Got this from a great unknown songwriter the other night - let me know if you wan't the mp3 of it - by sending your e-mail to my Private Message (To the tune of ?I Don?t Know How to Love Him?) I don?t know how to write songs But I know how to steal them I passed the test I steal the best If you keep to the rules It?s so easy to fool In oh so many ways Some of my melodies are lovely This one?s a Mendelsonh concerto Let me explain Public domain Means that I stay ahead Cos? the writers have been dead For oh so many years I?m in the clear Can they stop me, No Do they want to, No All they want to know is the secret How can they share the action with me ? That?s what it?s all about Now women all adore me Though I look like a ferret What if my face May lack in grace When they see the amount In my bank account They always want to call Yes, size is all All you really need Is a taste for greed Then you?ll find you?re freed from such things as artistic skill and integrity That?s what it?s all about I never feel I oughta Write my own songs like Cole Porter It?s such a strain Why rack my brain When I can pull down a score Find so many more That no one can recall I?ll have them all (To the tune of Don?t Cry For Me Argentina) Don?t patronise me, musicians The truth is I hardly need you You?re paid for sessions I make my millions During recessions I make my millions So don?t waste your breath There?s absolutely nothing you can do For every single word I?ve said tonight is true Allegedly