Help!: My Toddler won't eat!

[fufton]

My 3 yr old son has always been a very fussy eater and only eating small quantities of food. Over the last few months its getting worse and worse, I just can't get him to eat anything. I've tried giving him lots of options, tried giving him no options ('this is your dinner and there is nothing else'), kept a food diary etc etc, we've been to the doctors who just said to give him no options and less milk - he was tending to fill up on milk during the day. i have stopped milk during the day and it hasn't improved.

I'm sure its just a phase, but it is getting silly now, every meal time is either a battle and he walks away hungry or I just giving up trying to force him to eat and he walks away hungry. At nursery he at lest eats breakfast but only picks at his lunch and snack as well.

Does anyone have any suggestions that I could try, I'm getting desperate now!

[Saffron]

Does your toddler ever help you prepare meals?

What happens if you don't offer any food and wait for him to tell you he's hungry? If you leave nice things to eat within his reach, like nuts, cheese, or fruit, will he ever help himself if you don't offer food?

I sympathise with the milk situation. My daughter is 2.5 yrs, and she's a milkaholic.

[Fuschia]

How much are you expecting him to eat? Is he underweight? My children have quite different appetites but have all ended up about 50th centile

I have twins, now 4, and one eats twice as much as the other!

I think you just have to trust that children rarely starve themselves.

Tell us what you offer and when and what he eats?

[echo]

There is a book 'my child won't eat' written by spanish paediatrician Carlos Gonzalez, published by Brixton based Pinter and Martin.

It is part of the Baby led weaning style of understanding little ones eating habits-

[fufton]

Thanks everyone, saffron I will try your suggestions.

Fuschia, I'm not expecting him to eat much....just something!! At nursery he will have 1 weetabix for breakfast (I think that is great) and then picks at his lunch and I may get lucky if he eats a sausage at dinner as he did tonight. Weekends tho I can't even get him to have breakfast, he can go all day on a slice of malt loaf!

I offer him all sorts, basics like fish fingers and sausages, fish pie, chicken pie ( don't think he has ever actually tried chicken in his life yet!!). I try and make it fun, I've even tried with things like nutella to get him to eats a slice of toast but he's not interested! He does have preferred things, pasta and sausages usually work to get something into him but it's barely a meal.

He is incredibly fussy ( will only eat 1 type of pasta sauce) and that's not for want of my trying, I regularly take to restaurants etc as well to try and tempt him with stuff but just no joy.

I'm sure he is just being stubborn which he can be ( when potty training he didn't want to have an accident so decided it was best just not to do a wee....lasted 2 days, I thought he was going to explode!!). But joking aside this is getting silly, doctor said his immune system was low as a result and to get him to drink orange juice, guess what.....doesn't like oj!

Help!

[Mens]

what worked for me was only giving them what they liked when they were going through that stage and if that means weetabix or pasta all day for weeks on end then so be it (with one of mine it was sardines, even for breakfast!). My two have great apetites now.

The baby will only eat weetabix and spaghetti bolognese (which is nutritionally okay). She has had nothing but these two things for months.

[Fuschia]

I think the next step if it's causing you a lot of concern is to to ask your gp for a referral to a paediatrician to see if there is a physical or behavioural cause, and to clarify whether it's doing him any harm

(how is his weight? Is he Ill a lot? Is he short on energy? Are the nursery concerned?)

Eating just cereal, pasta with tomato sauce, sausages is actually very common ... And I would regard half a sausage as a reasonable portion size for a child with a small appetite. What and how much does he drink?

X

[Fuschia]

Did he have reflux as a baby?

How did weaning go?

[snowboarder]

Hi - come over for tea, my three year old only eats pasta (cheese sauce or pesto ONLY), sausages, bananas and bread and maybe a handful of shreddies. Oh and chocolate! It's totally tedious, restricting and I imagine nutritionally not great either. He had hysterics the other day as he thought I was daring to give him tomato pasta (had muddled up bowls and put his brothers lunch in 'his' bowl!!). About the only good thing is he will eat relatively good portions of what he does eat, so I kind of go with it. Anyway...no answers...his little brother eats more normally and will eat fish pie etc so peer/sibling pressure doesn't help...Just to say you are not alone!!

[fufton]

Yes fascia he did, was really quite bad and weaning was a nightmare!

[fufton]

Thanks snowboarder, u r right, it is tedious, just wish I could get him excited about trying new stuff.

[snowboarder]

I know. Sundays and in particular christmas day was a particular low point for me when I realised I actually was serving my child sausages and a hopeful spoon of beans for christmas lunch. Sunday lunch is a pasta bake. I really never imagined this....I LOVE food!

[Saffron]

I agree with Fuschia, re getting a referral to a specialist as it's causing you so much concern. Also the fact that the GP thinks immuity may be low as a result of diet is not great, if it's true. Getting him to drink OJ is better than nothing (if you can get him to drink it!), but actually juice is not very nutritious. It's also linked to tooth decay and UTIs (hurrah, another thing we can all feel guitly about as parents!). A specialist (whether dietition, behaviourist, paeds consultant etc) will help you identify the source of the problem and work to correct it. OR, they'll re-assure you that there is no problem, and all will be well in time. Either way, you lose nothing by asking for a referral. xx

[Fuschia]

Fufton, I wonder whether his experience of reflux has given him a bit of a negative view of the whole food thing? Poor little chap

Definitely sounds like getting him checked out now would be a good move

[fufton]

Yes, it may be something to do with that, i think you and Saffron are right, I'll see about getting a referral, if its just me over worrying then fine, but if not then its best to know.

Thanks all

[hellosailor]

Snowboarder, how is smallest snowboarder eating now by they way? Feels a while since we compared notes! Mini Sailor is still fairly erratic, some days gobbles down food and others, well, I don't have to tell you I'm sure! An oat cake is sufficient!

[Curmudgeon]

Some information that I always found helpful when my children were toddlers was that a fairly normal pattern of toddler eating was to eat, what we could consider a meal, every two to three days ... Ie they don't tend to eat a full meal three times a day ... So you must track over the week rather than day by day

Look at the size of their hands,tiny right? And roughly the size of their stomachs .... They can't fit much else in

Also every bit of food counts including anything they'll graze on whilst playing

Children also pick on parental stress ... And we are conditioned to think I'm not being a good mum if my child is not eating ... In a way if you can stop watching every mouthful (not saying you do, but some do) and maybe just sit at a table having a conversation than clear away the plates at the end of the meal with no "eat this" direction and definitely no proffering food then you can take the stress out of it ... It will take a few weeks of this to effect any change of course.

Family mealtimes are supposed to be relaxed social things and it sounds as though you understandably have become so worried about food consumption that you aren't able to enjoy them.

Some thoughts that you might wish to consider

Change the environment ... Have a living room picnic .or eat in the park . Let him grab things himself from a central plate .. Do some cooking with him ... Kids love to bake, I can suggest muffins and you can hide veg and fruit in them....

Above all do not panic ... Repeat "this is a phase"

Hth

[snowboarder]

HS - bizarrely smallest snowboarder slightly better in that will actually eat unprocessed meat and fish and vegetables - favourite food = peas. Random. Erratic though as you say!