jennyh

Hey Daughter is nearly 4 and has asked if she can stop wearing her pull-ups at night so we want to support her in trying to get dry during the night. She has NEVER been dry at night, she always wees in her sleep but we have to start somewhere and she is eager to try hence thinking the time has come... have done 4 nights now with mixed results. I have woken her to use the potty in her room at about 11pm on each occasion and then twice I have also woken her around 4/5am to use it. On the occasions when I only lifted her at 11 she then went on to wet the bed, once at 2.30 and once at 4. My question is whether I am supposed to stop lifting her and just let her wet the bed in the hope of teaching her the sensation? I feel like if I am waking her to wee then she isn't really learning anything??? I have reduced her drinks but perhaps I need to do so even more. I have also increased the frequency she uses the toilet during the day. She isn't upset about wetting herself and I am not too fussed about all the washing and getting up in the night as I know we have to do this at some point. Any tips gratefully received!

love this forum, so positive and helpful when you can't see the wood for the trees! Great ideas everyone, and you have given me some energy to try and turn the focus around. Love the elf idea and I think she would too so will prob give that a try as well as rewarding nice things with marbles.

Ha ha! Yes we made a list and printed out pictures of the things she would like and stuck them down. She has sent a letter to Father Christmas asking for a baby annabell doll that yawns etc and then her list for me and her dad is for an Elsa dress, a baby highchair and a hot water bottle. So I prob shouldn't complain, no laptops in site yet!!! :)

Saffron Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Sounds like you're all in a really tough phase, > but it is just a phase! xx Yeah I know, I just find it hard seeing her so emotional and clearly struggling with her feelings but that is prob my own childhood coming out - argh! I will lighten up and focus on laughter and marbles.

Yeah definitely and we have had periods in the past where we have managed this very successfully. Unfortunately my son got quite ill for a couple of weeks and reached that clingy stage at the same time so it's just been a little testing and she has had to wait more than she would. Most days we have a good 2-3 hours a day doing an activity like painting/shops/doll's house etc and we always have an hour at bedtime reading books and talking on our own so she does get a lot of 1-1 time but she has told me she wants me to play with her ALL day :) The sweet thing is that when I suggest us going to do stuff at the weekend she always prefers to have the whole family out as she loves her bro so much and he's her best friend. Cute.

Thanks Saffron. I love your sentiment so not unpopular at all! I do agree wholly, I think that I am just shocked at her yearning for 'stuff' and I don't like seeing it as we are not like that and I grew up with very little. I guess that they are different things so I am going to rethink it all a bit. Good idea on the marbles too. I think that is a nice way of seeing the achievement stacking up and she def responds much better to praise and she gets really proud. We are caught in a bit of a spiral where I am 'mean mummy' because I tell her off all the time and she is feeling very down about it so is therefore playing up more so bit of a vicious circle. Hopefully once her cast is off she can be a bit more independent and more herself and my son will have a bit of time where he isn't screeching to be picked up all the time and we can get a bit more clarity!

Thanks BeccaL. It's really difficult because I suppose that I have lumped the two things together because she is just obsessed with presents (recently broke her foot so was sent loads of get well gifts) but she has absolute no understanding of why you can't have something you want and is really pushing the boundaries of manipulation/testing etc. I am a bit muddled with the different things we have going on and don't want to confuse her as I know she is still young and doesn't understand. The vast majority of this stuff is because we have prob spoilt her and not been clear on our expectations of her and what she can/can't have. With the arrival of her brother we fell into the classic trap of sweetening her with tv etc whilst I spend hours feedings/changing/rocking etc so there aren't many things that she cares enough about to have them taken away! I totally take your point on board and will give it a lot more thought as I hadn't considered it in that way. We've never done reward charts or taking things away with any real conviction. Also the broken foot has played a big part in her change of mood etc and I am sure this is a phase we can get through with some sensitivity on my part rather than losing my patience as I get hit and screamed at again!

