getting through to my 14 month old

[Belle]

Can anyone give me advice on this...

Basically we're at the stage where I think that my little boy knows what's going on - knows that some things are 'not allowed' for instance (eg his dummy is restricted to sleeping time but often he'll retrieve one from under the cot and scurry off giggling guiltily when I see what he's done) - but of course it's not like we're conversing or anything. My problem is should I - and if so how - be trying to guide his behaviour a bit. I do instinctively tell him off/adopt firm tones etc when he throws stuff off high chair (can really tell sometimes this is for effect). Equally I do tell him not to grab his wee friends' toy/dummy/food - but should I even bother doing this when he doesn't take any notice and for all I know doesn't understand what I'm saying? I'm just wondering when or how you start with the disclipline. Didn't really want to use that word as it has harsher connotations than what I'm talking about: I mean gentle guidance really! i guess I don't want to turn around when he's 2 and realise I should have been instilling a sense of what's right all the way along, yet at t his stage I do feel a bit silly (and frustrated) saying 'No don't pull out the soil from the plant pot and eat it'. parents of older children (or those at same stage) - what did you do?

[Fuschia]

Don't sweat the small stuff.... but be firm over the things that are important to you.

Ours learnt very early on that some things are HOT

That it's nto wise to poke the cat

They will attempt to wrestle toys off each other while shouting SHARE

If they hurt each other they give each other a pat and say SOWWY

They are nearly two.. these things must be the stuff that stuck in their heads.

They certainly do understand if you say something like... stop pulling mummy's hair or you will have to get off my lap. If you make athreat, stick to it. They will learn VERY fast.

It's a good idea to try to think ahead a little... like.. never laugh if they put their food bowls on their heads.. there may be cupboards it's best they aren't aware that they even open... there are things that toddlers see, just ONCE and they will never, never, forget it... while you will say, 150 times a day for the next 18 years "hang your coat up!"

Actually, ours do put their own shoes etc away and dirty clothes in the washing basket, they love to copy at this age...

[Fuschia]

Re the plantpot thing, I'd just give two warnings.

Don't pull that soil out please.

Stop that or we'll go indoors..

then BANG, do it.

[Belle]

aw Fuschia your twins sound so sweet - sorry and patting each other!!!

Hmm - plant pot is indoors! But I get the point. I guess I do need to think about the carrot/stick approach but it's so hard to know if it's sinking in. when he throws his stuff off highchair have started not giving it back straight away (if it's something like his drink that can be given back that is).

[snowboarder]

They DO understand so much more than we think I am beginning to realise. Like I tell bsb he's not having something back - he cries....I say we're going for a nap now - he cries (!)...Would he like a biscuit - smiles and looks at appropriate cupboard....Where's Spot? - crawls off to find Spot book....

Crafty. But yes HOW to get them to understand when you say no you mean NO. I'm constantly saying NO....maybe that's the problem!

[pebbles]

I totally agree with fushia re pick your arguments and let the small stuff slide

We felt we didn't wanted 2 words, MAJOR things like hot fires, cars on roads etc etc we say DANGER and although it took time by goodness if i say danger now our 2 1/2 yr olds stops immediately adn turns around and doesn't move off that spot and for things we don't want him to do and that we can't distract we say no

Whatever you do decide are the major issues where you do want to say no to, make sure you discuss and agree with partner and any other carers cos they need the same rules.

I was taught by an amazing friend and mother in situations like eating soil instead of saying no just distract them and let them move on themselves. I suppose I totally agree with the word no but didn't want to be repeating it all day every day so distraction does work for us with the little things and as they get older eating soil doesn't tickle their fancy like it did at 14 months!!!

