I feel your pain, bedtime disasters are awful, I love my kids but I need a bit of time at the end of the day to myself! I had this issue with my 5 year old as well as dreadful sleeping issues with my baby so was a mess. I used a sleep consultant who said to be firm and advised I use the super nanny technique but just like you describe it led to an even worse bedtime with hysterical screaming and then night waking from him as well as the baby! After seeing the glowing reports about Nicola Watson from Child Sleep Solutions on here we gave it another go with her and her much gentler approach worked amazingly!! The key to resolving both of their issues was in the detail I think and getting everything perfect so that sleep came easier. If you can stretch to it I really recommend you give her a call and get your evenings back, it is so worth it!