Hey all My daughter is nearly 4 and has a 10 month old brother which has gone really well so far in terms of adjusting and managing with jealousy etc. Recently she has been exhibiting some sadness and anger which I think is something to do with her realising he's not going anywhere/him starting to crawl and being more 'annoying' and both of them being unwell and needing lots of looking after whilst I do the classic meltdown trying to manage them both. She has made it very clear that I have to be her mummy and that I have to look after her which I am working through with her. However in periods of rage she is whacking me and shouting at me etc and I haven't managed to quite get a grip of it yet. With this tricky behaviour in mind, and her insane longing for consumerism and newness, I would like to come up with some sort of reward chart for Christmas as currently she thinks she can have everything she wants without having to behave well and have good manners. She has picked a few things she would like but I can't get my head around a simple way to link her difficult behaviour with receiving gifts, I thought maybe each day we talk about whether she has managed to not shout/not hit and not be rude and if so she gets a sticker towards her presents....but I don't know if that is immediate enough as by the end of the day she has forgotten what happened that morning! Any advice on how to make her aware that presents are expensive and that they are not just given out without you having to earn them in some way??? I tried to introduce an elf on the shelf idea but she actually freaked out about the idea of having an 'elf' in the house so I would rather say that Father Xmas has sent us a reward chart to complete and if she gets the stars we will send it to him...

Buggie - can I just ask in your experience...she has now been walking around on it for 4 days and has a very noticeable limp despite saying it feels ok. At times she says it is sore and when she attempted to run after her friend the other day she managed 2 paces before stopping so clearly it is still bothering her. We've told her to take it easy and try not to walk so much but this is easier said than done at her age. Would you recommend taking her back and considering a cast to allow it time to heal? Bit worried that as she walks on it she could be doing herself some damage, even though the Doctor at the fracture clinic said he would rather see her walking without a cast.

Sorry for not responding sooner, thanks to everyone for replying! Suffice to say it has been quite hellish and the time has both dragged and flown by :) I took the advice and didnt allow her to walk on her cast, she has been getting around by crawling which she seems to take great delight in, that and shouting at me every 30 seconds to help her with something. I took her to the fracture clinic yesterday who removed her cast to see how she was. She both refused to try and stand/walk and also refused to have another cast put on so we had a bit of a meltdown/stand off. Anyway she came home and has gradually started hobbling around quite comfortably on her bare foot (turns out the fracture doctor was a little unsure whether she has actually got a break or not...???). If she seems to struggle in the next 24 hours I will whip her back for the lovely pink hard cast that they have promised her.

Hi My 3.5 yr old has broken her foot and has a cast on. It isn't a very bad break I don't think but she has the first cast with the hard back and soft front. We are due to go back in 10 days to see if it can come off. In the meantime we have been told not to let her walk on it which I understand for 48 hours whilst it dries but surely she can hobble a bit after that if we keep a careful watch on it and look out for any damage to the cast etc??? With that in mind I am thinking we could do with a little cast shoe/boot thing to go over the top in case of bad weather, does anyone have such a thing knocking around!??? To fit a young child's cast!? It's all a bit vague as I didn't go to the hospital with her so going on my husbands account of what they said and I think thu weren't particularly clear about how to get through the next 10 days!

I spent a fortune on my dress and have tried to sell it without luck. Had a couple of people come but no-one took it. Prob seems to be that if you are in the market for a second hand dress you don't have the sort of money to spend on an expensive second hand, or you may as well get a new dress, if that makes sense. I was asking 50% the price and it attracted people but when they came I think they were wanting a brand new dress for the cost...rather than a dress hat appeared as new but had obviously been worn. I reckon it's tough to get much over ?1k for a second hand dress...

Urgh I feel exhausted re-reading my post! Thank you to everyone who read it and found time to comment, blimey I don't half go on! I have been trying to exercise all of the advice you have given and have had some successes. She is back at nursery tomorrow for a couple of days so will see how this contributes and try to make some sense of whether it is causing some issues. Thanks so much for all the private messages too, really appreciate everyones advice and it is the exact reason why I love this forum so much. You never feel you are far from support!

