Jump to content

Recommended Posts

you really can't. i'm so annoyed i didn't write them down as they came - you think you'll always remember - but i can barely remember what happened yesterday.



a friend of mine whose mother died was really torn about whether or not to bring her 6 year old daughter Sam to Granny's funeral. finally she decided she would, and would try and talk her through it, the realities of life etc... etc...

When the coffin was carried into the church Sam asked what it was and was told 'That's (sympathetic tones) called a coffin. That's where Granny's body is.' Sam duly started roaring crying, escalated wailing 'But- but- but!' and had to be taken out - everybody watching them down the aisle till Sam finally got the rest of her sentence out

'But Mummy where's her head then?!'

When I was santa at school a couple of years ago, a conversation with a 9 year old girl.


Santa, "Come and sit here - what's your name ?".


Girl, "Tabitha".


Santa, "Here's a surprise present you can open later. What else would you like for Christmas".


Girl, "A new brain".


Santa, "Interesting, why would you like a new brain for Chrismas ?!".


Girl, "Because I'm useless in school and my parents get embarassed 'cause I'm so stupid".

I was totally stunned by what she said and asked her what she was good at, suggesting maybe she could concentrate on the things that interest HER the most so she can be happy at doing well with those..

But no, I failed to get her new parents, the sack of presents was pretty much full of only party bags, no adoptive parents in there that I could see !

My 4 year old girl while we were driving up to Barbican family film club..


Dad !


Yep ?


My brain's not working properly.


Oh, that sounds pretty heavy baby.


Yeah, I think it's gonna stop in a minute, it's broken.


What does it feel like, I mean HOW can you tell ?


Well, I've gone blind Dad.


*WANTS to concentrate on driving through Elephant & Castle but looking around to check daughter 'looks' OK*

Well, can you see anything, I mean can you see Daddy ?


Yeah but you're not real, Dad.


OK.... can you see the road and cars ?


Yeah.


Well that's good sweetie, maybe you're not blind just yet.


Dad I think my brain's working again now.


Excellent darling because the film starts in 20 minutes...

OliviaDee Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> our eldest's first word came out as a sentence and

> nearly caused a car crash too we laughed that

> much. from the back seat and out of no-where she

> suddenly roared 'Bang! And the dirt is gone!' we

> hadn't even had a da-da at that point.


haha!! that's hilarious

Sat in his car seat at the age of about 2 and 1/2, with me in the back, his mum driving and my mother sat in the front seat my son noted that we'd just been cut up by another car. He piped up, "Is he a w@nker too mummy, like the man you shouted at yesterday?"


Having lived all his life in Wakefield, West Yorkshire at the age of 4 he tried to converse with an American child at Disneyland Florida. Said child was wearing a baseball cap and dungarees, was chronically obese scoffing a huge burger and the offspring of what can only be described as God fearin' southern folk who believed in truth justice and the American way as administered by large hand guns. Several attempts to engage with the child failed. To which he loudly announced "Dad, this kid is stupid as well as fat and ugly."


Tha' can allus tell a Yorkshireman, but tha' cannot tell 'im much.

KidKruger Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> My 4 year old girl while we were driving up to

> Barbican family film club..

>

> Dad !

>

> Yep ?

>

> My brain's not working properly.

>

> Oh, that sounds pretty heavy baby.

>

> Yeah, I think it's gonna stop in a minute, it's

> broken.

>

> What does it feel like, I mean HOW can you tell ?

>

> Well, I've gone blind Dad.

>

> *WANTS to concentrate on driving through Elephant

> & Castle but looking around to check daughter

> 'looks' OK*

> Well, can you see anything, I mean can you see

> Daddy ?

>

> Yeah but you're not real, Dad.

>

> OK.... can you see the road and cars ?

>

> Yeah.

>

> Well that's good sweetie, maybe you're not blind

> just yet.

>

> Dad I think my brain's working again now.

>

> Excellent d

arling because the film starts in 20

> minutes...


