Skin_deep

Dear all, I am currently seeking a new primary school place for my 9 year old son. He was recently diagnosed with Developmental Co-Ordination Disorder (Dyspraxia). I have been advised by Educational Psychologist that he can succeed in mainstream but will need a sensitive SEN department. Does anyone have any recommendations? We live in the Denmark Hill/Herne Hill area but willing to travel for the right school. Thank you in advance.

Pacing up and down the perimeter fence of playground, occasionally putting his hands in pockets and making an up and down motion within them. Again, I would hate to vilify this man especially as it could of been completely innocent but it was quite the peculiar movement. I didn?t want to add assumptions in my first post but seeing as you asked I have elaborated.

Dear all, Just now, at Ruskin Park playground, I noticed an older man (white, late 60s/early 70s, 5?11) watching the children playing for at least 20 min. At first I thought he was a grandad waiting for a family to leave but he left alone, in direction past the splash pool. This could be completely innocent and he could just be enjoying watching the children play however it made me uncomfortable enough to put on here. Let?s be better safe than sorry especially as it?s getting darker earlier.

Hi there, My partner is a construction labourer and is currently out of work. He would be happy for the few hours offered if the job is still available. His contact number is 07494 032477 and his name is Ade. Kind regards Laura

In response to Darren Tomlinson's (the professional) personal attack on me: Darren wrote: Now to you Skin_deep. Firstly, as you mentioned I did another job for you that you were more than happy with. So much so, you had me do the work in question at your own home. We approached this job as ?friends? and the price given was ?mates rates?. However, the job should?ve been completed but we?ll get to the reason it wasn?t in due course. So the first day two of us came to start the work, you had a front door being fitted by another ?friend? which you failed to mention until we turned up that morning. There was no way we could start so we agreed to start the following day. I didn?t charge you for the loss of earnings, in fact I didn?t even complain! The following day we couldn?t get access because you were asleep until around 9.30. We then had to wait around for you and your partner to get yourselves and your son ready before we could start (I?m sure he should?ve been at school!). Oh and while we?re on the subject of sons, I should never have to explain my personal/private life to anyone, and not that it?s anyones business other than my own and my family?s, you?ve left me no choice. My son is 12 but he was born 12 weeks premature. His organs, especially his lungs were underdeveloped, which unfortunately means he may be in and out of hospital for the rest of his life. I don?t know what excuses you use for not going to work (Oh actually I do considering you?re son was still at home at 10.30 on a weekday, and I heard you on the phone to your boss!), but I would never use my son?s health as one. Anyway, when we were able to make a start, your house was already messy! You expected me and my tiler to move your belongings including over 50 full 2 litre bottles of water from where we were expected to tile. Now that?s one and a half days already lost. As well as my son going into hospital, I had a lot of other work on. You already cost me a lot time and money which I didn?t complain about, but I?m not here to move my schedule around to suit your needs. My only mistake was my lack of communication with you for which I can be forgiven for and shouldn?t be judged as they were very hard times and believe me there were a lot more important people ahead of you on that list of people I lacked communication with. I took the ?300 you left out of the ?about ?300/?350? I charged you for the work because there wasn?t much left to do, I thought the job would be completed by my tiler that day. My tools were left at your house (tools worth more than ?500 I hasten to add!), and are still in your possession which shows I had every intention to return and have the work completed. With regards to your keys and contacting the police, I hope you mentioned what you do for a living, and why your house got broken into. I don?t drive but I told you that you could pick them up at any time. I posted the keys through your neighbours letterbox as requested in the text message you felt the need to share, and to suggest I ?dumped them on their doorstep!? is quite frankly unbelievable! To also suggest I?m a crook is ridiculous, offensive and very rich coming from you considering what I know about you! Please can you arrange to have my tools dropped off? Otherwise I?ll be forced to call the Police to seek guidance on how to get them back. Dear Darren: Firstly I would like to say it is really quite unprofessional and petty to try and personally attack me. The day you arrived you was well aware that I had someone coming to fit the door as well. You left to go and do another job, in fact you spent about 3 hours in Fox on The Hill pub! You say I left my kitchen messy, however I offered to move stuff when you came round to quote me, you said "don't worry Il sort that out". Also, you said you would do my tiles in exchange for accountancy advice. I politely declined and said please charge me for the job, nobody asked for mates rates. It is your own silly fault if you undercharged. FYI everyone, I am a bookkeeper and work for a Fashion Photography Agency. I have no idea what Darren is referring to regarding 'my living'. I was burgled because another tenant left the block door open and I was away for the weekend which made my flat an easy target. I find your comments on this quite weird Darren. You turned up the following day at 9.30, you did not need to wait for me to wake up at all. Plus you had a key??? Very surreal comments you make about me talking to my boss on the phone, I didn't realise I paid you to eavesdrop as well?. On that particular day my son had an appointment at CAMS at 10am, he was not required to be in school until after this. As everyone can see from the messages attached to this post, Darren was offered the opportunity to collect his tools when he dropped my key. It is his own stupid fault that he didn't. Darren, I googled how much your tools are worth - the electric mixer is ?80 and tile cutter is so old it is hardly worth a thing. Please feel free to contact the police for guidance. I am sure they would love to hear all about it. If you would like me to post our whole conversation thread from start to finish on here I am more then happy to do so. I find it really quite sad that you decided to try and personally attack me. My post was regarding your ability as a tradesman, to respond in such a vile way says a lot about the type of person you are. Please be aware: After posting this on the forum I have had 3 people private message me regarding Darren Tomlinson - I am not the only person he has messed around.

