newcomer

You can most probably persuade her back again if you want to, but if it's becoming a real battle, then I wonder if it's worth it? If you're mainly continuing because of the official advice or for the health benefits, then you could always consider expressing for the next 2 months and leaving that for her caregiver to give to her instead? Then you could swop 'milk time' in the morning for 'cuddle time' or 'read a book time' instead so you still have a nice bonding routine with your daughter before you start work. But, you might want to consider the following before you give up the breastfeeds: 1) Have you definitely got milk left? If you're down to one feed a day, your body might not be producing much anymore. If that's the case, your daughter might be refusing the milk because it's frustrating for her- it's hard to get any out! You might be able to test this by measuring how much you can express. 2) Are you stressed at work or rushed in the mornings? If so, you will be producing stress hormones and your daughter might not like the new taste! (presuming of course that it's even possible for that to affect the milk) Or maybe it just makes your milk letdown harder for your daughter. To test it, maybe you could take 5 minutes before the feed to do some deep=breathing or something to get into a relaxed mood and see if this makes any difference? 3) Are you run down? It's really common for mothers to get very run down just after they start work again as you're being pulled in so many directions. If so, then you might not be able to achieve your aim of lasting until 1 year, so please don't make yourself ill by pushing yourself too hard and you should instead congratulate yourself on getting this far! 4) Is your daughter teething? Breastfeeding can be especially uncomfortable when teething (it's more work for the baby than bottle-feeding), but this will rectify itself when the tooth pops through. Anyhow, whatever happens, don't worry as chances are that it'll make very little difference either way if you give up or carry on now that you've already done 10 months.

Pregnancy, breastfeeding and the associated hormones have all sorts of unwanted side effects on the body. Check out this earlier link which talks about the link between joint pain and relaxin. http://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/forum/read.php?29,580291,586826#msg-586826 Another thing to check is to make sure you're getting enough calcium. Pregnancy robs your body of a lot of your calcium stores and you might need to try to build them up again. I hate dairy, so I ended up taking a daily calcium supplement.

If she seems to be in a lot of pain, take her to a doctor. It's probably just teething, but the symptoms of ear infections are sometimes really similar to teething.

Another perspective - we had our buggy in parent-facing mode at the start (useful when baby is tiny as you can see when they are sleeping). However Baby Newcomer quickly became far too inquisitive to stay facing 'backwards' and practically gave himself whiplash trying to turn his head around to see what was 'out there'. By 5.5 months he tolerated the buggy much better when I turned the seat round so he could see where he was going. At 9 months, he gets very excited and babbles the most when he sees a dog, which I guess I wouldn't have known if I'd kept him parent-facing. Therefore, before you commit to a purchase, you might want to borrow a parent-facing pushchair for the first few months. Then see what sort of personality your baby has. If he's very nosey about the outside world, his development might be better served with a forward-facing pushchair anyhow. If he's more of a one-to-one communicator, then stay with the parent-facing. It'll also give you a chance to find out how practical the buggy is to get up several flights of stairs... Edited to say: just read the read of the chain properly and your follow-on question about slings. Yep, can absolutely use this instead for the first few months. Your back might get tired though at the start. I still use the BabyBjorn when I'm out and about (easier than faffing about with a pram if I'm going to be going through narrow streets or up and down stairs) and Baby Newcomer is 9 months and 91st-98th centile. It's actually easier now than it was at the beginning - I think your strength builds as the baby gets heavier or something.

