to insist or not to insist - advice please

[mima08]

Hiya,

My four year old boy has been going to swimming classes since he was three months old and always enjoyed it hugely. However, recently, he's been reluctant to go to the class, and it got so bad that he would start crying in class and be really upset. Of course, I don't want to force him but am wondering what has caused this sudden aversion and what I can do, as I would like him to learn to swim properly. He is not scared of the water, as he loves it when we go swimming on the weekend, he very confident, with no problem of putting his head under water etc. He has been with the same wonderful teacher all this time, loves his class buddies and we tried doing a deal where he only had to do the activities he felt comfortable with - still he cries. So this is the second week we're not going last week he wasn't feeling well, this week he rather takes himself to bed (!) than go. I am conflicted about not wanting to force him to do something that is supposed to be fun but he doesn't enjoy on the one hand but I also don't want him to think he never has to push himself out of his comfort zone - e.g. he won't be able to do this in school... What have others done in this situation? Thoughts, advice, please

[Curmudgeon]

I would not insist

Take him swimming for fun and don't sweat it

[Otta]

What Curmudgeon said.

He may feel that he's not able to keep up with the class and need a slower pace.

[Sol]

Stop for a year or two; he started too early and is probably tired; have a break; he is still very young

[Fuschia]

What else is going on with him? In my experience these sort of things are usually a sort of 'referred pain' for emotional neediness in another area of life.

I would try some love bombing from you and try getting someone else to take him to swimming ... After a break of a couple of weeks (tell him it's shut for holidays)

[Otta]

What on earth is love bombing???

[alice]

definitely stop for a bit - something has changed for him - maybe not to do with swimming directly.

[landsberger]

There could be a simple reason for this - maybe the swimming teacher wants him to do something (like dive off a high board). It might be worth exploring this if he has suddenly changed.

[Fuschia]

Lots of love, Otta!

[Fuschia]

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bloggers/1574459-Love-Bombing-the-solution-to-childrens-emotional-and-behavioural-issues

I wouldn't stop with swimming lessons, because they are very important to me... But I would give the child lots of intense focused one on one time to try to resolve whatever underlying upset or insecurity was causing the refusal

[Saffron]

I also wouldn't stop. This is a really key age for water safety and learning to swim independently. I agree with exploring underlying problems. Also maybe a short (few weeks) break and/or change of class. Explore your options, but don't give up on swimming lessons.

Sol not sure what you mean by starting "too early"? You really can't start too young! Many babies love water and learn tandem or indepedent swimming from the earliest months. xx

[mima08]

hiya, many thanks for the thoughts, and Fuschia - thanks for that link, I had forgotten about this - will definitely give it a try.

I do have a nagging suspicion that he worries about not being "first" in all the activities: he is ridiculously competitive but there are other swimmers who are more advanced. It's in absolutely now way a competitive environment but my son always wants to "win" (not something we encourage at all - in fact, we've always praised effort above results, try to rolemodel that it's not about winning etc.)

I don't really want to give up the swimming as he loves the water so much - had a word with the swimming teacher not to push him, and she is really supportive... any other thoughts are appreciated!

[Fuschia]

It is a very difficult call, as a parent, how best to support them

In this sort of situation ... How best to really listen to them and respond ... So they need to be gently encouraged to continue, or do we need to let them

Self determine and withdraw. It's not easy. Good luck finding your way through.

[scareyt]

Is he due to start reception in Sept? He might be worried about that. I would take a break from swimming lessons for a while, he can always start again in a few months or after he's settled at school. We had the same thing, suddenly our then just 4yo took against his new swimming teacher and wouldn't get in the pool, after all the faffery of getting us there and getting him changed. But the timings and location of that class wouldn't have worked with his school day anyway so we stopped and found different lessons a few months later and he now goes in happily every time.

[Nunheadfamily]

http://www.lovebombing.info

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/sep/22/oliver-james-love-bombing-children

I've heard some positive stuff about love bombing!