Feeling like a 'Proper Mum'?

[Audrey]

When the following plays out:

parent: Where's the books/your head/the tree etc etc?

16 mo : points obiedently at various things.

parent: Wheres Mummy?

child : points at me with a silly grin on her face

parent : Where's Daddy?

child : looks blank/wistfully out the window/at the ipad.

Never FAILS to leave me in stitches! But then on Saturday I brought her out for the afternoon and forgot her shoes. HER SHOES FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

So back to feeling completely inept, then....

[Smiler]

That list is from the stepford wives school of thought. Completely agree with clare11.

[Smiler]

Am currently struggling big-time with what feels like a total loss of myself, 4.5 years and 2 children on! The children seem fine, and I could tick all the boxes on that stupid list (with the help of cleaners!) but feel pretty rubbish in myself. Obviously want the children to be OK, but my list in terms of being "on top of things" would be more like:

1. Ok relationship with partner, bit of time together sometimes

2. Having some kind of a social life

3. Doing OK at work (if working)

4. Fair share of domestic work, childcare etc with partner

5. Sleeping OK, eating ok

6. Being able to smile, laugh, relax (without booze/fags/chocolate)

7 looking ok (at least for work/when wanting to look nice)

8 health ok

And not:

1. Crying every

[Clare11]

Thanks Smiler. I really like and sympathize with your list.

Do you get time out for yourself? That's what I struggle with most having a little boy of 17months.

[midivydale]

Smiler, i sadly can not tick any point what so ever on your list. I am in awe of those of you with 2+ children.

[tiddles]

I have two teenagers and still don't feel I have cracked it!!

[Smiler]

Oh dear midivydale, hope things look up for you soon. I can tick 3, on a good day, did better when at home on maternity leave, think it's working again that has cocked things up! hopefully not forever.....

Thanks clare. Time for self is tricky with toddlers around. I like the concept of "equal leisure time" for both partners (with a bit of a sad definition of "leisure time" to include stuff like lies-in, DIY, exercise, extra - ie above minimum necessary to retain employment! - work, cooking-for-fun, socialising etc). Also turning down invitations for dates in the future that I wouldn't want to do that evening (if can get away with it). Nothing worse than a "nice break" (in someone else's eyes, for you) that is anything but!

[Clare11]

Smiler. In saying I like your list. I didn't mean I was happy about its contents, more that I would have a very similar list. Which isn't great, but more realistic than the original one posted. (For my circumstances at least)

[susyp]

Just in week 2 of being back at work, part time only and not what I used to do - but have to say I feel more of a mum than ever as I finally feel grown up again after the past 4 years of chaos. It's nice to go in the workplace and feel a new identity as a mum who works compared to being a single and childless (can hardly remember) woman!

susypx