Interesting article

[stacker285]

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/jan/19/are-obedient-children-a-good-thing

Very nicely written article imo and has certainly given me pause for thought for my impending arrival

[david_carnell]

That is interesting.

I read the "French children don't throw food" book (well most of it) since that, initially, was exactly the sort of child I quite wanted: one who could sit quietly in a cafe or restaurant; one who would happily play with on their own initiative and who was well behaved in public.

I'm not sure I would have ever used the word obedient, mind you. Nor would I ever resort to corporal punishment to instill that behaviour.

Likewise, as a child, teen and adult I would want my son not to accept the status quo, challenge authority and follow their own minds rather than be swayed by the opinions of others.

Unlike this artile though, I'd don't see those as opposing positions. Mind you, I have no idea how to reconcile them!

[tarafitness]

I disagree with some of this article, but it's quite an interesting read and it did make me think.

This paragraph in particular annoyed me though:

A compliant child becomes a particular concern, Kohn admits, when they reach adolescence. "If they take their orders from other people, that may include people we may not approve of. To put it the other way around: kids who are subject to peer pressure at its worst are kids whose parents taught them to do what they're told.

I think this is untrue, but I only have my own experience to draw from I suppose?

I was fairly strict with my son while he was growing up, friends used to remark on it (but the same friends who'd bribe their children with sweets, and at 17, my son has never had a filling), but also everyone would agree that my son had lovely manners and was a joy to be around as he was always smiling and pleasant.

He did as he was told, but that didn't make him an obedient puppy, and there were times when he rebelled during his teens. The only real teenage rebellion kicked in last year when he turned 16. This was, mercifully, short lived.

My son's secondary school was fairly rough in comparison to the schools we have in East Dulwich (after we moved out of the area he decided that he didn't want to leave the school), but he never adapted his accent to match his peers, or limited his vocabulary in any way. He's never been into fashion labels, never followed the crowd, has very eclectic music tastes, thinks for himself and is very imaginative and confident around adults as well as his own age group.

As he's got older I've given him more freedom and responsibility. But when he was a lot younger I made all the decisions for him (I don't believe in letting young children make decisions as I think it's unfair to put that much pressure on them... they should be allowed to be free from having to make choices and just enjoy being children and letting adults decide where they go, what they eat... etc...).

At home he helps out, he has his own chores (unpacking and repacking dishwasher, cat litter, hoovering up, washing his clothes, collecting the vegetable bag etc...), that doesn't make him 'obedient', he's just playing his part in the family.

I have another child on the way, due in a few months and I'm not sure how I'll be this time round parenting-wise. I suspect I'll be more laid back, but then again I'm really happy with how my son has turned out! As I had my son so young my parenting style was very similar to that of my parents... but with more compassion and a focus on honesty and talking things through. We do a lot of talking. My son and I are we're extremely close - to the point that I have to remind him that I'm his mother and don't need to know *all* the details of the fun he's had with his girlfriend!

Anyway, have rambled on here a bit. I just think that the 'obedient' label in itself a bit insulting, especially in the context of this article. A child doing what its parent tells it to (most of the time) doesn't imply that it lacks imagination or drive, or that it'll go through life thoughtlessly following the herd. Instead it's rather that it recognises there are rules and boundaries in place, most of which are set out for their own protection.

Tara