can anyone help - sleep !!!

[kamath]

Hi , can anyone help me or give me some advice. I couldn't breast feed my first child but my second took to the breast straight away . Unfortunately I developed thrust in my breast and feeding was very painful, so painful I almost gave up. But after 10 weeks it got a bit better. Now 13 months down the line I am still breast feeding which is great BUT at night he wont stop and sleep ! he also is not a great eater in the daytime and want the breast for small snacks!.

We have just moved him out of our room and in the study but we need to put him in a room with her brother asap as my husband works from home and needs the room to work in. I am worried that if I put him in with his brother he will wake him u as he wakes up about 7 times a night ! He is now 3 and sleeps well so I don't want to mess his sleep up.

I have tried a bottle and he wont take it but messes around with it then tries to feed from me. I wouldn't mind if he just woke a couple of times a night but 7-8 is just crazy and I am shattered.

Because I struggled with breast feeding giving up totally seems hard.

I really don't want to do controlled crying and wondered i anyone had any magical ideas!?

Any advice welcomed !! x x x

[Pickle]

My initial thought is that you need to get daytime food sorted out. My daughter is also 13 months and breastfed. She has three solid meals a day (porridge or similar for breakfast, lunch typically protein/carbs with fruit, dinner the same as what we eat, followed by yogurt and fruit). I breastfeed her before breakfast, after her lunchtime sleep (really just a snack, I'm planning to stop this one soon) and at bedtime.

She will have a mid morning snack of fruit, rice cakes etc as well as the things I've listed above. When she goes to bed at night I feel 100% confident that she has had enough food and drink during the day, so in the unlikely event that she wakes it is something else bothering her.

[caz6868]

i totally agree with pickle...as you know breat milk after 6months is only a drink .so more grub ..i know its hard as they know you booby is on hand..your doing very well as i am only getting some sleep now and my son is 1yrs old..never breastfed..but he always is unsettled and on't want to leave him crying to disturb the whole house..try to get some rest as you will run your reserves low..good luck caz

[Cora]

My experience is that if your older one is already sleeping well it is unlikely having his brother in the same room, even waking and crying and low lights going on etc, will wake him up.

Mine have always shared and although at first you tip-toe around, one bad night where it all goes wrong and you realise the other ones just sleeps through it!

That at least might get the study room back in action...

[kamath]

Thank you very much all . trying to fed her up more in the daytime. She is not a great eater though so quite tricky. x

[GinaG3]

You sound like me. I breastfed my daughter for 2 years, the whole time she breastfed as if she was a newborn and never dropped feeds. I was woken constantly during the night until 21 months, she used to snack a bit but not eat meals due to too much breast milk. It was a nightmare! I sympathise completely. I didn't have another child to care for as she was my first but I was only 18 and struggled in other ways. Whilst I REALLY loved the experience it drained every bit of myself out of me. Now she is 4 I wouldn't change the experience for the world, I even miss it immensely, its a funny old world.

Anyway.. With daytime solids I used to distract a bit around mealtimes or times I wanted her to eat. Try changing your tops at these times to a polo neck (sounds strange but its like a closed door). I would give her a snack, maybe in a really fun way like a face of raisins as eyes, cucumber smile, grated cheese hair etc. Really, silly as possible. In the highchair? Then you do something like washing right in front of her, so she can see you are busy, do some singing as your doing it.. If she gets in with it, try to ignore it, but give praise at the end and feed her AFTER not before.

With the nighttime feeds I must admit I did nothing much, my daughter was extremely violent in the night, during feeds and in her sleep. We co-slept until 21 months when I couldn't handle it anymore and would be so stressed I'd cry myself to sleep. I moved her first next to us in her own cot then into her own bedroom, she woke a few times a night whilst she continued to breastfeed but when she decided to stop on her 2nd birthday she slept through for around 6 months, since that she has snuck in and out of our bed. Getting her solid intake up during the day will help her to settle better at night, although its not a guarantee it SHOULD bring her waking down to possibly only 3 times a night.. They may then become much more manageable dream feeds, we used to both practically stay asleep for these.

