House/family rules?

[bee74]

I took my children home today after they completely went hysterical at a friend's house, leaving feeling ashamed and embarrassed.... Thought it might be time to have some rules: do you have some good ones?

I am reluctant to say 'do as your are told' because it seems a bit mean and doesn't leave much room for any creativity and responsibility on their part. Yet, a rule that asks them to do that would be useful...

Thank you

[Mariamadeit]

Perhaps a bit cheesy but we really go with the "we are a team, we need to work together" idea which seems so far to cover most possible situations but mine are 5 and 2 so we will see...

[bee74]

No not cheesy ... I like that. It is going to be the first rule, thank you

[amydown]

It's mortifying when that happens!

I similarly feel uncomfortable about "Do as you are told" and my husband and I are fully committed to never saying that.

We do have two principles we try to stick by (picked up from a book called How To Talk to your Kids):

1. Always explain the reason for you asking them to do something/ not to do something (eg. Stop playing with the glass - it can easily break and could give you a big ouch)

2. Always match punishment to action ANDY explain the link(eg. If you keep throwing your food on the floor, I will have to take your food away because that is wasteful as opposed to if you keep throwing your food on the floor, I will lock your favourite toy away - the latter has no link between action and consequence if that makes sense).

It seems really drawn out at first but with 2 simple-ish rules, we find that it works most of the time.

Wishing you all the best!

[Lmcg46]

Do as you'd like others to do to you and respect each other.

And more obviously perhaps, no hitting, poking, biting, generally being nasty to each other.

We also limited TV as part of our house rules. I was amazed how well my kids took to them (6 & 8).

[bee74]

That's great. Amydown - these are great. We do n 1 naturally but for n 2 don't always link action an consequence! Thank you!

[Curmudgeon]

Parenting styles - what a quagmire, there's no right way no matter how many books you read or guru philosophies you aspire to.

IMO They're small children. They will never do as they're told all the time, which neither makes the concept of "do as you're told" a bad parenting guideline nor one that stifles creativity and independence

As parents our role is to nurture and teach but for me, there is nothing worse for a confused hysterical small child to be hit with a wall of sound that comes with explanations. Easy to understand parameters of behaviour, consequences for negative actions, short sharp no, cuddles.

One of mine responded well to time outs to calm down, another needed to be held whilst she regained equilibrium

You muddle through and they don't break. If you love them and do your best it's good enough 99% of the time.

You took them home when their behaviour was unacceptable - sounds like good parenting to me.

[Monkey]

I have a short term solution and try to brief the daughter beforehand. If we go to friends, I try to anticipate the stupid things she might do: chase the sick cat, jump on the sofa, ask people with white hair if they're about to die... And I say these are not acceptable, I want a good girl etc... I also remind her to say please and thank you (can't believe that she still needs reminding age 5 and a bit but anyhow)...