Parenting and self esteem; thoughts?

[Fuschia]

I think everyone feels the same. My best mum friends don't live in ED (one never did, the other moves to W London years ago) and anyway they only have big ones like DS1, not littlies.

It can eb very hard to find mus you really like, and your children are similar ages/stages, get on etc.. and you work thwe right days, if you're part time.

I often take people's phone nos or arange to eet up via EDF, haven't necessarily made new best friends but just some company can make a hige difference.. it takes time for proper friendship to grow I think. In the meantime, it's worth just trying to get together with other EDF mums (post where you're going) if only just fir the adult conversation!

x

[pebbles]

Sorry sb but i'm busy doing chores this morning zzzzz however on wed am i'm heading for Crystal Palace 1.00 club if anyone fancies it - i'll be there from about 10ish? Let me know and i'll tell you all what i'm wearing so we don't have to go up to too many strangers.

poor Gussy, i can't believe that woman turned her back on you - people are truly unbelievable. i think i find the problem in that i see same people week in week out at groups and i try to make chitchat (and to be fair a few other people try as well) but how does one move to the next stage???? coffee/tea etc? it's like the dating game all over again!!!

[Keef]

heading to st faiths playgroup

Hi, is this a weekly group? What time does it happen? Looking for things my mum could do with my daughter on a Monday, as not a lot seems to go on, compared to the rest of the week.

[Pickle]

I think it is true to a point regarding groups of Mums at playgroups - although rather than intentionally blocking other people out they probably form their "fortress" due to feeling a sense of relief from knowing other people there. I know exactly what you mean, and personally have never been brave enough to try and approach a large group.

I have always found it depended on the playgroup as to how friendly it was. At some groups I found myself gravitating towards the nannies/childminders as found them a lot easier to talk to than the other Mums, and never quite worked out why that was. At Goose Green playgroup there was a lovely childminder (Julie) who always made me feel very welcome - eventually I got to know a lot of the other Mums so it got easier.

I'm now in a weird kind of transition phase - kids are too old for playgroups, go to creche 3 mornings a week meaning by the time they've lunched/napped it's quite late in the afternoon and sometimes we can go a whole week without seeing other Mums & kids.

A lot of my existing Mum friends are now back at work for most of the week, and our kids will be at different schools, so my old support network isn't really there anymore.

C starts at Goodrich nursery in January, meaning he'll be away 5 mornings - but I'm hoping to get ourselves a bit more organised and use nursery as an opportunity to meet others. Although I do enjoy the sense of freedom I have now I do sometimes find myself looking enviously at Mums with small babies, as I enjoyed life when it consisted of planning out a week of playgroups.

My ability to approach strangers will be put to the test next week when we start our 5 week stint in NZ - my parents still work, so I generally try to find groups to go to with the kids. Thankfully NZ is a friendly place and people are welcoming, but I have to build myself up to 5 weeks of "oooooh, you speak like the Queen". Which I don't.

[Saffron]

Does anyone else need a 5-minute face? I'm down to a few knobbly bits in the bottom of my make-up bag, and I haven't bought any make-up from a proper cosmetics counter in ages. I'm not vain, but I'd like to be able to whip something on my face that would help me feel more priceless than worthless. With Little Saff nearly walking, half-hour of careful liquid eyeliner application is not on the cards.

My friend Fiona is a brilliant make-up artist. She did the make-up for my wedding (the day before Little Saff was born, as some of you know). She's just recently started doing capsule make-up parties. I've been thinking to get her round to do one for the post-baby ladies (or men? she doesn't discriminate!). I'm not sure how busy she is in the run-up to holidays, or how much she would charge. But if anyone would be interested, I'd be happy to enquire and arrange a time and place.

xx

[crystal7]

Keef the St Faith's playgroup is on every Monday 10-11.30am. It costs ?2 (if I remember correctly). It's a nice friendly group run by local mums.

Snowboarder I went to DP alone this morning- I should have texted you! Although the trip ended with us making a hasty exit post tantrum and E screaming all the way home!

I am naturally quite shy and feel like I never say/wear the right things so would love it if people wore EDF mum badges! Working 3 days a week hasn't really helped the self esteem because, as others have mentioned, I feel as if I'm doing a bad (or at least not good enough) job at parenting and my paid job. Also I feel as though younger, keener (thinner!) colleagues think I'm a bit hopeless rushing off every night at 4.15, half eaten rice cakes falling out of my pockets etc.

I'm going to make the effort to speak to more people at groups. I'll start at P Rye 1 o clock this pm...

[snowboarder]

Keef Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Hi, is this a weekly group? What time does it

> happen? Looking for things my mum could do with my

> daughter on a Monday, as not a lot seems to go on,

> compared to the rest of the week.

Yep weekly 10-11.15ish it seems - just a bit of a trek over to North Dulwich dep on where your mum is based - or whether she drives. There's Ruby Rhymes too at the church at the top of red post hill which is drop in. Hmm can't think of much else...

