helena handbasket

My parents are not light fitful sleepers, and neither is my son. Out of desperation I worked out a strategy (from books) and really stuck to it, and eventually he became a fabulous sleeper. Took a lot of work and time, but it was like night and day. And so was the change in my poor tired baby's disposition. And mine! Why on earth would you just accept something that is making you miserable without at least making an effort to learn more about it and see what you can to do make it easier? Besides that is the whole spirit of the "family discussion" room. Two years later, I dread to think where we'd be if I just let it run it's course...... I'd probably be dead by now from exhaustion. And he would be called a "light and fitful sleeper". No, thanks.

That Zuma certainly does look awful to clean. We had a Mamas and Papas and I hated it!!!!!!! There were a thousand cracks for food to get stuck. Couldn't wait to see the end of it. At 18 mos I broke down and got the East Coast Multi Height chair, which we love. I thought it looked a bit comfier than the Tripp Trapp (and a bit less ?????). I think most moms who have been there would suggest wood or plastic without all those seat pads and cracks and things. You will be cleaning the bloody thing three times a day every day for years on end. I once saw one called "Bloom" and nearly wept; it was too late for me but sure thought it looked perfect! Maybe do a google search?

It's funny how it swings to the extremes...... close the door and walk away or no crying. After nine months of desperate exhaustion I used a combo of pick-up put down and controlled crying, although with the crying I did three minute intervals. It's not long enough for them to become "insecure and lose their trust in you" as some critics suggest. The repetition can drive you bonkers but it worked. My parents were children of the seventies and didn't let me cry. Instead, they let me lead and consequently I was a terrible sleeper. I never did learn to sleep properly, all throughout school and into adulthood, and I suspect it is at least in part due to the lack of structure in my own early childhood routines. Before my son was born I swore that if I could do one thing for him it would be to give him the gift of sleep! So every time we have a sleep issue I picture him as a seven year old who doesn't get enough sleep, dragging himself through the day. I have spent my whole life wishing my parents had read a few books, got some advice, and just showed me who was the boss! My most cringe-worthy moments in parenting always happened around 4 a:m (after five hours of constant up and down..... I was certain he could hear my head land on the pillow)) when I hit the wall of coping abilities. I swear that's why he throws toys when he's mad. I came to terms with the fact that a bit of crying had to be better than a mother who turned into a raging lunatic every night. We are not built to survive on three hours of sleep every night for nine months.

Good old vaseline?

Cate, wow, flog that dead horse! I thought you took it way beyond "not agreeing with something" and well into aggressive. I'm feeling attacked and defensive. And I don't even have a cat.

One thing to think of when stopping the night feed is to replace it in the day, otherwise you are just making baby very hungry. When my son was about 8 mos and up every couple of hours at night, I sat down and counted his food intake (he was on bottles by that point ) and I realized that he was getting almost half of his total daily calories between 11 pm and 7 am.! Duh! So, obviously I couldn't just stop night feeds altogether, that would be cruel and horrible. The advice I got was to start with the middle night feed (probably around 3 or 4 am) and decrease it by an ounce or two every few nights, but to make sure you replace those ounces in the day. Seems obvious to me now, but I was so exhausted it never occurred to me and no one ever mentioned it! Night waking is a whole other story altogether.... it's all connected. It's incredibly hard and frustrating, I remember it well, but once you crack it everything gets better. Good luck!

We had a basket and a travel cot. It probably depends on how much traveling you think you will be doing. Our son slept in the basket, in the cot, until about six months because it seemed cozier. Also it made settling him to sleep away from home easier because he was in his own bed. Really loved it. That said, if I had to chose I'd say travel cot. The basket will take you to about six months but the cot will get you to two years. We have done loads of travel with our son and the cot has been used dozens of times. Could not have lived without it. Plus it is a safe place to put them for five minutes while in the shower etc.. The bending over part is hard but you can find some that come with an attachment that raises the baby higher. Not sure I would endorse the sofa since my son ended up in A and E after a rolling off ours at three months old. And yes he had pillows etc., and I was two feet away, but he was very strong and physical that young (as we learned the hard way). That was how we learned he could roll! He was fine but I will never get over it!

The one keef has sounds great, wish I had one like that. But if I were to do it over again I would go all out and get a video monitor. My son made so many noises, and once he got moving around he was quite active in his cot. We would sit and look at each other wondering if that was the kind of noise that was normal or fatal. Paranoia always got the best of me so I would go check, and it always seemed to wake him up or wind him up! Also if you have any kind of sleep issues you sometimes need to know that they are okay without going in....... even the sound of the floors creaking outside my son's door would get him going. Now he's almost three and some nights he just won't go to sleep so I'll let him read in bed with a little light on. It would just be nice to see how's he's doing without winding him up by going in. We have the cheapest Fisher Price crap ones. They hum and buzz but you can hear what you need to and no matter how many times we drop them they keep on plugging away!

