Raising 'high energy' children

[sbain]

Hi Uptime, How about the horniman museum? Not exactly a softplay but there is the gardens (including the sound garden) and the park across the road if the weather is good and you cal head into the museum if the weather is not so good. My "high energy" 3 year old likes it (not as much as soft play) but he likes it.

Another option for good weather is Dulwich woods - although given that when he was younger my high energy child liked to run off so I often found the woods a bit scary!

[Knomester]

It is, as others have said, comforting to know we're not alone!

We haven't lost our almost 3yo yet, but not through lack of him trying. If there's an exit he will find it. I remember when he was a baby looking longingly at a group of babies say / lay happily on a blanket as mine commando crawled to the door, time and time again. We gave up on any form of organised activity at around 6 months. Even now if we walk in somewhere and there's a group of children sat down doing something in unison my toddler does an immediate about turn and races back out of the door!

We are the ones in the park come rain, snow or thunderstorm... (probably with the rest of you?!)

With the energy we have a particularly vivid imagination. If something isn't to hand or doesn't exist he won't let that stand in his way. Reports from home this morning are that he has been doing imaginary pole vault in the dining room. Love that though. Love his imaginary fox too.

I certainly don't have the energy to keep up, but I do find that I can engage him for short periods in less frenetic activities so long as I'm organised and keep things moving - he loves baking with us both and has been making pizza dough this morning with Daddy. He can also immerse himself in digging up the back garden with toy diggers and shovels for longer periods now too.

Second sbain's suggestion for the woods - we love it there. Lots of freedom and loads to look at. We've not had a meet up there for a while bluesuperted!

(Mellors - I have a sneaky feeling I was in the PR picnic area the day one of yours escaped. I really felt for you.)

[Strawbs]

Knomester Wrote:

>

> We are the ones in the park come rain, snow or

> thunderstorm... (probably with the rest of you?!)

HAHA OMG YES!

>

> > Reports from home this morning are that he has

> been doing imaginary pole vault in the dining

> room.

LMAO - THIS MADE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD WHEN I JUST READ THIS. TOO FUNNY!!

[womanofdulwich]

the upside is that you will never turn into a coach potato- and they will keep you fit- you may end up running just so you can wear them out! :)

[Belle]

totally right about finding something focused Knomester - when I can face it, my older son loves to bake with me, and loves to garden with his dad. Also loves arty/crafty things. The trouble is am often so knackered by the two of them I get into a vicious circle of not having the energy to plan an activity like this, but then of course things get worse as they get wilder. Am intrigued by the Woods but also scared of one of them running off, yes. And yes, we've gone out a lot in all weathers but am also a bit sick of the parks at the moment, because of the youngest really, so we're spending lots of time in soft play places.

AGree it's not just a boy thing, have def met girls who are the same!

uptime, what about little rascals? It's amazing. It's Bellingham which is about 15/20mins drive or you can get a train there from Peckham Rye. It's about ?4 to get in but so worth it. mUch bigger than Peckham. Annoyingly cafe is closed though. Might be a good halfway option between Peckham/Gambados?

Or what about Brockwell Park for a change of park - great playground there now. I really want to go but it's a bit of a hassle with the 2 - waiting till term starts.

Also loved the pole vaulting and fox! Now I think of it my eldest does have crazy ideas and thoughts, which explains the nightmares. Life is never ever dull, that's for sure. Totally empathise about post 6 months having to give up on a lot of the standard baby meet ups and then ditto the toddler groups. I quit tumble tots after my son kept being told off for not sitting down at circle time and going anti clockwise instead of clockwise. He wasn't even 2 ffs! Have skipped this second time around as no NCT group, no time to try to go to groups etc - prob for the best!

[espelli]

I have been reading this thread with interest. My 20 month old is also on the go all the time and we spend a lot of time at the park so that he can run around. I haven't met your children and I apologise if I am misunderstanding things but reading the posts here has made me wonder whether our expectations are maybe the thing that needs a subtle shift?

There was an article on the BBC news site the other day about how 50% of children need to be more active at the age of 7 and that, combined by the number of people posting here about their children's energy levels and exploits makes me wonder whether your children have got it right and its the culture of classes for very small children that expects them to sit still and listen and follow complex rules that needs questioning? They will get plenty of that when thay are at school and aren't able to roam around the park exploring for much of the day. Some children will enjoy different group activities at a young age, but others are too busy exploring their world to be constrained by someone else's rules.