Hi My mum is having a rough time and I would like to send her a plant to cheer her up a bit. Anyone got any recommended sites that aren't all those flower ones that seem to only have slightly poor looking house plants. I am looking for a lovely indoor flowering plant that she can look after and continue to enjoy for some months to come - any green fingered people got any tips??? Thanks Jenny

My 7/8 month old wakes between 4-5.30 usually. If I quickly feed him around 4-5 and sit with him he will usually drop off, not much fun but he then sleeps another hour or so. If its 5am onwards he won't go back to sleep, I feel a bit like this is just his waking time...he seems very alert then. Prob not the same if your little one is crying on waking. Could she be cold? I had some success with my older daughter doing wake to sleep, going in an hour before her waking time and gently rousing her and re-settling. Was quite hellish to do it but it did help. Not sure on smaller babies though...

Thank you kind people for all your wise and positive words. Really makes a big difference, this parenting game gets you down sometimes! Some really great ideas on here so Im really thankful. We do make up with a big cuddle after a blazing row but it takes the full on tears and break down before she is inclined to want a hug, that said we both feel much better afterwards. Usually once I have a grip on my patience I will def say sorry and try to explain things, I think part of the prob though is that I definitely think she is older than she is so my explanation is well intended but perhaps a bit too complex for her brain to compute! :) I have also been thinking I look at her as a lot older and wiser than she is, partly because she is at a stage where she wants to do everything herself so can dress herself, get in and out of the bath, put on her shoes etc without needing my help and I forget that she struggles to make sense of a lot of emotive stuff. She is such a brilliant big sister and has never really exhibited obvious signs of jealousy so I also forget that she prob does feel them. She loves getting all his clothes for him and plays with him so nicely most of the time, they have a really special bond and neither me nor my husband are really allowed in on that action, she makes it very clear that only she can make him laugh etc. Inside jokes already. That said things are obviously different and even though she is desperate to spend every waking moment hugging him she is prob battling inside with the different emotions. When I ask her about doing things with just me or just her dad she always says she wants us to do everything together!! I love the idea of the marbles because that makes it so easy to see the progress. I am also thinking of getting sand timers because she never understands how long her turn is etc so seeing these things in front of her shouly help. Also love the idea of the sticker charts for both of us, I feel sorry for her when she is the one always doing wrong and there is no notable punishment for us when we are mean. Similarly her brother is too little to really get in on the action yet so its just her being stood out as troubled child. Yak - can I ask what you give yourself stars for? I def want her to see that I also miss out if I shout or I say something rude etc so thinking of the best way to do this...how does the process go? I would def love to work but have had the chat with work and can't see how I can afford the childcare on my earnings so that ship has sailed. In the process of trying to set up my own business but obviously that comes with the cons of being alone and at home a lot! Im rubbish at saying I want to go out and making plans, always finding reasons not to so I must make more of an effort. I always try to drag my friends out to swimming in the evenings but they are always knackered after working/kids etc too! So I don't go! I always feel better after time to myself so that has to be a priority. Prob is there are only so many hours in the day and I get stuck with housework, business stuff, kids and DIY stuff and my hubby also needs his time to himself. We haven't the money to get a cleaner or anyone to help out but I would love to, maybe if the business proves to be a success - in about 5 years! Life is certainly complicated with children isn't it!