My parents are baby boomers and I have seen, done, and owned more than they ever will. And I'm nothing special. Put myself through university because my parents didn't have the money, and put off having a family until much later to try get a bit ahead and unload student debt. And we were pretty typical middle class. My friends' parents are the same. Many have had the same sofa and curtains (and towels!) for twenty years. Twenty years! The other day I saw a man in all seriousness try to sell a 1970 model t.v., and you just know that he thought it was perfectly fine. Because that is what the BB's are really like. NOBODY my age will own anything for twenty years. Gen-exers also travel more. None of this saving for years for our "dream" vacation, nope we book last minute and put it on Visa. But the biggest sin of our generation is consumerism. Think of the iphone. Retails for maybe ?350? Maybe more? Brand new two years ago and already it's old and creaky because the new one is even better. The BB generation would never have gone along with this. Look how long vinyl lasted. Until the eighties. Until we (their children) shifted the market to cassette, and then c.d., and then mp3, and then and then and then. People in glass houses.........

Nero you're also quite right!

The problem with the NHS is that those who are rich and /or powerful enough can move on to private care when it all gets a bit too "real". When everyone is in the same system, when the homeless are in the same position as the billionaires and the Prime Minister, you better believe it raises the bar. When an MP is sitting for six hours in A and E with his 82 year old mother like everyone else, things improve. When the people who make these policies and decisions have to live with the result with everyone else it makes things happen. But I would take the NHS over the US system any day. A huge factor that people don't realize is that the largest expense for doctors in the US is malpractice insurance. My uncle is a nuerologist in Florida, and while it is a risky and difficult area of medicine he claims that the bulk of the cost to run his practice is the hundreds of thousands YEARLY spent on this. And he's not even a surgeon. Another huge expense is health insurance for his own staff, because the lucky ones have employer paid insurance. Clearly the only real winners in the whole mess are the insurance companies, who wield tremendous power in Washington. Essential services do not function properly if there is profit to be earned somewhere....... And don't even get me started on education!

As a Canadian I'm watching this unfold with a bit of a chuckle. We have had the U.S. pick apart our healthcare system for years, to the point where most Canadians just shrug and smirk at the knowledge that our system is so spectacularly superior to theirs it's not even worth getting into a debate about it (see previously mentioned Michael Moore movie Sicko). They have the worst system in the western world and everyone knows that except them. Soooooo, I wouldn't get all panties in a knot over it because next week they will move on to comparing their system to Sweden or France and most Americans won't even remember the NHS. If it makes you feel any better, since living here I've had many people suggest that the Canadian system was the same as the U.S. (because after all, as many people have pointed out, aren't they basically the same thing?) I'm no fan of American self-absorption, but mis-information and ignorance about "other" is not really any better on this side of the pond.

Okay, call me stupid all you want be he suggested to not make yourself an obvious target. If the key is on the inside, how is that obvious? Once they have smashed the window to get at the key, aren't they already in your house? I owe JetSetWilly an apology because the he is obviously a locksmith and knows wayyyyy more about locks and keys than I do, but I am still a bit stumped. Clearly I am not from around here. :)

Sorry, did you suggest taking the key out of the door and into the house with you? Did you reallY? And that a key in the door MIGHT be an invitation to enter the house because in your experience thieves are less likely to target the house WITHOUT the key in the door? JetSetWilly...... seriously? Are there people out there who KNOWINGLY leave the key in the door?

Claire is fantastic, I think the best of the the classes we've done. My son gave her a run for her money, he gets pretty wound up and strange at classes for some reason, but Claire was really lovely with him. She also encourages moms to sit back and relax while she does the class, which is a nice change. I would highly recommend her.