Hang in there! If you've already cracked night-time sleep, then you are 90% of the way there! Shush/pat does work, although I found that the 'pick up put down' technique worked even better for Baby Newcomer when he was upset. In other words, you pick up your baby if she starts crying and give her a quiet cuddle with as little fuss and stimulation as possible (ie, stay beside the cot, don't turn on the light or take her out of her sleeping bag, etc). When she's calm again, put her back down and repeat the process for as many times as is necessary. This worked really well with Baby Newcomer and we've never had to let him cry or use controlled crying, etc. By the way, when the baby is calm again in your arms, I found it useful to give them a few extra minutes of cuddling before setting them back down so that they feel sleepy and secure but, as the Baby Whisperer recommends, don't let them fall asleep totally in your arms as otherwise they'll wake up in their cot and will be upset as they won't know how they got there. I really liked 'The Baby Whisperer' and in hindsight I recommend it even more - a perfect mix of baby-friendly soothing techniques and parent-friendly coping strategies. If you like The Baby Whisperer, the other book I'd recommend for the first 6 months is 'Your Baby - Week by Week' (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Baby-Week-ultimate-caring/dp/0091910552). Sheer common sense, baby-friendly, and very practical. It's also broken down into bite-sense chunks for each week, which is an absolute Godsend for those first weeks when you are sleep-deprived and unable to concentrate on anything longer than two sentences. Oh, and if you ever experience any 'battle of wills' day-time naps, my dad gave me a very good bit of advice, which was: "When all else fails, sometimes you just have to go with the flow". In other words, if Baby KateW really doesn't want to sleep and it's turning into a stressful situation for you, every so often it's not a disaster if you simply let her get up and play with a toy for 20 minutes, and then try again when both of you are calmer. My final amateur thought is that some babies seem to need to 'wind down' more than others. I found with Baby Newcomer that at 12 weeks he was so interested in everything that he hated to nap in case he missed something, so I had to avoid showing him anything too stimulating in the last 30 minutes or so before his nap. So, in summary, hang in there!

You might also want to consider whether or not she might just be going through a growth spurt and need an extra feed for a while. Or a developmental spurt and so needs the 'comfort' from breastfeeding rather than the milk (check out the Wonderweeks book, which talks about the 'Patterns' leap and a baby's craving for extra physical comfort at around 8 weeks). If so, formula might not make much difference. Also, bear in mind that formula feeding will affect your milk supply (not saying that this is a reason not to introduce a bottle if you want to - just want you to be aware).

Many thanks everyone. I think I've decided not to go. For the first time leaving Baby Newcomer, it's too long and too far away. Instead, husband and I are going to plan a night away at a local hotel in a couple of month's time - so we can see how well Baby Newcomer copes with our absence, can hopefully enjoy some couple time, but also are able to get home quickly if needed. I feel much more comfortable with this idea, though still feel a bit gutted about missing the work jolly (and, if I'm honest, a bit jealous!). We've also discussed a gradual end to breastfeeding over the next two months. Although I've enjoyed it much more than I thought I would, it feels like the right time to stop. Baby Newcomer will be 10 months so not quite the recommended 1 year, but not far off. Baby Newcomer isn't that interested in it anymore anyway- he much prefers 'proper' food (although I imagine some of you might tell me that he's probably just picking up on the fact that I'm not as keen on it anymore). I really appreciated all the comments. Still don't know if Ive made the right choice but at least I've made some sort of decision now!

So I have a dilemna. My husband has a new job and there is a 'welcome' long weekend at the end of next month in the company's head office, to which partners are invited (and are 'expected' to attend!). According to sources, it is also a lot of fun as you are wined, dined and generally shown a wonderful time. My baby will, however, only be 9 months old. It's a 15 hour flight from where we are at the moment to the head office. So I have three choices: 1. Don't go. PRO: Baby isn't disturbed. CON: Risk of annoying husband's bosses; miss out on a great party and some important couple time with hubby. 2. Go with baby. PRO: Baby gets to stay with me; I get to go to weekend. CON: 12 hour time difference and 2 x 15 hour flights for the sake of 4 days seems unfair on baby. Also would have to leave him with a babysitter who he doesn't know so if he does wake up during the night (likely, given the time difference) he might be alarmed. 3. Go, leaving baby with trusted babysitter at home. PRO: Baby's routine not messed up; I get to go to the weekend. CON: I've never left baby for more than about 3 hours. Although he trusts and knows babysitter very well, it's not the same as having his mum there. Further complication. I'm still breastfeeding baby twice a day (7am and 630pm) and occasionally also in the afternoon (otherwise he'll have a bottle of formula). I've never really expressed milk. Sooo..... is it stupid even to consider going away? Will it emotionally disturb baby in the longterm? As you can probably tell, selfishly I'd quite like to go, but not if it is at the expense of my baby's happiness or wellbeing. Please be nice - I've honestly not decided anything yet and am very uncertain.

In case anyone has the same problem, I went to the doctor who confirmed that changing hormones can affect your skin's sensitivity after childbirth. Skinrelated side-effects can include: itchiness, spots, mild reactions to perfumed showergels etc, and even stress hives. The effects are usually temporary, and often kick in either the actual birth, or when your monthly cycles are re-regulating as you decrease/stop breastfeeding. I seem to be totally recovered now. For my itchy scalp, I used a Philip Kingsley scalp tonic, which really worked, although maybe it would have just cleared itself up anyway given time. He also confirmed the relaxin/sore joints problem!