Sorry to disappoint... but no... wasn't the cheapest quote. I also used Darren before to tile a shower in one of the properties I manage... no problems with that job at all. Please keep your assumptions to yourself.

BEWARE: Darren Tomlinson- Elite Tilers In December I hired Darren Tomlinson to lay floor tiles in my bathroom, toilet and kitchen. He came to do work, which would of only taken a day and half at most, but proceeded to come in dribs and drabs over the course of 2 days. On the last day he attended he told me he was just finishing off and would be done that day. Stupidly, I told him where I had left the money to pay him, came home from work and tiles were not finished at all. Of course, he had taken the money. Over the next week he completely ignored my phone calls and text messages to ask when he was to return. Finally he corresponded after I had begged him for my key back as I was unable to gain access to inside my flat block as he had my main door key. He fed a story that his son was in hospital and that was why he hadn't been in touch. True or not, we will never know but it's one of those excuses you can't really question. Over the Christmas period I had to continually buzz neighbours to get into my own home which was incredibly embarrassing and must of been extremely annoying for them. I continued to text and call Darren to find out when the work would be complete. He proceeded to ignore me yet again. I finally got through to him 2 weeks later after sending him numerous text messages. Darren told me he was free on either Friday or Saturday of that week, I asked him to come on the Friday- he never showed up on either days. Again, he continued to ignore my calls and text. In the end I had to call the police to seek guidance on how to get my key back. They informed me it would be classed as theft if I requested the key back and it wasn't returned. I text Darren the following: Hi Darren. This is the last request for my keys back before I contact the police. I have already seeked guidance regarding this matter as you have repeatedly ignored me. I am asking you to post my key through the door of *****. If I do not receive my key back by 24th of January I will make a complaint against you. You do not have permission to enter my property anymore, I will arrange for your equipment to be given to you by no65 on receipt of my keys. I do not require you to finish the work you have already been paid for either. I will deal with this in an appropriate way once I have received my keys back. I am really disappointed it has gotten to this point. I finally received my key back on 24th Jan, he dumped it on the neighbours doorstep, didn't even bother to post through the letterbox. Anyone could of picked it up. Darren started the work on 6th December, hasn't been back to my property since 7th December, took money for a job he never completed and did not return my key for 7 weeks! Darren left my property messy, my washing machine and cooker were left pulled out, most of my doors have been taken off and not put back, they don't even fit now the tiles are down. Please do not hire this man! He is a crook. Please search the business name on Companies House, you will see it was struck off and in the gazette listings. Now I know why he prefers cash in hand! If anyone is thinking of hiring him and would like more information please PM me, I have all the proof and will be happy to share.

