tedfudge Posted December 6, 2022 Author Share Posted December 6, 2022 I went to see my doctor yesterday and he told me I need to stop masturbating I asked him why ? And he said because I'm trying to examine you Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1604938 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartacus Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 My wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with tennis - and I'm too old. I said: "I'm only 40 love." Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1605164 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Planetsally Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 What’s the best toy for a clingy kid?Lego Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1605209 Share on other sites More sharing options...
malumbu Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 Talking rabbit goes into a bar and orders a drink and asks about food. We have cheese toaties, ham toasties, and ham and cheese toasties. Lovely replies the rabbit. I'll have a cheese toatie.Next day the rabbit goes in and orders a ham toastie.And the day after a ham and cheese toastie.A few weeks later, the rabbit has not returned. Anyone know what happened to that talking rabbit asks the barman/lady? A local replies that sadly the rabbit has died.Oh that's a shame says the barman, of what?"Mixin m' toasties"Worth a long build up and practicing the punchline Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1605254 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartacus Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 Brrrrr it’s cold !! 🥶This morning a skeletal hooded figure helped me scrape my car windscreen. It was only later I realised I'd been de-icing with death... Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1605268 Share on other sites More sharing options...
teddyboy23 Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 6 dwarfs in bed feeling happy so happy got out . Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1605271 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartacus Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 What's Snow Whites favourite drink? Seven up ! Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1605281 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartacus Posted December 9, 2022 Share Posted December 9, 2022 Just received my Secret Santa gift; a pair of mittens.I’ve got an idea who bought them for me but I’m not going to point any fingers… Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1605408 Share on other sites More sharing options...
tedfudge Posted December 9, 2022 Author Share Posted December 9, 2022 Why don’t we see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it. Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1605412 Share on other sites More sharing options...
tedfudge Posted December 9, 2022 Author Share Posted December 9, 2022 To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1605418 Share on other sites More sharing options...
tedfudge Posted December 9, 2022 Author Share Posted December 9, 2022 Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1605419 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan Medic Posted December 10, 2022 Share Posted December 10, 2022 Five surgeons are discussing what type of person makes the best patient to operate on.The first surgeon, from Belfast City Hospital, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."The second, from Antrim Area Hospital, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is co lour coded."The third surgeon, from Royal Belfast Hospital , says, "No, I really think librarians are the best! Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."The fourth surgeon, from Musgrave Park Hospital "You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'But the fifth surgeon, from Ulster Hospital, Dundonald , shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Tory Politicians are the easiest to operate on.There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine... Plus, the head and the arse are interchangeable.’ Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1605554 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartacus Posted December 10, 2022 Share Posted December 10, 2022 I gave my son six pieces of cardboard last Christmas.He asked ‘What’s this?’ I replied ‘It’s an ex box...’ Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1605644 Share on other sites More sharing options...
niall Posted December 12, 2022 Share Posted December 12, 2022 i bought a dog from a locksmith down the pub,...as soon as i got him home he made a bolt for the door. Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1605817 Share on other sites More sharing options...
teddyboy23 Posted December 12, 2022 Share Posted December 12, 2022 What's the difference between a snowman and a snow woman. Snowballs Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1605888 Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpringTime Posted December 12, 2022 Share Posted December 12, 2022 Haha! Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1605908 Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpringTime Posted December 12, 2022 Share Posted December 12, 2022 What's a bounty hunter's favourite cheese?Boba feta Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1605909 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartacus Posted December 13, 2022 Share Posted December 13, 2022 A Farmer went out in the snow one morning, to tend to his cows and found them all frozen. A woman was passing byshe breathed on them and each one defrosted. The farmer said to her, “Are you an Angel sent from heaven?”“No”, said the woman,“I’m Thora Hird!” Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1605962 Share on other sites More sharing options...
zenoria65 Posted December 13, 2022 Share Posted December 13, 2022 What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt.... Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1605968 Share on other sites More sharing options...
zenoria65 Posted December 13, 2022 Share Posted December 13, 2022 Two goldfish in a tank, one turns to the other and says "do you know how to drive this thing?" Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1605969 Share on other sites More sharing options...
teddyboy23 Posted December 13, 2022 Share Posted December 13, 2022 (edited) A. Bear and a rabbit side by side in the forest, doing a number 2 . bear turns to the rabbit and saids when your done does the number 2 stick to your fur.rabbit saids no.so the bear picked the rabbit up and wiped his arse with him . Edited December 13, 2022 by teddyboy23 Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1606012 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartacus Posted December 13, 2022 Share Posted December 13, 2022 My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.I always have trouble….with emotional attachments! Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1606015 Share on other sites More sharing options...
teddyboy23 Posted December 13, 2022 Share Posted December 13, 2022 Just watched the Scottish film version ,of silence of the lambs. Its called shut up ewes . Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1606017 Share on other sites More sharing options...
tedfudge Posted December 14, 2022 Author Share Posted December 14, 2022 Keep them coming people I'm having a good laugh at these Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1606037 Share on other sites More sharing options...
teddyboy23 Posted December 14, 2022 Share Posted December 14, 2022 Me and my girlfriend had a really good relationship, until we bought a waterbed, a few weeks ago.now we've just sort of drifted apart Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/318594-jokes/page/3/#findComment-1606050 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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