Police sipping lattes every morning in Starbucks in Sainsburys

[Ted Max]

"What's up with you son? Not like the coffee? Get an extra shot in it, they won't charge. Perks of the job, son, perks. Fackin few of them these days. Fack me you joined at a good time - you not having that muffin - get yourself sorted on the fast track yeah?

"Look at that cockend trying to park. Fack me. So I'm getting the suit altered, right, and the lady's measuring me inside leg right, and I'm thinking I've seen her before. Bit of brass, isn't it, used to work out of that place off of Whateley Road? 15 years ago - you were still in short trousers son. Nasty moment that, but I don't think the missus noticed.

"Drink up, and we'll get off shift. Any shouts come in do not show us as dealing, OK? Gloria's expecting a full attendance on parade. Snow Queen she is. Right little Britney.

"Come on son, that coffee won't drink itself. Look at that knob, how is he dicking that?"

[Ted Max]

Shut up, shut up, shut up. It never stops. I see the shoppers come in. See them see us with our radios going off - and why aren't we answering them? See them see us with our half-litre pots of coffee, feet up on the seats. And Rog just going on and on about his stupid wedding and his children: Christelle, Chantelle, whatever. And me sitting here wondering what Chloe's up to. If she's told her work friends yet that I'm a copper. And what they'd make of it. And Rog here just leching on all the mums shopping, like they won't even notice, like he cares if they do notice.

And this is the good bit of the job. Jesus.

[Ted Max]

"So Shereen's got me knob in her hand right, looking at it like it's the microphone at a karaoke night she don't wanna be at. And I'm like

... sorry love, you'll have to park over there, we need the space for the van. Fack me...

"and I'm like, you get what you're given, love, you get what you're given. And she's got a fackin bod-on like you wouldn't believe, cos I'm supposed to be over her mum's helping paint the new extension. Are you married kid? Yeah, you look the type. Well never agree to do DIY for your in-laws if you can't cash that cheque. Sex strike for a month. Like melons they were, by the end of it. I could hardly sit down.

"Remember that bird we brought in on the domestic last week. Definite would, and she was up for it. But I'm a changed man these days. Leave all that malarkey to the kids. Have a crack at that, SonnyBoy, would you? You could put her through college, yeah?

So Shereen, yeah, she's got me on this diet. Told me I was getting fat. You try doing this job these days I told her. It's all sitting round with your thumb up your arse. I've only got to look at a bakery and I put pounds on these days. You got it all coming, kiddo, got it all coming."

[Ted Max]

Look at them sitting around, sipping their Lar-tays that they didn't even know existed until a few years ago. Screwing free drinks out of the staff, who will have to make up the money themselves, because they know we know they're never legal. Scum. And I try to pay for mine and the staff look at me like I'm the sad case.

Chloe's Mum is coming down for the weekend and we've booked Franklins. Chloe's paying. She says she doesn't mind, but I do. And she'll be asking what cases I'm on, if I've got that Mandelson chappie in my sights yet, and have we impeached Blair? And I will have to smile, because I can hardly say, "No, actually, I spent five hours on Friday at the local school discussing a six year old boy who comes in every day smelling of urine and worse, because his mum's never at home and he and his two brothers are being looked after by their 12 year old sister. One of his brothers has reported an uncle who hits them, so I sit in as part of the case panel. In the end, we do nothing, although we will offer support to the mum. The head teacher told me not to worry, that he thought he could work with the mum, who was just over-stretched. But I do worry. And I feel there's nothing I can do even if I wanted to.

No, I could hardly say all that over the Oxtail and Dauphinoise. Oh do shut up Rog, you ignorant, lazy, stick of piss.

[Mikecg]

The Novel comment Keef made on the one question only thread is true. :)-D

[northlondoner]

TM you are a faking genie arse. Are you published? Do tell.

[Mick Mac]

krosfyah Wrote:

------------------------------------------------------

> Seriously, if they are on "break" then great...i

> am not a cop and don't knwo what a police break

> comprises of, but if anyone can illuminate me

> before i head over there tomorrow looking for

> trouble

Krosfyah - go over, but listen carefully first - if you hear the call of "Zebra 3"....."Zebra 3"... on their walkie talkie things going unactioned, then yes you are right, they don't make cops like they used to.

Don't be surprised however if the one with the shaggy black hair jumps up with his Americano and runs out the door, hops over the bonnet and heads into the dark side of peckham, then you will know - our boys never take a break.

If the sandy haired one gets his guitar out and slips a large brandy into his latte, breaks into a chorus of "Lets have a quiet night in...together by the fireside" then you know who they are...get me some autographs.

[Sue]

???? Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> They are practising before they go undercover with

> the latte-sipping middleclass tossers of SE22

xxxx

:)):)):))

[Sue]

louisiana Wrote:

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> There is a quaint old English tradition called the

> tea break. While it has long disappeared from

> swaths of industry and commerce, there are some

> uniformed branches of public life where it hangs

> still by a thread. Think of it as akin to

> encountering morris dancers: admire the costumes,

> sing along to the sound effects, exchange cordial

> greetings and go on your merry way with a spring

> in your step.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

YAY!!!! MORRIS DANCERS!!!!!!

:)-D