I am looking for a business partner to help me start up a PA and Bookkeeping agency. You will need to be experienced in admin and/or bookkeeping/ Accountancy. Would ideally suit a mum who has some time to really invest in growing the business while children are at school. I already have clients and there is only one of me hence why I need someone to come on board. The business has the potential to be very successful. If you would like to know more please private message me.

Another recommendation for Dilly, she's amazing!

Hi Otta, To be completely honest I believe a diagnosis can be made before hand. Doctors/Practitioners/Health Visitors prefer not to confirm its a specific condition until then as children do go through developmental stages such as 'terrible twos' and 'boundary testing'. I actually put this at the end of my story because I was sick of the nursery constantly telling me to get him tested, blaming his behaviour on ADHD etc is an easy cop out for them. Paid a lot of money to get independent opinions and not one of them thought he had any of the above. Glad you bought that up actually - parents please get a second opinion if your child is suspected of having this.

Hi guys, Sorry I have only just had chance to read all of your comments. Thank you very much for the support and kind words! We have now hired a male nanny who starts in May so I am hoping this will be the end of it all!

Hi Everyone. Just wanted to share my experience of Nurseries on here- this by no means applies to all nurseries or children and is just a personal account of what happened to us! Maybe someone else has experienced the same? So my son started nursery when he was 7 months, 3 days a week, let's call this Nursery, Nursery #1. He was at the nursery for just a month and a half, my usually happy baby cried when I left him and was crying every time I picked him up! I just thought this was settling in and things would improve. They did for a while, however when getting him home he was very withdrawn and quiet, showing no interest in his toys what so ever. This was very out of character for him as he was always so chatty and a happy little soul, I initially thought it was because I had gone back to work, so I cut my hours. As I was working only 10-2, instead of 10-4.30 i was still having to pay for a full day rather than just a morning or afternoon session. I didn't feel an immediate need to inform the nursery, I was just going to let them know when I arrived at 2 to pick him up. Well thank god I didn't! When I came to pick him up, they obviously weren't expecting me. I was let in by the preschool staff (you have to walk through the preschool to get to baby room) and made my way to his room.... Only to find the practitioner asleep in the sensory corner! My son and another child were literally just sitting on the floor with no supervision...no toys and nothing to do! I took a picture of her, picked up my son and the other little boy and walked them straight out and into the preschool room, I never woke her as I wanted to show her that I had just taken 2 children in her 'care' from right under her nose! The preschool staff, as expected, were quite puzzled as to why I was carrying another child other as well as my son. I told them that the practitioner was asleep and I couldn't possibly of left the little boy there. I also refused to leave the child in their care until the boys mother was also informed. By now sleeping beauty had been woken and had also joined us in the preschool room. Now for her explanation...which is in my opinion the biggest load of **** I have ever heard. She claimed she had laid in the sensory area to show the children how to sleep...and she wasn't really asleep she was just pretending so the children would copy! Yeah right, if you weren't asleep then how was I able to remove both the children from the room without you blinking an eyelid! I, of course, had a responsibility not just as a parent but as a human being to ring Ofsted and report the nursery, which I did almost immediately. I'm not sure what happened to that particular worker as everything is confidential but I hope and pray she doesn't work with children anymore! I took my son out of that nursery with immediate effect. Now to Nursery #2. He started here when he was a year old, from my past experience with the latter I opted for a nursery with NurseryCam (webcam allowing viewing throughout the day for parents). He started really well here and was happy to be dropped off, so I was a lot happier with this nursery.... initially! Alarm bells starting ringing when he went through a phase (which most, not all, children do)of biting. They immediately decided to do a CAF report (common assessment record) and bring in a child psychologist! I felt this was quite drastic considering it wasn't unheard of for children to have phases, be it pinching, hair pulling, biting, hitting. Anyway, I agreed for the psychologist to come in and she gave the nursery some tips to curve the behaviour. Fine - I can accept this as them having my sons best interests at heart. Little did I know this was just the start of a long line of "your son did this and we need to do something" talks that happened frequently! Instead of the occasional 1 or 2 incident reports I was receiving every