sillywoman

Ruth_Baldock Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > In my unprofessional opinion: > The MMR/ Autism link is utter, utter bollocks. > > Hope this helps. >:D<

Ok, then little children are another matter - hence my 15 dry years ;) I'm, afraid if I was in your shoes & had asked her not to swear in front of my small children, but she continued, I'd be looking to have an adult friendship with her that didn't involve the children - i.e. "let's go out for a drink next Thursday". At some point she'd probably want to know why you weren't wanting to meet with the children & then you'd need to be straight about her potty-mouth & how you feel about it. After that it's up to her whether she takes in on the chin & continues the friendship, or takes offence (rather ironic if she does) and draws a line under it. A tricky situation though :(

Hmmm, it's a tricky one, & for me a lot would depend on the ages of the children you're talking about. Personally I am currently really enjoying a swearing revival. Having spent the best part of 15 years 'dry' due to young children I am rediscovering the joy of swearing in all sorts of situations. I'm still careful around my 8 year old, & my official line is still 'no swearing' in our home, but my teenagers know more words than I do I'm sure - & consequently the 8yr old knows more than he should too. If I'm talking to my peers though then I do pepper my speech with the odd swear word, they just feel so emphatic & good to say (sort of like bunking off for a ciggie behind the bike sheds used to feel - a bit naughty). However, for me personally, the C-word is a definite no-no. So I guess, Id ask - how old are her kids? Maybe she's just like me - rediscovering a part of her language that was necessarily lost to her for many years?

I don't know about your particular case Ole, but new babies often develop a rash sometime in the first week or so. It can look like heat rash, or - more alarmingly - german measles, and is usually due to their skin reacting to the impurities in our horrible London air. It's wise to always get a newborn with a rash checked, but I wouldn't be worrying until a doctor or Midwife was showing signs of concern about it. Very sorry that he had to have a lumbar puncture though, I bet it was horrible for you? :(

Awww, Congratulations Crokes & welcome to ED Crokelet :))

Hi backslash, I've PM'd you. and yes, Becky in Nunhead is brilliant, but I would say that cos she's my mate ;).

zeban Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > you can 'pah' it all you like sillywoman but those are > the stats- talk to the PR department of Topshop > they'll tell you the same. Just because your > daughter lusts after something doesn't mean you > have to give in. I wouldn't particularly want to > be having battles with my daughter over what she > wears but that doesn't mean I'd give into all she > wants just for the sake of not arguing with her. > You addressed your comments to me Zeban.

by Peggy Vincent. This book http://www.amazon.co.uk/Baby-Catcher-Chronicles-Vincent-Peggy/dp/0743219341/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1337811742&sr=8-1 I just can't find my copy. Does anyone have one I can borrow for a few weeks? Or, have I lent you my copy? If I have, can I borrow it back for a short while? I'd get one from amazon but I haven't left myself enough time as I have a book club on June 1st. I was so sure it was on my shelves - overconfidence is a terrible thing. Seeing as I recommended it I can't not read it! can anyone help?

zeban Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Just because your > daughter lusts after something doesn't mean you > have to give in. I wouldn't particularly want to > be having battles with my daughter over what she > wears but that doesn't mean I'd give into all she > wants just for the sake of not arguing with her. > I'd encourage her to not just copy what her peers > were doing and realise that all the people in the > magazines she sees are alot older than her. I'd > also encourage her into realising there's more to > life than fashion and image. Then once she's old > enough to have a job and buy her on clothes then > she can wear what she wants. I don't see how > that's daft. OK, I've tried to rise above it but I can't. I can't just ignore that mammoth insult. Zeban what you've said to me is rude, unfounded and very personal. you have chosen to infer from my post that I am giving in to my daughter "for the sake of not arguing". That's a serious challenge to my parenting. You couldn't be more wrong. So in the spirit of your challenge; and an attempt again to explain why I disagree with your attitude to young teens in 'Top Shop'; and to defend both myself and my daughter - no I don't appreciate how you've chosen to describe her in 'spoilt princess' terms, you couldn't be more wrong - here it is. My daughter shops/ has shopped at Top-shop because; a)she likes it. b)I don't often have strong feelings about her choice of clothes, and if I do, then she doesn't have it/wear it. c)I trust her to be sensible. d)She has to buy clothes from somewhere (though I agree that TS is very expensive and by no means does the bulk of her wardrobe come from there. It's more like the odd item with birthday or Christmas vouchers.) e)The clothes are aimed at her and her peer group, and frankly they look flipping fantastic in them. You don't know me, you don't know my fantastic, funny, fashionable, intelligent and articulate daughter - so don't be representing me, or her as something neither of us is. You sound very smug in your views of what you'd do with your teenage daughter and I wish you good luck with that if you're lucky enough to have one in the future. I'm sure your daughter will comply, but in case she doesn't I hope that by then you'll have learned that teenagers are people with their own views and thoughts and opinions on how to dress and what they want to wear, not robots to be moulded into your ideal of a little mini-me. I'll thanks you not to post anything again that casts unfounded aspersions on the way I parent, or suggests anything about the kind of person you think my daughter might be. Hanstands: For the reasons stated by others above I wouldn't be so sure about StellaB either.

