PinkyB

That's what I get for employing black market elves.

Excellent, I might join you with a Picnic, which is of course, basically a Lion Bar only with raisins in. It's on me, I got paid on Thursday. Gosh, it's a balmy night out there, isn't it? I think these choccy bars are going to melt if we don't eat them soon.

Lion bar for you as usual, Brum?

Those little sods. I've just given them a big pay rise as well, they said the increased price of baked goods in the global economic recession meant their wages were no longer acceptable, and if I didn't sort it out they'd be forced to ballot on industrial action. Did you get a receipt?

In the virtual world of the internet, everything!

Who do you think pays them to come round your house?

Ah, I see. Fair 'nuff, then. Hang on, evictions with artillery?

(laughing to myself like a lunatic) "Say goodnight to Prudence." "No."

Suddenly have a real craving for strawberry milkshake...

Because tiny elves blow it dry with their gossamer-light breath?

That is indeed an impressive story. Pisses on my "got caught shoplifting in HMV" anecdote. I imagine they confiscated the copy of Spare Rib for your own protection, though. Isn't it the case that owning a copy is a sure sign that the reader's a militant lesbian who probably doesn't even shave her legs? You would have been passed around like a roll-up cigarette. I'm afraid i still don't really get why you were objecting to Queen Beatrix being crowned. Was it just a general anti-monarchy protest you made at all royal-related events (in which case, fair play)? Or was there some specific Dutch issue I've missed? And you should definitely frame the bail application. I would be very proud of something like that!

When you can't go to bed yet because your hair's still damp, but there's no-one else on the Forum!

So are you going to explain the whole Queen Beatrix thing, Louisiana, or just leave us guessing? Are you an exiled Dutchwoman?

you had to edit that twice, BBW? I do hope you haven't been drinking.

Oh, that IS a good song! Too Drunk To F*ck - Dead kennedys

Be My Baby - The Ronettes

Never watched the Nick Berry series, but Nuts In May is one of my all time favourite films! (in fact, don't get me started, I practically know the script off by heart) I've had a few holidays in Dorset over the years, a camping trip to Weymouth aged 7 where I learned to swim, and a couple of New Forest caravan holidays. Beautiful place. Still haven't made it to Corfe Castle in the steps of Keith and Candice though. I don't blame you for getting out of London, I'm a South Coast girl myself, and every year I think about moving back there. Unfortunately the rents are not much cheaper than they are around here, and there are almost no jobs, so it's not really an option just yet. One day...

Sounds lovely (although I like a bit of shade myself, I'm a pale girl). Where is it?

I think it might be due another read actually, I haven't read Brighton Rock in a long time. The problem is, every time I do, I get caught up in Graham Greene-land and end up spending the next couple of weeks reading all his other stuff, racked by Catholic guilt and doubting the existence of God and my place in the universe. And I'm not even Catholic. Hmm, a book, a blanket, a screwtop bottle of wine, Crystal Palace Park on a Saturday afternoon... I think that's tomorrow sorted.

Santerme; The film is, as you say, fantastic, and those people who only know "Sir Dickie" from his recent cuddly granddad phase would be surprised how terrifying he is in it. My only issue with it is that they fudged the ending rather, but I suppose it was a bit much to expect the Graham Greene ending in 1947, it would have had people leaving the cinema in emotional tatters. Oh, splendid, Newsnight's started.

Boots own brand. Does the job just as well, but cheaper. This actually all dates from the night a few weeks ago when my evil Scottish neighbour kept me up half the night wittering loudly in her garden. I ordered a job lot of earplugs off the internet, and unfortunately I must have, ahem, inserted one a bit too far in, because I've been half deaf ever since. Well, so not so much deaf as having a constant ringing sensation in my ear rather akin to the time I spent an evening headbanging two foot in front of the speaker stack at a Teenage Fanclub gig and spent the next three weeks shouting "What?"

I think I've probably done that already, although I can't be arsed to count. Also, it's hard to do when your head's on one side and your ear's full of warm earwax remover.

Probably a bit weird, but the odd sensation of pouring warm earwax remover into your ear while tilting your head sideways. Just me?

100 what?

Oh, and re: red-haired men. Not Prince Harry either, he's a tool.