Thanks to you both for stopping to read and reply! I don't really mention him oimissus because I guess I do feel I'm doing most of this stuff on my own. Without airing all our dirty laundry and doing him an unfair disservice, we are definitely in a period of adjusting to another little person in the house and how our roles play out with work/home/money/kids/us all being constantly up in the air. He tries to make it home for bedtime but cannot do it regularly so causes issues when he gets in during books and she kicks off for his attention. i imagine if it was a regular thing that he appeared before bedtime she would expect it but at the moment it can't really be like that because of how hard he works and the fact he cycles to and from hammersmith! She gives him the same sort of treatment, sometimes worse than me because she can see that it bothers him and it does, he finds it very hard. I think because I am around her more I get more sick and tired of it and when we discuss it he doesn't really see the extent of things and frankly he comes home late from a long day and neither of us want to have a serious chat about home stuff! Weekends tend to go past in a blur but hopefully once I arm myself with a bit of an idea of how to move forward we can combine our efforts on one path. Sadly my son is a really live wire and finds it impossible to calm so I have to give him milk in the dark and give him space to unwind otherwise he is a little ball of stress when I put him down, my daughter gets in his face right up until the moment I take him into his room so he def needs that time otherwise he spends a good half hour crying whilst I am then trying to put her to bed which then upsets her more as I have to keep leaving her to go to him. hmmm...how to split yourself in two!? They bathe together and then she plays for the 20 mins it takes me to do his milk and down and then we do her teeth and pick stories etc, dry hair if needs be. She just enjoys refusing it all for the fun and games it entails. Anything to get a bit of extra attention at bedtime and drag it out. I know much of this is usual behaviour and I do tend to overreact because I am really wound up so its a very valid point to try and get out for an evening a week and I will endeavour to because I do think that is key. Age old boring issue of the fact I am too tired and beaten by 8pm to even think about going anywhere other than bed ;) As I previously alluded to, I have some childhood skeletons in my closet which have left me with a rather hefty anxiety issue so find it hard to see the wood for the trees (FYI have had lots of counselling, hypnotherapy, CBT). Chances are she really isn't that tricky at all but I'm too involved in the nitty gritty to see the good bits when I am being shouted at all the time :) If I could just get to grips with how to manage these episodes most effectively!

Hi everyone Apologies in advance, this is going to be a long post! Thanks in advance for those who managed to stay to the end! Daughter is 3.5 and is ultimately a sweet girl with lovely nature and is helpful and kind and caring yet recently she has turned into the devil and I am really at a loss with what to do. We've had difficult toddler times as everyone does and have generally managed to get through these phases fairly well but what we have now is so far from that and my parenting instinct has run dry. Current behaviour includes slamming doors, falling on the floor sobbing and shaking with emotion, looking so angry as if she wants to break things (but fortunately stopping herself), throwing things, being incredibly rude, shouting at us, refusing to do the things we ask her, pouting constantly, always trying to negotiate everything. We have had the 'you're not my friend' for a long time but now it is joined with 'I don't like you' and 'I don't want to see you anymore'. She must repeat these mantras daily, usually every time we have a disagreement about something which is all the time. Having always ben a fussy eater, she gave up eating a few weeks ago and by this I mean she would rather be so hungry her belly hurts than give in and eat something I made her. We have slightly remedied this by trying to eat more together and she now knows that trying something is all she needs to do, she doesn't have to finish her food etc. Its a whole other story really but the mealtime fighting has notched up a few levels since she has become so unpleasant. We are being horrible to each other and none of us are particularly happy. Bedtime has become a nightmare and I have had to start locking the door because she escapes and goes to wake up her brother. (I always go back in once she is calm and we make up before she goes to sleep). I just hate this constant arguing and fighting, she is only 3!!! I am struggling to be the adult because she makes me so mad, I know I shouldn't be such a witch but I am so knackered with a 7 month old baby too and this behaviour just isn't acceptable. I do all the things you shouldnt, pick her up aggressively, put her down on the naughty step aggressively, snatch her toys off her and shout myself but I am really out of control and not sure what to do...hence this plea for help :-( She started a new nursery in April (having been at another one since she was 7 months old) and we moved house last November, brother arrived in January. After a rough couple of weeks settling in she seemed a lot happier there but still prefers to be at home and often talks about her old nursery. I spoke to her key worker this morning about what we are experiencing in case she could shed some light on whether she is picking anything up there. She said that some of the girls can be quite pouty and stroppy which they have picked up from older siblings and my daughter is probably mimicking that a bit. She said that she is really placid and timid at nursery and cannot assert herself because there are some really strong characters and because she is new so she often lacks confidence and plays alone etc. Just typing this breaks my heart a bit (stupid hormones!) As a result it would make sense that she feels free to display her strength and stubbornness at home so we end up with this fireball of frustration and angst. So what do I do?? What do I say in those instances where she says she doesn't like me? What do I do when she misbehaves to start a fight (yesterday she was trying really hard to get me to take her favourite teddy away by whacking her brother over the head with it repeatedly) She loves the drama of the big sobbing fit, the slumping to the floor and rolling around. I know I need to create a more positive environment and try to build her confidence because all she gets at the moment is me saying she is being horrible, she isn't nice to be around, she is annoying etc. I KNOW i shouldn't say this stuff but I think I am at the end of my tether with it all and don't even want to see her. Im afraid of her!!! It just seems like such a mess and I need some skills to get out of it. Need some rules to try and turn it around and give her consistency. She has no real punishment for things, or certainly nothing that is consistent so she doesn't really know what will happen when she is naughty, sometimes no tv, sometimes I take her teddy away, sometimes shut her out of the living room, all a bit up in the air. I have tried to spend mother/daughter time with her and we have been to the zoo, the theatre and swimming lessons etc together but she says she wants us all to be together so I am not sure if that helps. She always gets a good hour at the end of the day to do books and wind down but the prob is that she is eating into that time by kicking off so ends up being a horrible end to the day. I think she would benefit from a nap but refuses and if she does fall asleep at nursery we end up fighting until 10pm to get her down. She would benefit from an earlier bedtime but can't manage that as my youngest doesn't nap well in the day so has to go to bed by 7pm and I can't do them both on my own. Any words of wisdom? Or even just encouragement to stop me from feeling like a horrible mum who makes my 3 yr old miserable!? I grew up feeling I was always in the way, or a problem for my mum (something that causes me massive issues now) and I am worried that if I can't get some sort of control over this situation and start turning it around she will have a similar feeling of little worth. Argh, who said parenting would be so challenging!!???? I yearn for some simplicity and positivity because I actually feel this daily grind is making me a little depressed! Sorry for the stream of consciousness rant. Husband finds it hard to listen to this kind of stuff so thanks everyone!