Fine, fine stuff KK, I'm not sure whether you might want to offer it to Peep Show or Outnumbered.

I could see it working some way in either.


Anyway, you had me at 'Oh, that sounds pretty heavy, baby'


Made my Friday night KK.

me - 17 years old, standing in front of bathroom mirror at my mum's house, plastering on a ridiculous amount of make-up. Foundation first.


brother - 5 yrs old, watching intently...then he innocently asks why I am putting on 'new skin'.


A *little* bit older now and I am thinking 'if only it were that easy' ;)


PS. I persuaded him that my lip gloss was just colourless lip balm. You gotta get your own back, right? I remind him of it regularly.

katie1997 Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> me - 17 years old, standing in front of bathroom

> mirror at my mum's house, plastering on a

> ridiculous amount of make-up. Foundation first.

>

> brother - 5 yrs old, watching intently...then he

> innocently asks why I am putting on 'new skin'.

>

> A *little* bit older now and I am thinking 'if

> only it were that easy' ;)

>

> PS. I persuaded him that my lip gloss was just

> colourless lip balm. You gotta get your own back,

> right? I remind him of it regularly.


I just keep playing 'Perfect Skin' by Lloyd Cole & The Commotions, ss I read this.

It seems so right.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Latest Discussions

    • Where did I say he did a good job? Yup and Corbyn was very close to Len McCluskey and funded by Unite wasn't he...they're all as bad as each other... Labour have to purge their party of the far-left - they're a disaster. Allan Johnson summed it up so well on election night in 2019....  
    • Thank you for the detailed advise @trinidad It is definitely damage we are concerned about. I don’t think Evri would agree to pay the bill to fix our gate or letter box if they were to be damaged as a result of their delivery drivers helper. Our doorbell can be heard from outside when rung so we don’t quite believe the aggressive simultaneous door/letter box banging is necessary. It can be quite a shock it is done very aggressively.  I’ll definitely action the steps you’ve kindly provided along with a phone call tomorrow. I do sympathise with the role drivers have and how busy they are, which is why we tried communicating directly with her but sadly we haven’t succeeded 
    • What outcome would you like? Disciplinary action? Not to have the driver back? Retraining? I know there is alot of pressure on drivers to deliver within a set day. if he slams the gate, is it evidence he is causing damage, or is the noise a irritant to yourself? You could put a sign up or buy a signing asking to close the gate gentle???? can you hear the door bell from the door? he might be ringing, not hearing and therefore knocking. In trhe notes section of the be livery page, there is a note section, although there is not 100 per cent these notes would be read as these drivers are constantly rushing.  I did a google search for you, i found this and you can try the envri website Contact Us | Evri   To complain to Evri, you can follow these steps: Contact Customer Service: Call Evri's customer service at 0330 808 5456 for assistance with your complaint.    1 Write a Letter: Address your complaint to Capitol House, 1 Capitol Close, Morley, Leeds, West Yorkshire, LS27 0WH.    1 Use the Official Website: Visit the Evri complaints page on their official website for detailed instructions on how to submit a complaint.    2 Email or Call for Specific Issues: For issues like missing or damaged parcels, you can email or call 0800 988 8888, which is free to call.    1 These methods will help you effectively communicate your concerns to Evri.   My driver is called anthony, he is brilliant to be honest. I cant fault him.
    • When I have more time and energy, I will look up the actual number of votes cast for each party in that election, rather than the number of seats won. I'm interested to see that you apparently  think that  Boris Johnson did a good job of "leading the country through Covid." Is your memory really that short? I won't stoop to calling Johnson and his cronies names in the way that you seem to think is appropriate for left wing politicians. At least the left wing politicians have some semblance of morals and a concern for people who aren't in some over privileged inner circle and/or raking in money for themselves on the back of an epidemic. I'm not going to open a can of worms on here  by commenting on the disgraceful so called "purge". 
Home
Events
Sign In

Sign In



Or sign in with one of these services

Search
×
    Search In
×
×
  • Create New...