Growing up so fast

[bobby's bear]

On the eve of my second's first birthday I am feeling all sad and nostalgic about how fast time is rushing past and how quickly my babies have got big.

My eldest is almost 3 and she seems so grown up already! I love the baby / toddler stage despite its challenges, all the innocence, giggles, dribbly kisses and squashy cuddles, and from a very selfish point of view I love being so utterly depended on (most of the time)

I am terrified of having teenage daughters and having to make hard decisions around giving them freedom vs. keeping them safe and how to ensure they don't have sex with the first boy that smiles at them! When I think about the mixture of contempt and embarrassment I felt about my mother it makes me feel really sad that it is inevitable at some point that they will hate me!

So is the solution to keep on having babies!?

[midivydale]

Aw, i dont have the answer but I understand how you feel.

I watched my little boy in the playground yesterday so eager to play with the "big boys" and keen to show me some independance. It really pulled on my heartstrings.

I wish there was a pause button right i could press.

[Saffron]

If we can learn by the mistakes we feel that our parents made, and help our children to understand how to learn from our own mistakes together, then maybe each generation can move a little further forward.

My own mother was/is (she's mellowed some with age, hers and mine) a rather judgemental person. It meant that when I was younger, I automatically hid anything from her that I thought she wouldn't agree with.

This is something I would strive to change for myself, and hope not have this problem so much with my own daughter. Children need the freedom to make mistakes, and to make their own choices without undue judgment. They need help in understanding how to make "good" decisions in all circumstances, not just the decisions that we as parent might think are "good for them".

I don't think it's inevitable that they will hate you, unless you make yourself a figure of hate. Your ideals and opinions will differ. There will be strong feelings on both sides. Teaching your children constructively how to handle disagreement and also yourself being willing to accept compromises must surely go a long way to raising a happy loving family?

(Sorry can't offer any advice about the "embarrassment" bit. My dad still embarrasses me, though I appreciate that others find him exceeding funny. Groan!)

[Otta]

My wife feels this way about our girls. Personally I absolutely adore them, but can't wait for them to get more independent.

[bluesuperted]

Hey BB, nice to see you in the park today!

Here's the link I mentioned:

http://stillparenting.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/they-dont-remember.html?m=1

It's lovely. I particularly like the bits about 'loving them before they know themselves' and reframing our role in later years as helping them to write their own stories.

But as I said, regularly struggle with this too, and do wonder if more babies is the route I'll take!!

[Otta]

But more babies will also grow up. (I know you know this) I've never understood why anyone would bring another life in the world just to have a cuddly baby for a few months.

I've had this discussion with the wife! ;-)

[bobby's bear]

That's lovely BST though tear inducing!

My sister in law assures me that every stage is 'the best' but all I see when I look at my niece and nephew is big teeth and greasy hair!

[bluesuperted]

Well I'm keen on all ages I've experienced so far (eldest 3 next week) and am excited about the future ages too.. But 3/4 kids my max despite this! I do love the baby stage and know many aren't as keen - wonder if those with bigger families prefer the early years/months rather than wanting them over quicker. I am writing this while my not-yet 5 month old crawls around the lounge picking up and disregarding various toddler toys.... She's growing up far too quickly for my liking.

[crystal7]

I feel like this all the time! My youngest is 2 in October and I get this *feeling* whenever I see a really small baby. Like BST I love the baby stage but I am aware it lasts about 5 minutes so not really a good enough reason to have another baby, who will of course grow up.. Otta my OH has said similar to me!

Watching old videos of them both in babyhood moves me to tears!

[Pickle]

Babies are like kittens, they grow up into big smelly creatures ;)

I was very much like that when number 2 started getting independent and was due to start school nursery (and hubby too), so we decided to have a 3rd. At 18.5 months she is still very dependent as can't walk yet, which is partly lovely and partly annoying! As we have older kids I see every day just how cool it is to watch them grow up and discover things, and I can't wait for our little one to be part of their world.

I still look at little babies and think they're cute, but no longer feel like I'd like to have one of my own. Well and truly stopping at 3 :)

[bobby's bear]

That's good to know Pickle, maybe I have one more baby in me then!

[Polly D]

With our first (now 4.5) I always looked forward to the next stage, found the early weeks & months very hard (and, whispers, a bit boring). Meanwhile, my husband would get nostalgic about each phase before it was even over.

With our second (9 months) I now understand the 'wanting to press the pause button' thing. Guess it's because he'll be our last.

Felt slightly broody for about 5 mins a few weeks ago when my cousin and his wife had the most beautiful baby but I know that the pics of a cute baby paint one picture, the bags and wrinkles plus arguments at 3am about how to get the newborn to settle paint another.

[Otta]

Exactly.

I've loved seeing every second of my girls growing and developing. But little kids are hard work, and I don't want to go back to step 1.

I am a man though so maybe not the same (although we love our kids just as much as you women).

[Belle]

It's funny, I'm more with you Otta (and I'm a woman!). I have never been sentimental about the kids' younger days much, maybe the pics of them as newborns because they were SO tiny, but other than that, as I've documented often here, I did not enjoy the baby days much at all first time round, and second time round terrible reflux put paid to my dreams of a babymoon second time lucky. I do try not to wish the time away, but I too don't think I could go back to step 1 and find myself looking forward to the next year or so in both children's cases, imagining (rightly or wrongly) that life may get slightly easier then. I do have that slightly irrational broodiness which perhaps is a female (biological?) trait but mostly I just think about how hard it was/is when they can't communicate, run off the whole time, scream all night, never sleep...I'm not overwhelmed with nostalgia!

[vesti]

.

[EmilyPie]

I'm also with otta. Mine are 2 and 3 weeks and I definitely enjoy it more as they get older. With my 2 year old I delight in the person he is becoming. I love the fact that we can have conversations, share jokes, that he sleeps through the night (god it took long enough!). I enjoy watching his personality develop as each day passes. Of course the 3 weeker is lovely, and is nestled in the crook of my arm as I type having a sleepy feed, but I find him a bit unfathomable, more like having a small animal than a little person. I am looking forward to watching himm grow and reveal some of the mysteries of who he is. And to getting a bit more sleep and not being permanently covered in puke! Maybe I'll feel differently once the little one is older but I don't think so.

[canela]

the best bit of advice i ever had was someone telling me when my eldest was born to enjoy it "as they really don't stay that little for long". i never really minded that much about broken sleep and running round after 2 little ones all day as I just had this feeling that these were golden days and I wanted to squeeze every last drop out of them. (probably helped that i didn't have to go to work and lived in a warm country near the beach...). now life is different, both at school or pre-school, and I'm so glad I have those beautiful memories. but am equally happy when I meet up with friends for pub lunch whose kids are still really little, and I suddenly realise I can sit there with a glass of wine and hardly think about the kids all day as they just go off and play in the garden - whereas my friends are still running round trying to hold a conversation whilst change a nappy, feed, play toy cars etc. it's fun when you're in the moment - but then you look back and wonder how you had the energy!

[JDR]

I have three, very close ages. The adages given are true, the ages your children are, are the best. My littlest, now 5, will always be my baby as she and I know she is the last. So whilst being a big girl she now can wait longer before needing breakfast, is fully toilet trained, no buggy, yet still wants cuddles both during the day and most importantly in our house the am cuddle - she send me back to bed if she's not had a cuddle in bed first :-)

Certainly appreciate each moment but don't refract it's passing. There are definite pluses and minuses to every age. Enjoy x