this sort of information is standard when working around children and vulnerable adults, I think it is part of a CRB check. I did not get the job, even though I know I would be an asset in that field, or many others I applied for. I know this is the same as many people, but it just feeds in to the feeling of worthlessness, inadequacy to provide. It has become a downward spiral...

Thanks to all who are offering practical and emotional support. Am now looking into renting a room as as suggested. Didn't go for this before as have 3 small to average sized bedrooms and a child of each sex at that awkward prepubescent age. My daughter will just have to share with me. Still resisting going to the docs as every time I have filled in an application form under medical information, it asks if the applicant has a history of depression or mental illness. Are doctors allowed to give this information to employees? Thanks SB, Hugeu, TT DJKQ, Cassius, Loz & Indi, and all others who have had the courage to admit they too have been through something similar. The feeling of total isolation is fast dissipating. I guess I walk around ED imagining everybody else has a really sorted life. I'll def look for other advice re mortgage. So KK will pm you re the mortgage advisor you recommended. Does anybody else know of a free impartial, trustworthy advisor? Thanks again all x

Thank you all for the advice. LadyD and DJKQ, I live as frugally as I can as I said sometimes I dont eat so that my children can. The last time I bought new clothes was a year ago from a charity shop for an interview. I think it is the feeling of isolation that is sometimes so completely overwhelming. Outwardly, I'm fine and chirpy - all parents have to be for their children - but I do feel trapped by the very thing we are encouraged to aspire to - home ownership. I have sought advice from the CAB and a mortgage advisor and get the same answer...I own my home therefore am not entitled to help. If I give up my home, I won't be rehoused by the council as I will have intentionally made myself homeless. Besides, where would the children sleep in the meantime? I wanted to sell up and move to somewhere cheaper, but still need a small mortgage and can't get one because of my credit rating. Interest rates, mortgage and domestic bills are crippling. I know another 10 million people are in exactly in the same position, which is why I wanted to hear how others have come through. I'm very interested in the food charity you mentioned, so will be seeking more info on that. It is encouraging that there are lovely people in ED willing to share experiences, advice and encouragement. Thank you.

Salsaboy, you are indeed a brave, upfront and honest individual. Thank you so much for sharing this deeply personal part of your life. I guess the message is to for me to stop being a wimp and realising that 'this too shall pass.' I love my children to absolute distraction, and if not for them would have given up long ago. So I really do value them. Another thing I get from you Salsaboy, is that sharing is good. My friends and colleagues only know the tip of the iceberg because that is all my pride will allow. Appreciate all advice, but don't want to go down the doctors and drugs route.

Actually Salsaboy, I do want to hear it. I want to hear how others have turned a similar situation around. I want to hear where I'm going wrong, and what I can do to put it right for my children. So thank you for your open reply.

Thank you KidKruger, I understand that it is always a matter of perspective. I do know I'm in a more fortunate position than countless others. Just really reaching out for advice on how to shift this, and if there is anybody else out there really feeling the lone parent financial grind.

Don't get me wrong, I see a lot of good stuff and beauty around me. I am fabulously blessed to have two fantastic beautiful children, friends, a house and a job. However, I've got to confess that as I'm working two sometimes three jobs just to provide the basics (I'm not entitled to help as I earn too much - imagined how I laughed!), as I often go without basics just so my children can eat, as I can't sleep through worrying about where money for bills is going to come from, as I'm just lurching from payday to payday with the help of The Money Shop, as I can't even sell up and and move to a cheaper area because my credit rating is f***ed (mortgage advisor still laughing)... Just wondering, is it just me, or does it all seem pointless sometimes? Before you all call the police, I'm just wondering out loud. Want to start an open honest discussion between real people in ED. My children are loved, cared for and excelling in school. They have no idea what goes through my head. I would never ever do anything to cause them grief. So, that cleared, am I alone?... Does it all seem pointless at times???

That's good as a one off...I was talking about having to feed a family, and their mates who drop in after school, on a regular basis. 99p shop, Aldi or Lidl would have been much more welcome for a large population of ED. I can almost hear the colour draining from faces as I suggest such shops.

Speaking as one who has lived in ED decades before it disappeared up its own orifice, who works all hours and still struggles to make ends meet and feed children; Iceland is vital for me. I would still have to pay bus fare to the one in Peckham, whereas LL is a short walk. So please try and remember, all you newbies who have emigrated from SW and north London, that apart from cheaper houses one of the things you liked about ED was the lively mix of peeps. Myself and others really need Iceland, and could actually do with a 99p shop on LL.