Kids birthday parties - etiquette

[Tallulahdoesthehula]

DD1's birthday is this month, she sent her invites out mid December, more than a week before the kids broke up for Christmas. The venue has a strict policy of maximum numbers, subsequently her list of invitees did need to be culled.

A couple of friends (plus siblngs) outside of school both accepted the invite (4 invites in total, 1/3 of total). The invite clearly stated the day, date and time, which I knew clashed with a club my DD1 and those particular friends go to. We were limited on dates due to her sharing a birthday with another friend and availability of the venue. To be honest there are clubs every day of the week so you are always going to clash with something. They all accepted saying they would put in diary.

Fast forward a month and we are two days from the party, I sent a reminder and the two that had previously accepted have now sent their apologies. Both due to the club, one because her DD1 has a part in the show and needs to practice (she had the part at the point they accepted and the show isn't for another 10 months), the other for the same reason but is apparently scared the part will be taken away if she doesn't attend and she has "worked so hard" to get the part. These are young kids btw below 8!

I have no problem with the club taking priority over a birthday party, had they have said thanks but no thanks at the point of invite that would have been fine. I genuinely don't think there is any malice and we all double book on occasion but in the same situation there is no way I would cancel. I would stand by the commitment I made. They both have used the venue so know numbers are limited.

What is the moral compass on this one? I feel sad for my daughter and disappointed in my "friends".

Would be interested in your views. Is this acceptable or not?

Thank you

[alieh]

Whoa! Never heard of under-8s rehearsing for a show 10 months in advance!

I would be annoyed. Could you fill the places with more school friends instead?

[Tallulahdoesthehula]

There are school friends she wanted to invite but who we had to exclude due to the limit on numbers. She could in theory now invite them but its really late notice so they may well have plans, but of more concern is it is now so late its obvious they are only being invited because of others dropping out which (I think) is worse than not having been invited......

I hate kids parties! They are always far more stressful than they should be!

As for the show...... I agree! They have all of a couple of lines each ?!?! My daughter is also in the show.

[Angelina]

I wouldn't worry about it being late sending out new invites. Send them anyway!

Perhaps have a quick chat with the mums in the playground and say you really hope their kids can come, it's a bit last minute, quite disorganized - sorry - lessons learned but would love it if they could etc....

Invite the parents too. Just have fun. Don't fret so much. Maybe think about booking something that is a bit more flexible if people don't do what they said.....

[Saffron]

Ugh, winter birthday parties are tricky! If it were summer, we'd just have parties in the parks!! Little Saff has a January birthday.

If it were my daughter, I would likely stick with the invitation we had accepted... but I guess it depends if you know in advance that you have to miss a lot of future rehearsals for family commitments?

I would probably try to fill the two empty places, but I would talk directly to the parents, not hand out invitations. That way you can make it clear what the dilemma is.

We always had small family birthday parties until my daughter turned six. Then we went for the church hall option (cheap and cheerful), and just invited everyone (whole class, siblings, parents, non-school friends). Hubbie and I both work fulltime, so this actually turned out to be a nice way to catch up with some of the other parents too. The downside is of course, I had to cater it myself, book the entertainer, stuff the party bags, clean up afterwards etc. ...slightly envious of the all-in-one party venues (but then you're often capped by cost or numbers!) Swings-n-roundabouts.

I hope your daughter has lovely party, and it doesn't turn out too stressful for you. xx

[scareyt]

I think it's rude of your friends to drop out two days before, and especially rude that it was only in response to a reminder from you. And also a bit weird of them to already be stressing about a show that's 10 months away. I would invite more school kids whose mums you like and just explain you have some unexpected spaces and sorry it's late notice. Everyone knows it can be stressful managing numbers and if they're sensible and nice they won't mind. :-)

[alieh]

I wouldn't be at all offended about a late notice invite, even if it was clear it was a B list situation. And my sons would be delighted to be asked even late. I would just go for it and fill up the spaces. I'm sure there will be people from her class that aren't busy!

[Tallulahdoesthehula]

I'm sure it will be fine and she will have a lovely time. The venue is flexible in so far as they don't need us to confirm numbers to them in advance. We paid in advance for 10 children and any additional ones to a max of 15 are paid for on the day. They also take the food orders on the day. The max headcount is down to health and safety as its an activity.

We are three down as one of the girls sibling now wont come either (he is much older but still too young to be left alone, we extended the invite to him as didn't want to exclude him). The other girls sibling is still coming.

I agree winter birthdays are difficult! Being so close to Christmas doesn't help either. My other two children have summer birthdays, so much simpler!

In the same circumstances I know I would have stuck with the invitation I accepted, disappointed that others don't show the same consideration, particularly when they are your friends.