Help. Nightmare neighbours. How do we deal with conflict?

[Seabag]

They're all the signs of a bully, someone who's been used to getting their own way by intimidation. That usually works when there's no proof as to their behaviours, as it's one persons/householders word against the other.

I'd look into installing some kind of recording cc tv type devices. Mapplins do some pretty ok stuff, it records the events around the house, plus you can add a microphone. My advice is to install and be comfortable in the knowledge that you have the ability to record events.

I had a neighbour who'd got into his head that he 'owned' the space outside his house. He came banging late on the door a few times, once when my partner was here on her own. The next time I met him I calmly told him A. Don't come banging on my door and B. I'm recording all conversations on my phone as I'm not happy with his tone appropriate to his request. He's since backed right down and has been almost apologetic in conversation. He's an ok guy but with an anger management issue, this seems to have neutralised his actions. People hate to be shown up for what they are it seems.

That said, it's hard not to develop a slight paranoia and 'watch the screen' at random times. I know a guy who logs in from holiday to check the cc tv at his business. But checking in at known incidents or reviewing at the same time each day might keep the paranoia part in a managable box of its own, so to speak.

Good luck.

http://www.maplin.co.uk/c/cctv-and-security?cmpid=ppc&gclid=CjwKEAiA17LDBRDElqOGq8vR7m8SJAA1AC0_76vUjrjbOhiqaiN9DRBCbyix0SMXbxyANKIHqztpghoCSFXw_wcB

http://www.maplin.co.uk/p/miniature-bullet-cctv-powered-microphone-dv71n

[Sue]

rahrahrah Wrote:

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> The horizontal 'gappy' fencing is very de rigueur

> isn't it.

It's relatively cheap and looks nice.

There shouldn't be large enough gaps for someone to use it as a ladder, but I suppose they could get toeholds.

[JohnL]

Sue Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> rahrahrah Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > The horizontal 'gappy' fencing is very de

> rigueur

> > isn't it.

>

>

> It's relatively cheap and looks nice.

>

> There shouldn't be large enough gaps for someone

> to use it as a ladder, but I suppose they could

> get toeholds.

Honeysuckle looks & smells nice but also attracts bees to deter people

using the gaps as a ladder :)

[singalto]

Why should replacing a broken fence with a neat new one be a problem? I fell out with my previous neighbours when I came home from work and not only found half the adjoining fence missing (they owned a retired greyhound and I have cats) but their builders had trashed MY garden in the process, leaving their garden intact! My new neighbour had to re another part of the fence but told me a couple of days in advance and his builder stayed in his garden so no problem. Your neighbour sound dreadful. Poor you..

[Angelina]

I think you should increase the size of the fence to shut your neighbours out and pretend they don't exist.

Any attempts on their part to threaten you or abuse you should be met firmly with the authorities. Or a visit.

[malumbu]

Wow. Lots of discussion but only one person has said report it the police.

Find out your local community police officer. Report it and ask them to come over.

They deal with this sort of thing all of the time. They do not take sides (unless it needs to be escalated) and may be able to point you in the right direction. They will not necessarily visit the other party - as this may not be the best way forward.

I expect they wont come in uniform.

I've been there by the way.

[Seabag]

malumbu Wrote:

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> Wow. Lots of discussion but only one person has

> said report it the police.

>

> Find out your local community police officer.

> Report it and ask them to come over.

>

> They deal with this sort of thing all of the time.

> They do not take sides (unless it needs to be

> escalated) and may be able to point you in the

> right direction. They will not necessarily visit

> the other party - as this may not be the best way

> forward.

>

> I expect they wont come in uniform.

>

> I've been there by the way.

Agree

My 'get cc tv' was a prelude to the involvement of the Police. It makes their job easier, and the bully more likely to back off.

Bloody awful situation to be in tho, I do feel for the OP.

[Mick Mac]

Mick Mac Wrote:

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> We had the chance to replace it quite quickly with

> a sturdy, cedar slatted design. It was of course,

> our cost to bear. Our mistake, but we only gave

> our adjoining neighbour a day?s notice that there

> would be a change. Since then they?re really

> making life hell for the 3 of us.

>

>

> When given 24 hours notice, (was this verbal?) and

> how did they react at that point?

No response for this question Hickory?

I see the OP still mentions a days notice but also mentions later in the OP "not informing them"... can you clarify whether you gave them a days notice or not?

With no notice at all I think I'd be miffed too. With 24 hours prior notice and a clear indication of the type of fence and that it was happening the next day I'd feel I was given at least a short opportunity to disagree.

[ed_pete]

MM you might be miffed but would it result in you "Now we are receiving twice-weekly visits from a spluttering, angry, swearing neighbours. "

[Mick Mac]

I'm not agreeing with that over reaction at all - I would like to understand the truth to the supposed notice though.

[LondonMix]

They have already said the notice was too short and they apologized for the notice being too short. They also didn't clear the design with them which they think provides less privacy.

I don't get the impression the OP is trying to 'hide the truth'. They've said they made a mistake but don't know how to reset the relationship and stop the abuse they are no being subject to.