Jump to content

Please help


computedshorty

Recommended Posts

BEST blonde joke so far in 2011.......


A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from Blackpool when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to Blackpool ?"


"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck.. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the Blackpool Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you ?100 for your trouble."


"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.


Five hours later, the truck driver was driving along the Sea Front of Blackpool when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blond. What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you ?100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."


"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde," but we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is my favourite:


A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.


In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair...given that you are blind...that you should know five things:


1. The bartender is a blonde girl.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 220 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.


Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"


The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares...


"Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Latest Discussions

    • Anyone have any amount going over the next 4 weeks? thank tou
    • Please understand that I am not doubting the word of anyone who has posted here with problems with bought-in prepared meat, but (I am old) uncooked meat (perfectly 'good' meat) does smell often, we are too used to shrink wrapped and chilled supermarket meat which can be almost scent free - so we are surprised when 'butcher's' meat does smell (and often, if it is uncooked, quite strongly). Indeed game which is high can smell quite strongly, and not in a good way to our 21st C sensibilities, without being off - as in food poisoning off. Certainly prepared meat, when cooked, should smell enticing, and not at all bad - so the experiences quoted above are certainly very worrying - but younger people reading this should not be concerned, particularly, if fresh (raw) meat they have bought from e.g. a proper butchers has a smell to it. Which is not to say that something which smells rank shouldn't be a point of complaint. Even the smell of high-ish game, if left unwrapped, should dissipate once unwrapped. If it increases however it may be  cause for concern. But raw beef or lamb in the joint can often smell of something which isn't necessarily particularly nice, without it being worrying. It will tend to cook with more flavour.
    • Thanks tedfudge, great news, well done!!! 🦆😊
    • Just an update  The ducklings were picked up by a lady from an animal sanctuary Sussex,  hopefully they have a good life ahead of them
Home
Events
Sign In

Sign In



Or sign in with one of these services

Search
×
    Search In
×
×
  • Create New...