couple of weeks, I was receiving 2 or 3 in a day! Now I know parents will make excuses for their children, it's natural to defend them, but I did not! One thing I couldn't quite work out was why he was so naughty at nursery but never at home?!. Usually it's the other way around so of course I started to question the nurseries methods. Having been there for a year and a half by this point, I did trust them and took what they said seriously, it was only until I started, as said before, questioning them on the incidents that I found I was met with short and sharp replies. Naturally people would get defensive but this didn't sit right with me. I started watching the Nursery cam more and more and found that my child was being told off for things that weren't him! Nursery cam doesn't have audio but it was clear to me what I saw. My son was playing with a car, other child takes the car, my son takes back and my son is told off! Now as a 2 year old little boy, being constantly told off even if it wasn't his fault is going to take its toll and believe me it did! I addressed this with the nursery and was told that my son was the main trouble maker/ most difficult child. Fair enough, I can accept no child is an angel but were they really doing all they could to find out what happened when a child came crying? My son isn't a crying child, if someone takes from him he will take back rather than telling the teacher which has obviously made things worse for him. So he now had the label of "troublemaker" and practitioners were obviously looking to him first when there was an incident resulting in him being always and I mean always told off! Another example of this was at the Christmas party which I witness with my own eyes. He went to dance with a couple of little girls, one of the girls got overwhelmed and slapped him around the face. My son did not hit back, he simply clenched his fists at his sides and let out a deep breath (something I had taught him, instead of lashing out). Immediately as he done this about three nursery practitioners all called his name and he was asked to sit for time out! I went up to them and told them that the little girl had actually slapped him around the face and showed them the mark he had! Having asked what they were going to do about it they said the mother would deal with it! The girl in no way, shape or form was disciplined by that nursery, which in my eyes is what was meant to happen...considering they dealt with my child when I was present! This confirmed my suspicions that my child was told off for things that weren't even him, explaining his behaviour at nursery in particular and not at home! I started to ask more about the incidents and would also try to ask my son what happened as well so I could, in a way, get the real truth. My trust was fizzling out at this point and relationships weren't overly friendly. I had resorted to the necessary pleasantries, drop off, pick up, go. That brings us to late 2014, now this by far is the most upsetting and invasive thing any parent can go through and I do not wish this on anyone. I arrived to pick my son up, it was a Wednesday, I will never forget it. Everything was as normal, collected his things, got him in the pushchair and was going out the door. I signed my name out, a nursery practitioner was in the lobby helping another parent leave. She stood at the door whilst I left and said goodbye to my son, who swore at her in Italian, I told him off and as I was doing so tapped him on the shoulder so he knew I was talking to him as I was standing behind him holding the pushchair. I went home as normal and thought nothing else of it. The next day, after I had dropped him to nursery and gone to work, I received a call from the nursery manager who asked me to come in for a meeting that same day. I was thinking in my head she's telling me off for telling my son not to play with the boy that teaches him swear words! Little did I know... An allegation had been made against me. The practitioner that waiting at the door whilst we were leaving the day before had made a statement accusing me of punching my son in his chest! I was mortified and completely distraught, I burst into tears and was completely confused as to why someone would say such lies! I can understand if it could have looked like that... better safe then sorry but it in no way could have ever looked like that. I read her statement to which she said she pushed my child out of the nursery! This is completely wrong, and I corrected the manager. So not only has she lied about me, she also couldn't even get a good story together! Luckily there was CCTV which was checked the next day after the meeting, but child protect still had to be informed as it was procedure after any allegation. I will now quote exactly what the report says... "On 23/10/2014 a staff member reported that an incident occurred when ***** mum collected him on 22/10/2014. She alleged that she saw ***** mum clench her fist and hit him in the chest because of a word he used. I spoke to children's social services on 23/10/14 and been advised to have a meeting with mum. " "After looking at the CCTV and having meeting with mum our conclusion is inconclusive. There is no apparent proof while viewing CCTV to support the practitioners statement. Practitioner