Exchanging unwanted gifts

[Pickle]

Do you do it? Do you tell the person that gave them to you?

I've just had a lovely time in Bromley exchanging a whole lot of inappropriate (size/colour/wrong season/generally quite ugly) clothes that the kids grandparents gave us. Gift receipts were included, none of them would have been worn - most were quite summery styles that fitted the kids now but would have been too small next year, so no use at all. I got some lovely bits for each child instead which they will wear a lot, and only had to pay a few ??? over the value of my exchange.

My problem is that we are seeing their grandparents in half term, and I can guarantee I'll be asked whether they are wearing the clothes they gave us. Given I'm already far from being favourite daughter in law, do I politely say "yes, they're lovely, wear them all the time, but they're all in the wash", or admit I swapped the lot?

[hellosailor]

I'd go with 'they're in the wash' if you've swapped the lot, I reckon you can get away with admitting swapping one item 'I had to take it back as the hem unravelled, it didn't fit, etc' but I guess admitting you swapped everything is admitting you don't like their taste! It's a minefield with this stuff isn't it?!

[Pickle]

Some of it was quite nice, particularly the things for the baby, but they were all 6-12 months and summer styles. I might admit to swapping those ones (although I have switched a whole lot of baby pink for bright greens and purples!)

[Monkey]

Well it depends what your MIL is like. Mine happily rummages through our child's drawers and even bags I had prepared for the charity shop. So I can hardly lie. If yours is not like that, just nod and smile would be my advice.

[Pickle]

Ha ha, Monkey, mine wouldn't dare!

[Saffron]

Saying they're all in the wash might work once. However if you use that excuse time and again, then it just makes you look like you're not considerate enough to have their special clothes washed and presentable on the day. :(

If they took the time to choose clothes, I can understand why they'd like to see at least one original item on their grandkids.

Out of every 'batch' of gifts, always keep one original? Then make sure the kids are wearing it on the day! :)

Also, preempt inquiries with a direct approach. Have your kids make beautiful thank you cards, and place a little note in each saying 'Thank you for the lovely X, we've had to swap if for a Y which Toddler adores.' Or something to that end. Keep it short and sweet.

Don't offer a reason for the swap in your note. But if asked, I would be honest. Otherwise they'll never learn what it is that you want/need for the kids.

On the flip side, it was really thoughtful of them to include gift receipts. So they can't expect that everything would be a perfect fit. xx

[jollybaby]

I don't think it would be unreasonable to say that you exchanged them for more wintry styles. My inlaws are in Australia so I can get away with not dressing our daughter in the monstrosities they send over. Blue leather waistcoat for a newborn girl anyone?!

Unfortunately their taste isn't much better when it comes to buying for us. my BIL says that they have the knack of finding the worst item in the best shop! Same BIL on Christmas day had the guts to hand a present straight back to his father, saying that he'd never use it so he may as well give it to someone else. Not necessarily recommending that approach.

[hellosailor]

j Blue leather waistcoat for a newborn

> girl anyone?!

>

> That is special..

[Pickle]

Mmmmm, the waistcoat sounds lovely ;)

My brother (in NZ) sent "wet look" black leggings for my baby daughter when she was born. Needless to say they weren't used!

[jollybaby]

Pickle - I think the aforementioned waistcoat may have been purchased on a trip to New Zealand. Father in law is a little obsessed with New Zealand natural products, along with Canterbury sportswear!

[eco79]

Blackpool great-nan [my nan-in-law], knew we were due a boy, but presented us with lemon yellow, baby blue and white knitwear from the days of yore. Blousey, ribbons, matching bonnets and pants...the works! We took pictures of our little man in them, emailed them and then bought her a Debbie Bliss pattern book and a load of nice wool as a thank you....because we know how dear wool is. No more dodgy knits.

The more pressing issue is that Blackpool has no baby shop. But it does have a good market and a lot of thrift shops. Some of the clothes we've had bought for us would have caught light from a match a mile away. Pure plastic. I haven't figured out what to do with these yet.

[Smiler]

I feel a little sorry for your MIL, but reckon honesty is the best policy, or could just be the same next year, and the one after that!

A friend of mine has a truly hellish MIL who hand makes dresses for her granddaughter in OK styles but hideous, inappropriate fabrics, e.g. those neon acid smiley faces! This all started after my friend swapped some (pink, v v frilly) clothes. Extremely hard to challenge, although I couldn't remain quiet in my friend's shoes!

[Mrs Bigsy]

how about putting kids in clothes and taking a photo to email/send to MIL THEN returning them to the shop and swapping for something nicer. everybody's happy ;)

[dulwichgirl2]

If they gave you the receipts, then, surely, it is fine to take the items back?

Some shops stock different things in different parts of London so it is entirely possible that the item you have now bought might not have been available to the kind giver. Maybe his/her taste will be totally reflected in what you have now bought, which would be a great result actually.

[Mrs TP]

Echo Mrs Bigsy - first rule of unwanted clothes gifts, put on child and take photo for thank you card - job done.

If your relative or whoever has bought / made the item and genuinely thinks you will love it - don't say you've swapped it. They may try even harder next year and get it more wrong. Just be gracious and say it was lovely thank you very much and be glad your kids are young enough for you to get away with it. As they get older they actually love some of the hideous items that come their way and you as the parent have to grin and bear them wearing it - funny how many kids and grandparents tastes match up but not the parents.

Presents show that someone was thinking of you and we should enjoy that element rather than be cross the pressie is so wrong.

However, there are the gifts from those that do it out of begrudged duty or for some other 'odd' reason that have no thought behind them - do what you like with those.

Laugh and enjoy the dross, the kids soon grow up and it passes.