For me politeness was no.1 and so from word dot i have gone overboard with my pleases and thank yous and at 2 1/2 he's quite a late developer with his talking and just getting the hang of it now but pretty much his 2 first words were peas (please) and tank (thank you) and i just love it.

anyway, as always i'm waffling.

pick you battles but 14 months isn't too early - clever little mites these kids :)

good luck

[Fuschia]

snowboarder Wrote:

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HOW to get them to understand

> when you say no you mean NO. I'm constantly

> saying NO....maybe that's the problem!

Two strikes and they're out, then remove either them or the item... and they DO understand perfectly well, you just have to be prepared to take action... if it's a big indoor pot you can't shift and in your living room, then maybe say "do that again and you go in your highchair"

But you do need an allowance for natural curiosity and try to avoid temptation as much as possible... move things up, out or lock them away...

[chantelle]

At that age, I think your best bet is to just briskly move them away from the situation when they are hitting another child, digging in the plant pots, that sort of thing. I found that if I said NO or made too much of a fuss about certain things, such as throwing food on the floor, my son would clearly do it on purpose, looking at me for my reaction. He's 20 months now and will still throw food sometimes and I just go right over and remove whatever is on his tray, without even saying anything. He has learned that means the meal is over. If your son grabs a dummy, I'd just take it away from him with no comment and then distract him if he gets upset.

I agree it's important to teach things like danger and hot (he learned very early about hot, and shakes his hand like we do as a sign for it), but the naughty things are much tougher to deal with.

I think you just have to be firm and calm and try not to react in a way that they will find interesting enough to want to get that reaction again.

We usually say "unh unh" instead of no, so that he wouldn't just repeat no back to us in that annoying way toddlers have. His little nanny share mate says no all the time though so he has picked it up off him. For some reason it drives me crazy when he says - no no - to any question. Sometimes he means yes anyway!

[plimsoul]

twin mum too and i did exactly like fushia, what you threaten you must do and be smart about the issues you pick. with twins from a very early age you're managing arguments about sharing, hitting, leading the other one on and it doesn't half wisen you up as a mother ;)

[Pecanpie]

Also totally agree with Fuschia, pick battles, two strikes and out, no means no, safty first etc. Started out as a really layed back parent and totally changed my mind mid terrible two's. They really like to know where the line is, and are so much happier for it.

[The Nappy Lady]

Would add, praise good behaviour A LOT, that and distraction are your two best 'weapons' then as others say, pick the battles that must be fought.

We ask them to do something then if no action say 1, 2, 3 and step in firmly. They soon learn not to let you get to 3.

Oh and always talk to them like little adults, they totally get it.

M

[nunheadmum]

I'd agree with all that's said above. They really do understand so much earlier than you'd think. I'd definitely start as you mean to go on - that way you're consistent and you don't need to worry about when they do or don't understand.

I think tone of voice is useful to think of too. I definitely have a 'telling off' tone of voice which seems to work - they know they've gone far enough when they hear that. (And is now being copied by my eldest one with the youngest...so funny to hear!)

[The Nappy Lady]

I remember with my first I didn't really explode with her until she was about 2.5, after that I don't think she ever pushed me quite so far again....part of all this is them testing the limits, so as others have said they want, and need the boundaries.

M

[Belle]

hmm..think perhaps I've overused 'no' and def overused t he telling off voice already! Will need to be selective in the future I think.

[snowboarder]

So - I implemented the two strikes rule this morning at breakfast - the food messing/throwing really drives me mad. Result - baby had no breakfast.

Hmm.

[Fuschia]

snowboarder Wrote:

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> So - I implemented the two strikes rule this

> morning at breakfast - the food messing/throwing

> really drives me mad. Result - baby had no

> breakfast.

>

> Hmm.

I ignore food throwing pretty much. Though I don't tend to pick it up. I find they don't throw it if they're hungry... Don't worry, he will learn pretty quickly. I prob wouldn't say anything at all about it.. give the food, and leave him to it. Don't comment, frown, pick it up. Get him down after 20 mins. I bet you he will stop throwing it!!

[Belle]

My little boy has just started picking his nose...he doesn't get it from me!