Do NOT rush it. I ended up ripping the top layer of c=section stitches... I felt very stupid, and the area I ripped took months longer to heal. Wait at least until your check up with the doctor at 6-8 weeks (and ideally even longer). After all, what's the rush?

I know it's not quite answering your question, and I'm sure you're already doing all of this, but just in case it might be worth running through a 'checklist' of things that might be keeping your little one awake after the first feed: ? - possible sensory stimulation from light/noise, etc etc. In other words, ?are you keeping the lights off/very low and?things as quiet and 'boring' ?as possible when you give the baby the first feed? Is the?temperature as consistent as possible (eg, warm water for the nappy change rather than cold, etc). Is there any sudden noise from traffic, your other children (if any), etc etc that might be disturbing her?? - possible social stimulation? even talking or looking at the baby might stimulate her to 'wake up' instead of allowing her to drift back to sleep, especially if she's got a sociable personality and doesn't want to miss the party!?It's probably better if only one parent does the night feeds and nappy changes (so if you're breastfeeding I'm afraid the task falls to you!).? - Do you re- swaddle her after the feed? That might help.? - is her bed cold by the time you put her back down? If so, a fleecy cotton ?sheet might be better than plain cotton. I was born in a house with no central heating and my mum used to put a lukewarm hot water bottle in my cot when I was having my feed, then took it out again before she laid me down. I guess that's not a good idea anymore because of SIDS risk but maybe you could lie your pillow in the cot while she's feeding to minimize heat loss, then remove it just before you set her down.? - finally, is there any chance she might be having problems with trapped wind after the feed? If so, a spoonful of gripe water after the feed might help get the wind up.?? Anyhow, youve probably already thought of all this and, if so, my apologies and please ignore the post!?

'Organic White Noise for Babies' is good, especially the track 'where the wild things are'. Bird song, falling rain, stuff like that. Although, to be honest, when baby newcomer was very young he didn't really pay any attention to it but it was soothing for me anyway! If you want to save yourself the price of a CD, I've heard that Classic FM works just as well.

Hi Mumtobe88, I'm guessing this is your first baby? If so, I totally sympathise with your concerns. ?EVERYTHING is suddenly more stressful when you're expecting isn't it? ?I also remember wanting to have planned as much as possible in advance - in an attempt to maintain just the slightest bit of control and normalcy! I imagine it feels especially overwhelming if you suddenly have to rethink a dream holiday because there's going to be an extra member to your family.? But, Mumtobe88, some of the other posters do have a point in the sense that you are very early to be trying to organize next year's pressies, so try not to even think about it yet. You can always buy everything from Duty Free at the airport if you have to! ?Please don't even worry about this Christmas either - just concentrate on taking care of yourself during this pregnancy and try to keep stress to an absolute minimum by delegating or simply 'letting go' of the things you used to do. ?You have more important priorities now and your most important task is to cosset (Sp?) yourself. Oh, and to start taking folic acid (or, even better, Pregnacare) if you've not already done so!? Many congrats on your pregnancy and I hope you have a lovely snuggly christmas with your partner- your last one before 2 become 3...?

I think this might have been it: http://www.celebratehealthyeating.org/che_din_nutrition_chart.htm

Link to Time article in case you are interested: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2002382,00.html

Ps, I'm trying to find where I read that stuff about allowing children to 'eat to their hunger'. If I find it, I'll post the source so you can read it first-hand in case I've misrepresented it somehow!

As long as he is healthy, full of energy and is allowed to satisfy his hunger, then he is probably 100% fine and just has a 'racehorse' physique/metabolism. His diet sounds, to my non-professional ears, to be very healthy. You were wondering about his lack of cakes/biscuits. The odd cake now and then won't do him any harm but cake and biscuits are not a necessary foodgroup (!) so there's probably no need to deliberately introduce extra cakes/biscuits unless the doctor says that it's necessary for the extra calories. It's very good that you let him eat to his hunger (eg, at breakfast) as apparently this helps to prevent eating problems in later life. I read somewhere (sorry to be so vague!) that it's a bad idea to try to force a child to eat as it means that they disconnect with their natural hunger levels and don't learn to listen to their own body and so, in later life, don't stop eating when they are full. But it's always worth checking with your GP anyhow - they'll be able to set your mind at rest or, if needed, show you where you could 'fine-tune' your son's diet for optimal nutrition. As a tip, it's worth keeping a food diary of exactly what he eats and drinks over a 3-day period to show to the doctor as otherwise it can be very hard to remember when you are under the pressure of a 6-minute appointment!