I would try the woods - I have taken children who were school age and who had a certain level of wild behaviour (including some with diagnoses of ADHD and ASD - although I am not suggesting that any of your children would have) and whether it is the all encompassing nature of the woods or that the sounds are different or the fact that there is so much to see and focus on (but it is all fairly close as your field of vision is limited by the trees) and it is all open ended and available to any imagination it can have a profoundly calming effect on many children. The woods - in the same way as the parks - are available to each child to interact with at their own pace and interest level.

[Strawbs]

Putting aside the slightly condescending tone of some of your post, I do not believe my expectations of my son need to be reviewed or altered. As you say you have not met my son. Whilst he is not a crazy animal that literally runs around 24x7 he is in comparison to his peers more energetic than most. My expectations of him are very relaxed as he is only 22m old so really I have none but it would be nice if like a lot of his friends he would sit and focus on an activity for 5 minutes, sit for 5 minutes in a park so we could consider sitting down as a family and having a picnic, not feeling the need at roughly 4.45-5am daily to be running up and down the halls constantly.

As much as I appreciate your view that yes there is plenty of time for them to be quiet and still at school I think in order to maintain your sanity that you need a balance between the hyperactivity and the quiet and I am yet to achieve that with my son.

I saw a post re trips to the woods on here the other day and in fact it has inspired me to take him this weekend.

[Belle]

I sometimes think I expect too much - i change my mind about this all the time. But I do know something: other people's expectations are just as big/if not a bigger problem. People thinking you're being rude when you say you can't go for coffee or that sit down lunch is going to be nigh on impossible. I feel quite antisocial sometimes, saying no so much! But anything that invovles sitting down or e.g. anything longer than 10mins travel in the buggy is really tricky for my youngest. obviously it's lovely to be asked for lunches etc, but it's funny - my mum is always suprised by how often we take or try to take our boys out to restaurants etc. We don't normally do this out of choice - there's the pitstop lunch in the park cafe, which we can just about manage - or the more formal thing which for whatever reason we've not been able to get out of! I'm sure there will be people on here who say they did this as a child but my mum maintains she'd never have attempted it (also thinks it's a waste of money but that's the Scot in her ;) - I wonder if we are mad to even try it.

A couple of years ago, heavily pregnant with my second and with my first aged around 2.5 yrs, I had to go to a family picnic in a big London park. I just knew it was going to be a nightmare, chasing around after him the whole time with just a huge expanse of park and few limits (and a big old bump hindering me at every step). My husband was away, so I specifically invited a family member to stay as an extra helper (even with her help and the help of the other adults, it was hard work - I doubt I sat down for more than 15 minutes in total). Now that I'm older and wiser, I think I'd just say no. It's a fairly short period of time they're like this, if it was for a big birthday or something obviously I'd find a way to do something or make a compromise but I think sometimes it's ok to say actually that's going to be too hard for us this time.

What's the best way to get into the woods?

[Strawbs]

Belle you have nailed my experiences to a tea! Its unreal how alike our children sound.

There is an entrance by the old harvester up the top of the lane but not sure about parking now because I think the old pub carpark is blocked off but I havent been up there since before I had baby strawbs so I cant say with any certainty.x

[espelli]

Strawbs, I'm really sorry if I came across as condescending I really didn't mean to be. I also didn't mean that your expectations of your son needed shifting, I had meant the expectations of the wider public and it was responding to posters here who said they have found it upsetting when others have made comments. I didn't explain myself very well and I should probably have thought twice about posting late at night!

Getting into the woods - there is a gate opposite the Harvester but their car park is closed off now. There is also one on Sydenham Hill (near the roundabout with Kirkdale) opposite Castle Bar nursing home and there is free parking around there. There is also a gate on Crescent Wood Road and there is parking there too. http://www.wildlifetrusts.org/reserves/sydenham-hill-wood-and-coxs-walk

[QueenMab]

Oh I love this discussion! I feel like I'm not going mad after all. Knomeister I completely share your experience of having the child that has to race for the exit in any given location. Even baby yoga seemed to be a nightmare as he wouldn't just lie still on his mat playing with toys like other kids.

Like an idiot I've been taking him to a toddler dance and music class (Diddi Dance) which I find totally exhausting, as he rarely stays still long enough to sit in a circle, join in with sensible activities, he's constantly trying to run out the door, open cupboards, run around wildly. My friend remarked that she was exhausted just watching me. I have to say repeated attendance has resulted in a mild improvement in 'joining in' skills but it still feels bloody infuriating when you compare his behaviour with that of the other kids around him.

My favourite thing is Nature Play on Thursday mornings in the woods, which is brilliant because its unstructured and 'child-led play' so there's no-one trying to get them to join in with group activities. I can't say it is relaxing, he does do lots of racing around, and I tend not to be one of the mums sitting on picnic blankets chatting but I have met a couple of other mums with high energy kids and he can be persuaded to race around with them, so we get to help each other out chasing around with them. We have also been exoerenting with training then to "stop!" when you call them to, with very limited success, but we are hoping a group effort may eventually reap rewards.