Wish you the best of luck, but honestly it will get better it just may take some time. X

[childsleepsolutions]

That sounds really tough! You must be exhausted. You don't need to do controlled crying, there are far gentler ways that will work and get him sleeping though just as well. Certainly try to encourage him to eat well in the day but it may be hard until he feeds less at night.

Try to gradually reduce your intervention at night and settle him at times without feeding him, even if it takes a while, though you shouldn't need to stop breastfeeding completely if you don't feel ready to. As long as you are gradually withdrawing your input you are working towards self-settling.

www.childsleepsolutions.co.uk

[Mens]

I was stuck feeding my second for 27 months and in the end stopped completely without ever managing to stop the night feeds.

I have a 19 month old now and we are on our second week of daytime only feeds (after 19mths of ALL night feeding). It might be easier when they understand you abit more but I told her and made clear to her there would be no more night feeds. She was fine the first night then the tantrums started but I kept telling myself that they were just that and after a tantrum filled night she again accepted that she could feed only during "wakey wakey time".

She does sometimes wake up and ask for a hug and although I don't like getting up, a hug isn't draining at all!

I think YOU need to get it clear in your own mind that you won't feed during the night and then follow it through. What helped me was the realisation that we hadn't been to the park for ages and I was ratty all the time, I knew that I could once again be a "fun mum" if only I had a teeny bit of energy.... I actually ran down the road with my other two today, no more achey bones or drained feeling (a feeling you only notice was there once you stop feeding!).

In my experience siblings never wake up when the other cries.... maybe lack of sympathy as they know what it's about, lol.

As breastfeeding mums it's easy to feel helpless but in reality we are the ones teaching our babies how to behave and what boundaries ther should be. Mine don't love me any less when they can't yank my top down and shout out "booby" in the street or munch away happily all night. All of us would love to have our favourite, most wonderful ever treat whenever we wanted it (Champagne for me!), but we don't mind that much when we can't have it ON DEMAND, and neither do our bubbas.

[Smiler]

I did night-weaning, during a week of work, with help from mr smiler, using dr jay gordon's method (can find it online) 5 nights of horrible crying ( we cuddled her, gave water in a sippy cup etc and continued co-sleeping), but then carried on breast-feeding in the day until she was over two. Still not an amazing sleeper but at least it solved the feeding issue!

[Smiler]

Oh, and sympathies, know how exhausting it all is.

[Stay@homedad]

We had such a similar situation. It was a nightmare for my wife and not good for our marriage! Call Nicola at Child Sleep Solutions, it was a life/marriage/child saver for us! It wasn't necessarily easy but it nowhere near as hard as we thought and now we are all getting a full night's sleep every night. Worth every penny in my opinion. Her website is www.childsleepsolutions.co.uk Good luck!

[canela]

can your partner help? it's very difficult for kids to accept that mum is there but no boob when they have been used to it on tap. we weaned our first to a night-time bottle. it took 3 nights of me resolutely not going in to his bedroom, and my partner offering him the bottle. when he was hungry he took it, but to be honest he ended up not waking up nearly so much in the night, i.e. just a big bottle before he went to sleep and then an early morning one. we used to have it ready and waiting so could just pass it over.

i breastfed both until 3 years, so i completely understand the desire to keep going. i also know that if you do extended breastfeeding there will be times when it drains you and pushes you to the limit. only you can know where your limit is, and when you need for the sake of sanity, health, tiredness etc to stop. if you do stop, congratulate yourself on what you have achieved. all situations are different and there is no magic length of time.

on solids, i found that both mine responded well to lots of dairy. if they are used to having loads of milk, then perhaps changing to something similar is easier than suddenly going for meat and veg. mine went for yoghurt, cottage cheese, fruit smoothies etc. when you find something he loves, just offer it all the time.

[carine]

The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley