David Peckham

I think we're incredibly lucky around here for cheese. They all do a slightly different job. It's even possible to knock up a serviceable French cheese board from the Tesco on East Dulwich Road if you're surprised by unexpected supper guests - they do Brie & Camembert, Compte & Gruyere, Saint Agur & Roquefort, and chevre. So your whole soft/hard/blue/goat deal is sorted. A couple of part-baked baguettes, a bunch of grapes, some celery and a handful of walnuts; nobody would ever suspect that you'd forgotten that you'd invited them round after a couple of drinks. Below that, the Pilgrim's Choice/Cathedral City thing depends on what's on offer at Morrisons, but they're perfectly fine for cooking with. The extra mature versions are great in a rarebit sauce and that freezes well in ice cubes trays. Perfect for a post-pub snack, or for unexpected supper guests that you'd forgotten you'd invited round after a couple of drinks. For Lordship Lane, my very rough rule of thumb is: If you want to know the region of the cheese, Marks & Sparks is fine. If you want to know the breed of cow that produced the cheese, Cheese Block is the place If you want to know the name of the actual cow (Daisy, Buttercup, Ermintrude, etc), then I'd recommend Mons. It's not foolproof, but it's always sort of worked out for me. Apart from when I invite people round after a couple of drinks.

Sounds, and looks, more like an errant and indulged teenage son who backpacked through south east Asia and visited Jim Thompson's house. Probably came home with dreads, piercings and a Thai script tattoo that he was told represented 'One Love', but actually spells out 'I Am A Massive Farang Twat'. The latter is quite a common thing. They really should have added 'Fuckwittery is Ollie's House'. 'Ollie is a fuckwit' If anyone wants decent south east Asian food, please try Chern on Grove Vale. Pau has worked really hard to make that place work, it's genuinely good, and she is lovely. Grab some wine, beer or pre-mixed cocktails from a local shop (I'm not sure what she's doing with corkage at the moment, but I'm sure she'll sort you out) and a cake from somewhere and have your own fusion night.

Cluck'ed describe themselves as 'French Style Rotisserie Chicken'. It's the stuff you see at French markets, often attached to the side of a beaten up Renault Trafic van or in a caravan. I've tried to add a photo, but can't. Sorry Sue, my point about the potatoes was that the whole thing works as a system. The chicken fat drips down from row to row, basting the chickens below, then down the bottom to cook the potatoes. The crispy bits on the bottom are used to make the gravy. Ingenious really. And very tasty. Nothing gets wasted. Apart from a lot of chickens. Cluck'ed, my comment about the French is based on a real experience of a French exchange trip in the 80s. A classmate tried to tell their host family, in their best Longman's Audio-Visual French, that they didn't eat meat. They were served chicken every night for dinner, whilst the family ate beef, lamb and pork.

Compared to andouillette sausage, horsemeat, fois gras, steak tartare or tete de veau, the French consider rotisserie chicken perfectly suitable for vegetarians. The potatoes are cooked in the drippings from the chicken, so there's nothing they can really do about that. Rob has always been fine about outside food in The Castle. They may still have an agreement with Yard Sale. Good luck to the operators. It sounds like a great idea - any chance of PMing me the aromatics mix for the brine?

You clearly have a 'Thing' - a 'Shining', if one will. What was your secret move? Arapahoe, Mohawk or Huron? Is there a dance you can do that means that you get to see a result, but can still be recompensed for seeing under 20 overs? Then spend the cash and the rest of the day outside The Prince of Wales in Cleaver Square playing boules, followed by a chicken Madras at the Kennington Tandoori or Gandhi's and the 185 or 36 home? The Algonquin may have something close.

Very economical. Are you available for events? I've got a gathering of 5000 coming up soon. What could you knock up with two little fishes and five loaves of bread? Cod in breadcrumbs? Fish finger sandwiches? Spanish-style croquetas de bacalao with a Romesco sauce? It's BYOB for beer, so there's no need to worry about that and I've managed to do an unbelievable deal on water and wine. Drop me a DM on here or ask for Dave or Jesus (pronounced 'Hay-Zooze') in The Herne, left hand side of the bar.

Would you like a copy of my spreadsheet? It's hours of fun.

Ocado stopped sourcing from Waitrose a few years ago. They now source from M&S and general brands. Waitrose have their own delivery service now. I don't know how well served SE22 is by it. Ocado offers for new customers are, or certainly were, really good, particularly in the run up to Christmas. I think I got 20%/15%/10% up to a maximum of £100 spend off my first three deliveries with no delivery charge or commitment to sign up for further deliveries. There wasn't a time limit, IIRC, so it was a great way of restocking heavy store cupboard basics and stuff for the freezer.

I used to buy a brand of olive oil called 'Il Casolare'. It was unfiltered, often on offer in Sainsbury's and came in a really nice bottle with a stopper. When it was finished, I'd soak the label off, fill it with Morrison's own-brand vermouth and use it for cooking as it lasts longer than keeping wine open. One night there was very little else left to drink, so we got into it - I told people it was a difficult to find artisanal brand I'd brought back from Barcelona and that it should be pronounced 'Vermut'. People loved it. I gave away a couple of bottles as Christmas presents the next year.

They definitely sound less child-like.

They have a convenience chain branded 'Little Waitrose', which puts me off them a bit. I m not sure why. Waitrose is a much smaller chain than any of the others, including M&S, which may explain why they're not here.

Most recent polls for the next election suggest it will be a hung parliament, with Reform the largest party by a fair margin. But that is predicated on Reform finding around 300 candidates who are actually electable. Given the number of Reform council candidates who have had to drop out prior to or after the local elections, does that seem likely? Social media is pretty unforgiving when it comes to finding skeletons in cupboards; a retweet or a like seems enough to scupper political ambitions. A few may defect from other parties, but do you think the electorate would really vote for so many brand new MPs from a newish party? I'm not so sure.

To be fair, anything which waylays someone on their way to Palma Nova or Lloret de Mar from spending even more pre-flight time in Spoon's surely has some merit? I think losing a few quid on a litre of Bacardi and 200 Benson & Hedges Gold seems a reasonable price for society to pay. ,

Well, quite. Do you know where your lad's going tonight?

If anyone is thinking of traveling a bit more and would like to supplement their trip by picking up a few family heirlooms from various ailing maiden aunts of mine, please drop me a private message. I'm particularly interested in anyone who is considering Colombia & Bolivia, The Golden Triangle region of South East Asia, Andalusia & North Africa or Rotterdam. And Liverpool.

Pretty much, Sue, yeah. It's the perennial, knotty problem of imposing a tax and balancing that with the cost of collecting it. The famous one was the dog licence - I think it was 37 1/2 pence when it was abolished, but the revenue didn't' come close to covering the administration costs. As much I'd love to have a Stasi patrolling the South Bank, looking for mullet haircuts, unshaven armpits, overly expressive hand movements and red Kicker shoes, I'm afraid your modern Continental is almost indistinguishable from your modern Londoner. That's Schengen for you. So you couldn't justify it from an ROI point of view, really. This scheme seems a pretty good idea, overall. It's not perfect, but it's cheap to implement and takes some tax burden off Southwark residents. 'The Man' has got wise to this. It's got bad juju now. If you're looking to rinse medium to large amounts of small denomination notes, there are far better ways. Please drop me a direct message if you'd like to discuss this matter further. Kind Regards Dave

I'd support fining any tourist wearing a 'I ❤️ London' t-shirt, 'University of Oxford' sweatshirt or Union Jack bobble hat.

It doesn't work like that. There won't be differential pricing for tourists and residents at any attractions, no checkpoints nor a requirement to carry one's papers with one at all times. A levy is put on hotels, maybe on Air B&Bs, on a bed per night basis. That cash goes to Southwark. It's pretty easy to administer.

I wouldn't feel too bad about that. It's one of the few degree areas that you can do a BA or a BSc in, so it's a fairly wide-ranging and complex subject. Certainly Truss, Kwasi and Reeves seem to struggle with it.

It's also worth noting that heat, direct sunshine and dehydration all exacerbate the effects of alcohol on the human body. So get yourself out there and get truly spangled at a fraction of the cost.

A bit like Levi Bellfield. It's not a good look.

In general, or just the coiffure?

Sean at the bottom of Barry Road is great. Free Lidl lager, BBC6 and a top haircut. He used to be a ladies' hairdresser, so he can use the scissors as well as the clippers. The only barber in the area, since Ken (RIP) closed, that didn't try to make me look like a Lithuanian doorman.

There's a couple on Rye Lane that do two for one etc. I can't remember their names - they're wilfully obscure - but if you walk down and keep your eye out for places that look like someone's put your Nan's furniture in a tropical rainforest clearing, that's the fellas. One's opposite The Nag's, the other opposite John the Unicorn.

I've only just noticed the (above) artist's rendering of the square. It's not very realistic, is it? There appears to be a rather Hitchcockian figure at the far left (maybe the artist themself) along with: The guitarist from Eighties Norwegian pop sensations 'Aha' on a bike. I believe his name is Pal. Mother Theresa heading towards Calton, with her Zimmer frame, on her way to pick up a cheese & ham roll and a rum Baba from Au Ciel. Richard Rowntree in his seminal role as 'Shaft'. Can you dig it? Soon to be national treasure Keeley Hawes with a half scale Liam Gallagher doll. Margot Robbie. A Dutch child abductor. Gretl from 'The Sound of Music'. One of the Terracotta Army. Clare Huxtable from 'The Cosby Show'. A very clearly lost Lake District fell walker. An awful lot of cyclists. Hogarth, Lowry or Peter Blake, this artist is not.