Parental disagreements; insight much appreciated.

[Heft]

Can I just chuck into the mix that it makes me sad to see things like: "I'm not doing this to have a break." People who do childcare and don't think their needs are important or relevant in these situations should know that they are. Childcare is so much harder than sitting on your backside in an office all day. There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving yourself and your child the opportunity to have time away from each other if it is of benefit to both of you, and in my experience it is.

I've had post-natal depression during maternity leave after having both my children, and having just gone back to work for the second time I can tell you that being in the office is what I call my 'rest' time. I realise people don't want to create conflict with their partners, but if your partner hasn't looked after two children on their own for more than 1 week then they don't understand what it's like and have less experience to understand what is best for everyone.

The needs of children are, of course, really important but they don't eclipse the needs of everyone around them too.

Hope that's taken with the earnestness with which it is meant! I'll just add that, as DaveR says, a childminder is a good option as a transition away from you but still in a home environment. We used a childminder until age 3 and then on to nursery. Worked very well.

[Otta]

Childcare is so much harder than sitting on your backside in an office all day.

How do you know Ruth's husband sits in an office all day?

[Heft]

I don't know he does, but I do. Was using myself as a reference.

[Ruth_Baldock]

Heft, so true. It's a bloody graft, even though my second baby is a very good and chilled baby, she's a holiday compared to her brother, ha.

DH does appreciate how hard it is, as much as he can anyway- he knows how difficult it is with just the toddler, w/o th needs of the newborn to contend with too. He has actually offered to go into work late several times a week to take our son to activities and such, and in the end, I told him that the decision was mine to make, not his, ultimately. In a nice way.

He did take our son into work with him on Tuesday, baby had jabs in the am. She slept for 3.5 hours in the pm, and I ate cake and napped. It. Was. Awesome.

[womanofdulwich]

I never know how people manage children just 2 years apart. I take my hat off to you!

YOu deserve as much help as you can get. 4 years apart is soo much easier ( but harder in other ways)

[Ruth_Baldock]

It's actually 18mo apart. Well, he turned 19mo about a week before she was born but details, details. How do I manage/cope? I barely do. An awful lot of crying and tantruming goes on in this house. My daughter is huge,98th centile for weight and height, and that's because I feed her whenever she starts go cry. Ha.

[cuppa tea]

If you can manage to string a couple of sentences together on a forum, and you do, then you're coping fine! ;)

Personally I think you found a good compromise.

[curlykaren]

another suggestion could be to get a babysitter in the home for the baby and take oldest to playgroup a couple of times a week? Avoids eldest child feeling further excluded by new arrival.

[Ruth_Baldock]

We had a PN doula coming in a few times a week, for an hour or so, but her time with us has just come to an end. Bums. I'm terrified about leaving Lex with anyone without me there as she won't hav anything to do with bottled of expressed milk. Irony. I have a freezer full of frozen milk for kings or whoever wants it because baby sure ain't having it. Sigh. My first would take milk, formula, whatever from a bottle- didn't give a monkeys, but was very "spirited" and a terrible sleeper. My second is a brilliant sleeper and very laid back and thoughtful but won't have a bottle. Swings and roundabouts.

But I digress. Nursery in January, hoping me and seb don't go mad between now and then.

[HelenChildminder]

Perhaps spend the money that you would have spent on nursery for the next three months on a cleaner if you don't already have one? That way when baby lex is sleeping you won't need to worry about the cleaning and can spend time with seb?

[echo]

Have you thought about getting a mothers help?? Perhaps a (CRB Checked) student to help around for a few hours per week and who is flexible to be either cleaning the kitchen or playing puzzles etc? This means you get support to do individual things with either child and they bond with one person.

I did that and it helped a lot.