Mummy mummy mummy - enough!

[reren]

My toddler is going through a bad mummy phase - he has always been a bit mummy focused but its really bad at the moment and really hurts his poor dads feelings! I guess it's just a phase - but I wonder if anyone has any tips for trying to get them to focus a bit less on you? It's perplexing too - my husband And i split the parenting very evenly (both work but partly from home) and because my husband works from home and on a freelance basis he is around a lot. He's a lovely dad too - lots of fun and gives lots of cuddles. He has been working a lot of evenings recently which means I do all the bedtime stuff but then he is around during the day - we also have an au pair (who 2 year old adores although sometimes he also rejects wanting mummy instead). He isn't at nursery yet and there's been no changes recently to disrupt him. I think he could be getting molars through and he has been very coldy for last couple of weeks (so maybe connected to feelin ill) but his mummyness is really bad - hates his dad taking him - gets upset when he wakes up and his dad is there rather than me ... Seems to do it much less w the au pair - it almost feels like an anti- daddy thing...really starting to bother my husband - I feel really sorry for him being told 'go away daddy'. I always say to my son - I don't like it when he says that and try not to reward that behavior - and we don't always give in ... But especially when he isn't well and really distressed - I end up feeling I have to be the one to deal w him...what is it all about!!!

[Convex]

Went trough the same.... Only daddy was the favourite! Pretty difficult for me so I know how your husband feels.

As all things it's not personal and I'm sure is just a phase.

How is he when you aren't there ie it's just daddy?

[susyp]

We have this a lot of the time. I left my 4 year old with her dad for 2 consecutive weekends recently when I was doing a training course and lo and behold - it was daddy daddy daddy! Of course once she had one more day with me it was back to mummy mummy mummy. But at least my husband doesn't take it quite so personally anymore!!

susypx

[canela]

mmm, yep, been there too!

it really is just a phase and you have to see it with that perspective. for whatever reason that he is not able to vocalise yet, your son just needs some mummy time at the moment. the quickest way to get to the other side of the phase is to give him what he wants. he wants and needs something from you and will keep asking until he gets it. sometimes it's the security that often a mummy gives to children (lots of kids want mummy when sick - even ones a lot older than your son). there is nothing wrong with that - you are not rewarding 'bad behaviour' at all - just responding to a (sick) child's wish to be with his mother.

try to encourage your partner not to take it personally - for it really is nothing personal. and at some point during his childhood the tables will turn and daddy will be number 1 for a while

[Mrs TP]

I don't think it ever changes if you see my post on here: http://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/forum/read.php?29,1009090

My eldest is 11 and still comes to me first. My hubby was also upset when they were little but finds it hilarious now as his days are relatively uninterrupted whilst I am all but handing out those number tickets that you get on deli counters so that the queue of things they come to me with is dealt with fairly. The youngest (3) also kicks off if her Dad is to look after her but they always have a great time and she is the only one who runs off to help him in the kitchen, as he does most of the cooking.

Much as we live in a very modern world with equal opportunities and hands on Dads, kids still (generally) prefer Mummy's nurture. That is an observation and not a mantra I was born with or ever thought I would particularly adhere to.

[Ole]

We have just had that but the reverse - it was a case of 'go away mummy i only want daddy' or 'i don't want mummy to read to me'. I realised that i was unconsciously responding to it by perhaps being a teeny bit more impatient with him so after a particularly bad day of 'go away mummy' day (bearing in mind i work part-time and my husband full time), I gathered myself and was extra patient with him and within a couple of days he stopped it. At the same time my husband had a man-to-man chat with him (as he put it at the time) and told him that it is not a nice thing to say to mummy, and also neither of us bow down to his mummy (or daddy) preferences as and when they happen. I think this is probably a common phase for most children and they probably alternate between mummy or daddy being flavour of the month (this is our experience anyway).