We tried a similar clock but it was Thomas the train. It was okay for a few days but he then he'd wake up and yell at the clock "Wake up! Wake up!. Not exactly what we had in mind, and the clocks are pricey! Sooooo, we put a baby goat on his door. It was also a safety issue with so many stairs in the house if he was wandering around in the dark in the middle of the night. He seriously tested the gate issue (as he does with everything, just his nature) but he quickly learned he wasn't going anywhere so he might as well not bother. I think the trick is that you go to them. If he gets up, you march him right back to bed, no discussion and no cuddles. If he's anything like my son it could take a hundred times, but eventually they just realize it's not worth the trouble. Be prepared for the heartbreak factor though! I once went to check on him and found him fast asleep next to the gate, little hand poking through the bars. I felt horrible! But then he always managed to somehow find his way back to his bed after that so maybe he decided that was not much fun! It's hard when days turn into weeks, weeks into months, then you realize it's the "norm" and you're exhausted. We have had some success with sleep issues, but it has never been easy or simple. We have done the same bath/story/backrub low lights etc etc since he was four months old but some kids just make you work a lot harder than others! We've had to work hard for every single good night's sleep we've ever had! And just when you think you've nailed it, they change the rules again. I'm convinced that mine will go from "can't get him to bed" to "can't get him out of bed" one day. Good luck!

Okay now have to apologize because as I typed the last bit everyone got friendly and nice! See Lewishamman, people are pretty good.

Sean, I didn't mean you. Just in general I've noticed recently that when older people join in they find themselves defending themselves because they might not understand the dynamic . It makes me cringe. Notice the last message by Lewishamman? Is that neighbourly? Lewishamman I'm sorry that Declan made you feel that way. I didn't see the need for him to speak to you like that. I hope you know that there are people in the community and on this forum that don't believe you have to be nasty to have a discussion. There's lots of great stuff on this forum if you look past the ugly bits. :)

Snowboarder I absolutely feel your pain, and my stomach is clenching in knots at the memory of it! However, it has passed and I'm still alive so there's hope. My son did not grow out of it. No advice worked. Solids didn't help, darkness didn't help, stupid lavender bath oil and massage routine didn't help. I lived on 4 hrs a night (not in a row) until he was 10 months old. Before he was born I was all about the Elizabeth Pantley/ Dr. Sears approach, but they had nothing to offer me once my son showed up! Some days his persistence made me lose the will to live. :) Anyway, what saved my life was the Baby Whisperer. She is somewhere in the middle, against the crying parts but realistic about personality and babies that are so beyond a gentle pat and shushing. Her stuff takes work and mind -numbing repetition, but it worked. And frankly I was so out of my mind crazy after 10 months of demanding days and sleepless nights I was desperate enough to do it. I should have done it at four or five months though. Interestingly enough, he also mellowed in the day because he was on such a good sleep and feeding schedule that he didn't get over-tired or hungry. Before that I was always on edge because he went from happy to meltdown with no warning, often in public. There was no rhyme or reason to any of it and none of the "advice" I got helped. I often joked that sleep deprivation used as POW torture should include a difficult baby in the daytime! I had to laugh about the husband coming home. When mine would come home he'd ask how the day was and I'd snarl "just another sh&tty day in paradise!" BUT by about one year he was sleeping roughly 7 -7. MY CHILD! The Baby Whisperer is that good!

Don't worry about it Lewishamman, it's the forum. I've started to notice that they sniff out the seniors and then circle and attack. It sounds like you're pretty scared but if you can ignore the neighbors they probably won't bother you.

High intensity babies (sounds like maybe yours is one....) need something to calm themselves down. My son is one, and although the dummy causes no end of horror to me it has always been what we call "his glass of wine at the end of the day". There are only so many days you can cry the whole way home with a screaming baby in the backseat. The moms will stare either way........ :) Not sure, but it seams you have mentioned somewhere that you're baby is not a great sleeper? I personally think it's a total package; often the babies who don't sleep great at night are also the same babies who are more demanding in the day (tired?). Anyway, double whammy for the mom. I've been there. I was also the mom who always seemed to be with well rested moms who had easy babies and it was quite demoralizing. Mine's a bit older now but I hope you find someone. Maybe Snowboarder?

AND considering how many ridiculous pages the Nasty Nigel thread has dragged on and on I'm pleased to hear from someone who is providing more than just snarky observations and carefully considered "witty" responses.

Shorty I am rally enjoying your stories. :)

I don't know what the problem is, I've been reading some of Shorty's stuff from the V1 V2 thread and have found it intersting. As much as I'm sure there are plenty of sources of local history I don't see how someone who has watched the neighborhood change over 60 years and would like to share his memories is hurting anybody. Who has the right to decide what is a valid topic? If nobody reads it it goes away. Pettiness is what makes this forum dull.

They seem to really like those little kitchens with the dishes and toaster and cooktop. Plus I see four year olds playing with them as well so it's something that will be used for longer than three weeks! You can't miss with a little spade and shovel for the garden though, and actually the rain makes it better because the critters come out. Snails are a really useful distraction!