[snowboarder]

Oops cross post - C7 we ended up gatecrashing the great but age inappropriate bumps and babes at goose green. Hopefully not too many small babies got in the way of the huge fire engine wielding snotty toddler...

[Keef]

Thanks to both of you for the info. My mum doesn't drive, but might be up for the walk.

[sillywoman]

Is there still a Monday morning drop-in playgroup in the church behind ED Library (Lordship Lane)? That used to be a lovely one.

SW

[BEANIE1]

Thank you to everyone for your honest and overwhelmingly reassuring posts. As I sit here at 36 weeks pregnant with baby no. 2 (no.1 is now a very lively 2 and a half year old boy)I have had many moments recently of remembering the sheer lonliness that I would often feel first time round. The attempts to get to know other mums and always coming away feeling a bit rubbish and not quite up to scratch. Not to mention the feeling of having nothing useful or interesting to say. And now to think that maybe I was not the only one thinking such things. I can't begin to tell you how reassuring it has been to read your posts now that I am about to rejoin the merry go round of fun which comes with a newborn. I will be coming along to some groups and will happily wear a badge or ask "Do you like biscuits?" and maybe I might meet someone to have a nice chat with. Here's hoping and wishing everyone well.

[Fuschia]

Maybe we SHOULD make some little badges or ribbons!!

[sillywoman]

Ooh, do like the "do you like biscuits" badge idea. Where can we get some made?

[Ruth_Baldock]

Snapfish? I'd be up for this, especially since Baby Baldock is now getting to be a bit of a handful at groups and either likes to play with toddlers, or stroke (smack) newborns; I find myself constantly apologising.

Lots of friendly ladies at bumps&babes yesterday, I wonder if any of them had read this thread?!

[Fuschia]

Let's do it...

[Fi from West Dulwich]

Having recently had a crisis of confidence after looking at myself in a Proper mirror (ie not the kindly one in the bedroom that dims the harsh, wrinkle-revealing glare of daylight) and realising that 20 months of breast feeding and night wakings had left me looking, well, sucked dry, I promptly purchased some gold leather Converse and a new lipstick and instantly felt Much Better. But actually aside from looking like the life blood has been drained from me, I feel MORE confident now as a mother. Granted I tie myself up in ludicrous knots wondering whether I have damaged O in all sorts of ways (poor birth/wrong position in sling/London air pollution; you name it, I've worried about it), but actually, I see my pre-baby outlook as amusingly self-indulgent. I LOVE how important I am to O, and I value it enormously for him and me. And I think all those people who still have time to lounge on sofa and read Heat magazine have yet to find out what really makes life worth living. And I love those conspiratorial looks, smiles and grimaces that mothers passing each other in the park or street share. It is like a big, oxytocin fuelled club and I am really rather proud to be a member. Anyone worried about losing their identity should give themselves a pat on the back. And buy themselves a new lipstick.

[edanna]

Coming late to this thread as usual and have cried through most of it! If anyone did try to strike up a conversation with me I'd be very happy, but much of the time I may not be confident enough to make the initial approach. I love the idea of the badges because I often think I could be next to another mum I 'know' from the forum but don't realise it. Ruth, do you have the time to organise? I'm not sure how much it would cost but I'm sure EDFers would be happy to chip in ?1 or something for a badge. Will help you distribute if you like!

[pebbles]

i'm deffers in but would struggle to organise i'm afraid xxx

[sb]

.

[Fuschia]

??

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/button-badge-38mm-your-own-artwork-personalised-/110614471930?pt=UK_Collectables_Badges_Patches_MJ&hash=item19c122e4fa

[pebbles]

hysterical, i have just chuckled out loud and gone quite red (hubby looked very baffled) at the thought of all of us walking around ed wearing badges. love it, want to do it, but still feeling a little red about it - if that makes sense!!

ok, maybe a bit more expensive but how's about a crocheted flower brooch??? - however seeing as i live in tracky bums and fleeces i think a badge would actually suit me a lot better??

or what about a badge but something smaller than that??

i'll do a bit of searching now

[edanna]

Pebbles, I agree, we don't want badges saying 'I'm a nice mummy who has self-esteem issues. Please talk to me if you're one too'. That wouldn't fit anyway! I'm sure there's a stylish yet cost-effective alternative.

[pebbles]

you know the pink ribbon pin badges that are for breast cancer. i have one as it's a charity close to my heart but i also love wearing it as it's small and i think classy. ok, so we could perhaps approach someone who isn't "one of us" but surely that won't matter cos it'll be another mummy anyway and she'll i'm sure be happy that someone has appraoched her and said hi

i'm thinking something like this and only ?1????

http://giftshop.cancerresearchuk.org/cancer-research-uk-range/pin-badges/ribbon-pin-badge-bca-10.html

[sillywoman]

am still liking "do you like biscuits?".

How about this place? http://www.promobadges.co.uk/our-prices-for-custom-badges.html.

SW

P.S. if anyone could ever spare time to show me how to hyperlink on my mac I can pay in biscuits & gratitude!

[Keef]

If someone has no badge, will they be ignored, and forced to eat the sainsbury's basics digestives?