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Talking rabbit goes into a bar and orders a drink and asks about food. We have cheese toaties, ham toasties, and ham and cheese toasties. Lovely replies the rabbit. I'll have a cheese toatie.


Next day the rabbit goes in and orders a ham toastie.


And the day after a ham and cheese toastie.


A few weeks later, the rabbit has not returned. Anyone know what happened to that talking rabbit asks the barman/lady? A local replies that sadly the rabbit has died.


Oh that's a shame says the barman, of what?


"Mixin m' toasties"


Worth a long build up and practicing the punchline

Five surgeons are discussing what type of person makes the best patient to operate on.

The first surgeon, from Belfast City Hospital, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second, from Antrim Area Hospital, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is co lour coded."

The third surgeon, from Royal Belfast Hospital , says, "No, I really think librarians are the best! Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon, from Musgrave Park Hospital "You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, from Ulster Hospital, Dundonald , shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Tory Politicians are the easiest to operate on.

There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine... Plus, the head and the arse are interchangeable.’

A Farmer went out in the snow one morning, to tend to his cows and found them all frozen.

A woman was passing by

she breathed on them and each one defrosted.

The farmer said to her, “Are you an Angel sent from heaven?”


“No”, said the woman,

“I’m Thora Hird!”

A. Bear and a rabbit side by side in the forest, doing a number 2 . bear turns to the rabbit and saids when your done does the number 2 stick to your fur.rabbit saids no.so the bear picked the rabbit up and wiped his arse with him . Edited by teddyboy23

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    • It’s 3 AM - Anyone know when this horrendous noise is going to stop?! We’re on the Sainsbury’s Local end of Landells and am quite frankly sympathising with all of you nearer Peckham Rye. My ears are ringing! How is this ok?! 
    • https://chng.it/YXCH5XXVMY We live near and it’s absolute hell. The noise of the people coming and going from Peckham is the worse. They are so loud and obnoxious. This is my 5th year of this nonsense. People vomiting in my front garden, urinating in my neighbour’s gardens, throwing food into my garden. Screaming waking up my children while waiting for their Ubers. The people that organise this festival are 100% obnoxious. They told us there would be security along our road (there wasn’t). I asked them to put up my family in a hotel but they wouldn’t. It’s actually a human rights infraction for all of us this badly affected. Over the years I have spent so much money trying to be away this weekend but none of us should have to. The data also shows that most people coming are not local residents - so of 3000 tickets sold, hardly any to residents; it’s easy to argue that it disadvantages us residents way more than any conceivable benefit. My elderly neighbours are besides themselves. Every year the setup and striking of the festival blocks off the park during half term, plus the antisocial behaviour and loud noises mean actual children that live here are prevented from using the park and playgrounds. The police initially rejected the license last year… then suddenly changed their mind with no apparent reason… seems legit. Also the GALA team lie and make false statements in their advertising about consulting with us (they don’t they just tell us what is going to happen then are extremely obstinate and rude). My neighbour runs Friends of Peckham Rye and has been totally distressed by all the damage done to recent planting initiatives funded by the local community. GALA do not repair this, GALA pay off Southwark and then Southwark refuse to confirm what they are paid, or how much (if anything) is spent to repair the park.   This needs to be stopped once and for all!!   Petition asking Southwark to stop providing the license to GALA once and for all.    I mean I am sure they will listen to us just like they did about the LTNs…   https://chng.it/YXCH5XXVMY
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