stated that she took ***** out with pushchair but CCTV shows mum taking him out. Laura (mum) admitted that she leaned forward and tapped ***** on the shoulder after using an inappropriate word towards the practitioner." Now even though the allegation was now classed as UNFOUNDED I still had to endure a very invasive home visit from Southwark councils Early Years Help! I was so angry, complete and utter lies were told against me which will now follow us through every nursery, school and childcare environment for the remainder of his childhood. I was looking into become a foster parent which I may now, not be able to do! The home visit was December which brings us now to 2015, I was still very much reeling from the allegation but if I moved my son immediately it's deemed as "guilt" so had to stay on there until all was closed and concluded. The practitioner that accused me was very much still working there and I had to ask that she was not in the same room as my child. She obviously had some weird vendetta against me for her to make up something so disgusting, I couldn't risk her doing it again! The nursery promised she would be kept away from him but within a few weeks she was back in the room and around my child! This was obviously very hard for me to see and I spoke to the nursery about it, the reply was " she hasn't done anything wrong so we have no worries about her". Well, to put it frankly, she was a vicious cow that made lies up about me so in my eyes she was very much in the wrong! I didn't want my child to feel my animosity so I decided to keep my head up and get on with it. I was viewing NurseryCam more and more by this point, so was his grandmother. She called me early February to say that she had seen something quite disturbing and she wanted to call Ofsted. Considering what had happen just a few weeks ago I didn't want it to seem like I was seeking revenge so I decided to talk to the manager. My mother had seen my son get up from the table after finishing his lunch (others were still sitting) and go to get some paints. He was left on his own for 5ish minutes until a practitioner went to make him sit back down, he threw himself on the floor when she tried to pick him up. The practitioner then grabbed both feet, and dragged him to the table on his belly (roughly 3 meters). This was the last straw with this nursery. He was pulled out from there almost immediately. This brings us to the present day... My son is better now as he has been out of nursery for a good month but early march it was horrific! He was very aggressive and would never talk about the nursery or what happened there. He has a lot of anger towards women, hides toys everywhere in the house (he has no need to as he is always allowed access to toys),swore in Italian and we are not Italian...a boy from the nursery taught him!. He is very nervous and shuts doors when he goes into rooms with his toys. Constantly wets himself even though he was fully potty trained, he constantly apologises even if he doesn't need to and tells me that no one likes him. It's heartbreaking. We have been seeing an osteopath to help him with his feelings and expressing them. The osteopath found that he was keeping a lot of feelings bottled up which was making him anxious. They suggested a paediatric psychologist, to whom we went to. She finally managed to get him to talk and this is what he said... He is scared that women will hurt him and tell him off. He doesn't want to leave his toys because the other children will steal them. If he goes to the toilet he will be told off. The ladies at nursery don't like him. Mummy didn't stop the ladies from lying about me. A friend from nursery use to make him hit himself (same one that taught him the Italian swear words!). Now these statements are not normal for a child to come out with, I can understand how some of you may think I am looking for someone to blame in all of this but I think it is quite evident, from comments my son made, that nurseries are the main cause of this. I do take some responsibility myself and admit I should have took him out of the environment sooner and I will never forgive myself for that. We are now seeking a nanny so my son can get some one on one attention, in the hope that September he will be ready for 15 hours a week in a preschool. After leaving the nursery we did try another nursery to which he lasted 3 days - they said they couldn't have him there, he had hit a staff member. Then a childminders, 3 days - she couldn't cope with his behaviour towards other children. A nanny share, 2 days- she found it too much with him and another boy similar. As you can see I have tried every route to get him childcare, a sole charge nanny is my last resort. To give him credit he has been the most perfect little boy these last couple of weeks and I can 100% say this I because he doesn't go to a nursery anymore. So just take this as another persons experience to take into account if you're finding your child is starting to lash out or you notice changes in behaviour, it may well be that nursery is not the place for them, something I found out all too late. Excuse any typos! P.S my son shows no signs of ADHD, ODD, or autism. Although he cannot be diagnosed until he is 5, he has been tested and assessed.