Thank god you've posted this! It's not just us going through this... I find tantrums are worse at the end of the day (tired) or if she hasn't eaten well. I had some pretty epic paddy's and my 3yo started wetting herself during them (attention seeking behaviour) I ended up getting the health visitor involved who was very helpful at suggesting tactics for deflating the situation, What worked for my daughter was completely ignoring the tantrum behaviour and then massively over praising every single ounce of good from being able to calm down to good listening etc etc and finally getting to shall we read a story/play with play dough/make some cakes now... I tried everything and this really helped, but it didn't happen overnight. My daughter will be 4 in August and we still get the epic meltdowns but they are much more manageable and short lived now. But I do second they do indeed flair up when I have made her do something she doesn't want to do like brushing teeth, leaving somewhere she is having fun (despite warnings) or for a while there going to nursery...! Oh and also buy/borrow (i can lend it to you) the book 'my big shouty day' http://www.amazon.co.uk/Big-Shouting-Day-Rebecca-Patterson/dp/1780080069 It initially made my daughter cross because it was a little it too close to home but ultimately helped her understand a little better! And ends on a really sweet positive note. Good luck!