[Wanhope]

QueenMab, you could have just described my son -- Who is the most endearing, lovely little thing,but also at times just utterly infuriating! I, too, have stupidly tried to sit through music and movement-type classes or story time sessions with him even when I know I will just spend the majority of the time trying to prevent him running away! Now he's talking, I also have to try to reason with 'can we go now mummy?' after each song has finished! The fact that he even used to try to escape baby sensory classes by crawling when still tiny should really have been a sign for me ... Lately I've felt like all I'm doing at some groups is 'policing' my son's behaviour, which I hate, so have started taking my cues from him a bit more. The activities that currently work well for us are definitely those with a more active slant -- so Gymboree, toddler football etc. Also now very keen to try nature play :)

[Belle]

I'm keen to try but work on Thursdays, and not quite sure how we'd get up there - I'm a v nervous London driver so avoid if we can, but just sold my last sling, so buggy would be a necessity! Think will try the woods one weekend when my husband is around to chauffeur :)

When my first was little, we only found one class that worked for us. Bizarrely, it was sing and sign - he never mastered a single sign but it was more about the music and the teacher (Sabine - don't know if she's still teaching but highly recommend her for those with younger little ones looking for a class with an understanding leader!) just totally 'got' my son, let him roam and never made me feel bad about it. It was the one hour each week when I felt I could just relax and not stress about what he was doing. Makes me feel a bit sad now that with the beneit of hindsight, I can see I was wasting energy trying to get my first to conform, when i should just have looked for ways I could help/let him be himself. I was also lucky though to find a good nursery for him to attend 2 mornings a week when he was 2, where they always just said 'well he's 2, we don't expect him to sit still for long' and importantly I got a break!

Sorry, I seem to be monopolising this thread - I could go on about this topic infinitely!

[QueenMab]

No you're not going on, belle! I have found this thread so helpful in crystallising in my mind that yes certain activities are just not going to work for my son and now I don't feel bad about not doing more of that kind of thing and much less of a failure for not doing so either. I feel I've taken control a lot more just by acknowledging that this is just the kind of child he is and instead trying to think of activities which he will get the most out of. I will definitely check out Gymboree. I think when I looked at it before it seemed quite pricey but I reckon a couple of quality activities each week might be well worth it.

Oh and belle I updated the Nature Play page to say that I took my buggy with me to the woods a few times and just left it at the top of Cox's Walk (if you have a small bike lock type if thing you can chain it to railings), then you can walk from there. Also, have you heard of the London Sling Library? They have slings you can go and try and borrow to find one that suits you.

[Belle]

Saw that post - great idea, will def do that! And yes maybe I should get one of those back carrier things. I wouldn't use it much other than for this kind of thing, hence selling my last one (which technically could still carry my toddler but I just never used it).

[bluesuperted]

Belle - welcome to try my Manduca as a back carry? Or an ergo back carry (mine on loan at mo though but easy to do) would be great. Would def not recommend a framed carrier as they are so uncomfortable but if you can master back carries in a soft structured T might like the high up vantage point? I like the Castle Bar nursing home entrance on Syd Hill as there is a lovely walk down to bridge and it has a natural 'trajectory' that I think toddlers will follow iyswim? I get the bus there now and 176 goes pretty close.

My son crawled off in baby sensory too!! And was planning on taking my daughter in September when my son starts nursery in the afternoons but since she's just over 5 months and been crawling 3+ weeks I don't think there's any point, I think I have another high energy one!

I read your post as you intended it Espelli - totally think society's expectations are out of kilter.... I like that phrase about why do we teach our kids to talk and walk then expect them to sit down and shut up?! I definitely think being child led is key as there is nothing you can do really to persuade a high energy child that sitting and looking is preferable to running and jumping.

This thread is lovely as it shows how much the mums here are loving and accepting of their kids high octane personalities (although finding this challenging all the same). Lots of thoughtful parenting going on as people play to these strengths... My son is full of beans but also full of ideas and affection, it's a brilliant combination. It's also made me a fitter person - I would never have been half as into being outdoors if he hadnt led me that way and I'm very grateful for this new perspective! Can't say I've read a novel in 3 years but have trekked and climbed and carried and swum and camped with him instead. It's definitely shattering but ultimately I couldn't imagine him any other way nor would I want him to be.

Well done to all for simply keeping up!!!

[midivydale]

Anyone else in the park with their high energy offsprings? We are so if anyone else is about, would be lovely to see you! We are in the corner by the boul court( hope that is the English word).

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