I wouldn't feel guilty if you decide to stick to one child as I'm not convinced that only children are necessarily any more lonely than those with siblings. My mother was an only child and is the most sociable, gregarious person I know. In some ways, it's arguable that that was because she *had* to be. However, if you ask her she says she didn't feel lonely growing up as she always had other children to play with, and she had an incredibly strong bond with her parents. Although,on the other hand, my father is one of 9 children and was also very happy. So I guess it all has more to do with the child's personality than anything else. There was an article in Time magazine recently called "The Only Child Myth". The subtitle was "They are meant to be selfish, spoiled and lonely. In fact, they're just fine- and on the rise". Maybe worth a read to help you with your decision?

Thanks Cora. I've also got sore ankles in the morning (I hobble around for the first 5 mins) and insomnia, so I hope this is all a temporary thing!

Oh, I should add that, since baby newcomer is now well established on 3 solids meals a day, I've recently gone from 6 breastfeeds a day to 4 feeds (having dropped the 1030pm and 330pm feeds and now feeding at 7am, 1030am, 2-230pm and 630pm).

Has anyone else experienced weird itchiness when starting to wean/drop breastfeeds? I feel itchy sometimes in the evenings and especially when baby newcomer is breastfeeding. It particularly affects my scalp and sometimes feels like ants, sometimes like electric shocks, sometimes just a strange warm feeling. I've def not got lice by the way! I was wondering if it might perhaps be due to the falling levels of estrogen? Anyhow, if anyone else had something similar, I'd be very grateful if you could let me know.

I had similar problems to Saffron - and the doctor also misdiagnosed with thrush, which was a nightmare as the thrish cream made baby newcomer sick (even when I was very careful to wash it all off before a feed). Baby newcomer is also a ferocious feeder, which made the pain/blamched nipples worse. On days when it was bad, I found it helpful to take a couple of parecetomol. Without the painkillers, I'd tense up at the pain at the start of a feed, which would make baby 'chomp down' even harder and it became a vicious cycle! I think the pain stopped when baby newcomer was about 4 months old.

Hi snowboarder. I don't want to add to the confusion but one thing you might want to consider is how emotionally you think you'd react if you attempt to have VBAC/HBAC and end up having to have a c-section anyway? You might actually get a better birth experience from having another elective section as at least you can plan with some confidence for the process. The risk with opting for a VBAC or HBAC is that you'll also need to mentally prepare for another c-section 'just in case' it doesn't go as planned. If you do decide to have an elective c-section, perhaps you could improve your chances of a good experience by: - arranging for a good friend to stay with you in hospital during visiting hours, so at least you have support for much of the day; - reminding yourself that it's fine to push the call buzzer as and when you need help from the midwives - that's what it's there for! - explaining your fears and concerns to the doctor in advance and ask if there is any way they could help to improve the experience for you (perhaps by ensuring you are in a quiet corner of the ward or by asking the head midwife to keep an eye out for you regularly throughout the day?) Whatever you decide, I hope it all goes really, really well.

I was chatting to a friend recently and was bemoaning the fact that I never can watch tv anymore (Baby Newcomer is only 3.5 months so I keep it turned off during the day in case he starts looking at it) and she said she thought I am being unnecessarily overcautious and confessed that she let her baby watch 'Baby Einstein' DVDs from 4 months, and used 'In the Night Garden' as part of the baby's evening routine. After that conversation I asked my mum for her thoughts and she also admitted that she used to let my brother and me watch kids' programmes like Sesame Street when she needed to get housework done. Would love to know what other people do. Am I being overcautious by banning tv altogether?

At risk of being thought flippant, I found eating ice-cream in bed really helped. It's got calcium in it, it's one of the few treats you are still allowed (no wine, seafood, pate, etc etc), and feels decadent enough to temp take your mind off pregnancy symptoms. I had ice-cream A LOT while pregnant (probably why I put on so much weight...). It works particuarly well when combined with reading trashy magazines like Heat! :-) Hope the last trimester goes ok.