We were originally at My Favourite Nursery on upland road in Dulwich (for 2 years) and moved in April to Pitta Patta on forest hill(st Germans road). Very happy with both but yea they do get booked up so get on some waiting lists.

I was due my second at Christmas but didn't fancy having to entertain family guests for long so my MIL came around mu due date and then when I was overdue she went home to Norfolk. I had a list of which local friends were around on each day/night and in the end a very kind friend came to at 1.30am. Fortunately baby arrived relatively quickly at kings so husband got home for 7am and MIL had driven early to get to us for 8am so it all worked out. It is hard work but try not to get too anxious about it. I was so stressed in the run up and I swear my son waited until I had calmed down a bit before he made an appearance!

We've used both lascal and the bugaboo one and preferred the lascal. The bugaboo one is easy to take off and put on but I find the 3 wheel design throws the balance of the whole pushchair off, I have I work hard to keep it straight. It's not a deal breaker but its a bit annoying. The lascal was also easy to remove and provided a larger platform for my daughter to stand on.

Hi I've tried the leg rotations and massage, think its a bigger beast if you see what I mean. I've tried all sorts of hands on methods to help him go with little effect. I def think part of it is behavioural and def liquid related. He gets plenty of milk but water is the issue I think, hard to get him to drink it but will keep persevering as I am currently listening to him crying in his cot and making his 'poo' noises. Strange thing is that water day he did two massive and fairly wet (sorry tmi) ones but today was like a pebble again and he's writhing around as if he hasn't been for weeks.

http://www.newstatesman.com/glosswitch/2014/07/motherhood-not-enlightenment-and-we-should-not-condemn-mothers-human-frailty Just read this interesting take on motherhood. As someone with questionable mental health (?!), that has remained a daily battle despite having children, I actually found it very accurate in a number of ways. Thought it was a thoughtful read.

Thanks everyone. Going to try the OCC and also the probiotics, stupid of me really because I have a jar in the fridge from health matters but didn't think to use it!! Thanks for the tip.

Agree with saffron, my daughter (3 now) gas always needed a longer time to wind down so whilst her bath is quick we do 3 books, plus she wants to talk and is also telling me made up stories. Only after releasing all the verbal stuff in her brain can she calm enough to sleep. It's a slight pain as I have a baby too so bedtime routine for both now takes 2 hours but I figure that time with my daughter is her only real one-on-one and so I try to give her room to take the time she needs (within reason obviously!) I never allow her to mess about with pjs or teeth or drying hair etc, those things must be quick but think story time is important for development. You could always try starting routine a touch earlier if you're able to? Always hard if working etc.