2 year old suddenly hating nursery

[Undiscovered]

My eldest was 2 in June and has been in nursery since 9 months and always loved it. A few people left recently (although not her key worker whom she's closest to) and she now hates going. She's potty trained but has started having more accidents there (she has none with me and hasn't for months) and as soon as I wake her up she tells me she doesn't want to go.

What makes it harder is I am on mat leave so don't NEED to take her, but kept her in as she loved it so much (and to ease my day!. Now I feel so guilty when I take her. I would love to not make her go, but in back to work in January and then her and her sibling will be in 4 days a week, so I think taking her out for a short period will do more harm than good.

It's only her doing this from what I can see, so I am not blaming nursery by any means, I was wondering if others have been through this at a similar age, and what they did/ how long it lasted? I used to spend "nursery days" enjoying 1 on 1 time with no 2, and now they are just filled with dread about pick up / drop off :0(

[Bellenden Belle]

I haven't had a similar experience - hopefully others will reply that have - but I wonder if she's jealous of the one on one time you spend with no.2? Particularly if she's showing signs of regressing in terms of potty training?

Could you have some one to one time with her at the weekend? Even if it's just for a couple of hours? So she knew that was coming after a week at nursery?

Just a thought.

[Saffron]

How many days a week does she go? Could you drop one day for a few months to spend more time with her on your mat leave?

Maybe the people who left were really close to her, even though not her key worker? How well is she getting to know their replacements? Does she know them each by name? Sounds like she might need to 'settle in' with the new people, similar to how a child settles in at a new nursery. What does her key worker say about it?

xx

[Yak]

We have this with our LO who has always been ridiculously happy and settled. Things that have helped us is talking to the staff to see just how much is "show" at drop off time (answer - a lot), making clear on waking up if it's a nursery day or not, allegorical stories about a baby bear who didn't want to go to nursery and wanted to stay at home eith mummy bear but actually had LOTS of fun at nursery with [insert name of best friend] bear doing drawing /climbing / car playing etc etc. I think it's just an inevitable phase and shows their increasing awareness of you doing your own thing during the day.

[Undiscovered]

Thanks all. Did think about the jealously thing but she really hasn't shown any signs of it at all. Her sis is 7 months and she adores her. I think it is possibly new people around (it's a small nursery and she loved the people who left). She's not a clingy girl, but likes order and rules, and change can throw her. We had a good day today though, after talking to her key worker we have a plan, and she had no accidents today!

The story is a great idea - I will try that.

Everyone keeps saying its a phase - and I am sure it is - why do good phases seem to pass so quickly, and the hard ones seem never ending :0(.

Thanks again to all x

[EmilyPie]

Glad you had a good day and that you have a plan in place. All sounds very positive. Just a thought on the jealousy thing. A couple of people I know with 2 have found that after a great start jealousy has kicked in later as n2 has become more alert/mobile and therefore more able to make their presence felt. Don't know if this is a factor in this case but is something I shall be watching for with trepidation in my 2!

Good luck! Hope this phase passes soon.

[StraferJack]

I wouldn't say my 2 year old suddenly hates nursery but she has become more vocal about saying she doesn't like going in the morning and how she doesn't like x or y (who used to be "best friends")

From the way she tries to explain I get the impression she is just trying to take control of her universe a bit and hasn't fallen out with anyone - she is just building a story with the cast list and locations she knows. I'm not saying she is making everything up, but she does seem to be running with ideas

[Bonfire2010]

Hi - we went through this when my son was about 2 and a half. He suddenly went from having no problem with being left at nursery to being very clingy and teary, but after a (what felt like long) few weeks he went back to being OK again. One of the nursery staff was very good and would make a game out of me going - she would pick my son up and they would 'race' me to a window so that we could wave goodbye, but other than that I wish I could say we did something specific to make it better but we didn't. He still has the occasional wobble but the staff are good at distracting him. At the moment he's going throuygh a phase of not really wanting me to leave him, but then not wanting to leave at the end of the day either!

[emza78]

My DD went through a similar phase aged 2, which was around the same time as a move up to the bigger room at nursery. I think it was partly her age and some separation anxiety, along with the change in rooms. I went in to speak to the nursery about it and we decided that distraction techniques were the best in the morning, so they would always make sure there were some toys out for her to go and play with - Good luck, it all passed in a couple of weeks but I remember it being an emotional time!

[jennyh]

Similar story, my daughter is just over 2.5 and she has increasingly been saying she doesn't like nursery and doesn't want to go. I have put it down to...age (seems to happen to lots around now) moving to a new room and key worker and also some anticipation about new baby coming at the end of the year. I've had real wobbles about it as it does make you much more aware of how little you know about when they're there. I was worried that my girl was finding it hard to interact with the older children in her room as it is a big change, but actually I've seen her playing and she's fine. I spoke to the nursery and they've been pod at reassuring me saying the 'I don't want to go' it just for my benefit and she's happy as anything when I've gone. This has been backed up my other parents who have seen her when I've not been there.

I do think a lot of it is age. We tend to tell her when its a nursery day and explain that she will stay at home on 'this' day and plan out what we will do so she looks forward to it. We make a big fuss about her choosing her nursery clothes and helpin pack her bag, lots of 'oooh X will think that's really pretty' etc. lots of healthy snacks to get her there as she's also hungry which adds to the drop off angst.

I have all this to come as I will be on mat leave soon and I am sure I will feel just as guilty when I'm at home with the baby. I do feel for you, lots of sympathy if no useful advice!

[Undiscovered]

Bless you all, thank you. I am reassured by all your messages. Accidents continue but she's a lot happier (which is the main thing, she's very little!

I think I forget how much is going on in their little hearts and heads, and things change constantly with the little ones.

God how am I going to handle her at 15?? :0)

Thanks x

[Saffron]

I think the fact that you're so concerned over her happiness and wellbeing at such a young age suggests that you will be great with her when she is older! xx