The East Dulwich Stag Do

[Michael Palaeologus]

The Queen Anne in Vauxhall is one bus ride away, it is wonderfully seedy and the Landlady is famously 'ard as nails.

Many years ago some Dental student friends of mine went on a stag, the Stag himself finished the night dumped at Marble Arch, naked and with his goolies pained with a bright blue medical dye that does not wash off.

He hovered in the shadows until he saw a Police van and then ran out and flagged them down (he figured that he had no money, his mates were not going to come back and pick him up - so the Police would arrest him the end anyway). The Police took one look at him, took pity, stuck him in the back of the van and took him home. His mates were at his place having a good laugh at his predicament.

They were mortified when Plod knocked on the door and proposed arresting them for assault. The Polce didnt arrest anyone and were just winding them up, but the Stag did get the last laugh.

Until - the wedding one week later, when the wedding night was somewhat undermind by his still very bright blue wedding tackle, his new wife took one look, burst into tears and locked herself in the bathroom.