Fuschia Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Officially 15-30 they say, there Pah to that! (in the nicest possible way F :)) Sillygirl & all her friends have been in & out of there, lusting after stuff, since they hit secondary school at 12. And yes Zeban I do shop with her in there, as do her friends Mums (mostly my friends). You must have missed us. Whilst respecting your opinion, mine is that you're being a bit daft. But each to their own eh - I'm clearly a looser Mother with my daughter's image than you are/ will be with yours. Hey ho - back to the gin.

Ooh, poor you Saffron, it must be driving you potty listening to everyone rave aboutthe weather. I don't know for sure but would a veruca sock (used for swimming) do the trick? Or a plackie bag under a sock at a pinch?

DO people eat random plants and berries on those walks? I really doubt it. What better way for your boy to learn to recognise what's good to eat & what isn't than by taking him on guided walks like this? I think it's a great idea & your husband isn't being logical.

Though my 16yr old loathes New Look, so if you're going further afield than local, and looking at clothes shop vouchers then maybe as others have suggested check first.

zeban Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > personally I think Tophop is too old for a 14 year > old. Zeban it's aimed at 14 year olds. Edited to add; as you said 'local' OP, how about ED? My 16yr old could happily live in there.

Hmmm, spoke to the chair of G&T's MSLC today - she hadn't heard anything at all about Doula's being hired by Tommies. The joint Kings & Tommies MSLC is next week so I'll ask then & hopefully find out more to report back.

Yes, that's right sandy-rose, although it can be very unpredictable. Because Pethidine is a sedative, it often relaxes womens' bodies/muscles, & if their bodies are relaxed then often the labour will progress much quicker than expected. So, for example, you might have Pethidine at 2cms dilated (after having been there for a long time & being quite exhausted)and 2 hours later you find you are 10cms and pushing baby out! Kings have got much better in recent years at only offering Pethidine early on in labour though. For you - by 21 hours later any pethidine would have been out of yours & your baby's system, hence the high apgar.

For this year I think that places are still being offered and will be for another couple of months, there's still a lot of movement. Do you mean the furthest distance offered in the first round of offers though?

I live in the same place as you and have used (in my time) Oak Tree Nursery, Half Moon Montessori - and best of all of them - Mustard Seed Nursery. We walked or cycled to all of them.

Pethidine is a sedative that sometimes also can work as a pain reliever. Diamorhine is a painkiller. Both are narcotics which cross the placenta and affect the baby, often leading to initial breathing problems, lethargic babies and thence to problems with breastfeeding.

GentleStrength if your Mother in law is Lynne Pacanowski of St Thomas' (there are no midwifery or maternity services at all at Guys) then she is holding a very important position & you need to be very careful about posting statements in her name. There's other stuff too but I won't highjack the thread. Saila The community midwife advice is very sound, but get in quick as places get taken. You can refer yourself to The Brierly Team (caseload Midwifery), they specialise in homebirth & PND, so though the homebirth bit doesn't apply to you the PND bit might particularly as you are so clearly traumatised by your last birth.

There isn't a maternity unit at Guys. I guess you must mean St Thomas? It's really fantastic news that they'll be doing that, I can't wait until the MSLC in a couple of weeks (anyone welcome) where I'm sure they'll be announcing it so we'll be able to find out more.

Hi SEGirl, the course my friend did that I PM'd you about was with these people;http://www.consciousbirthing.co.uk/ She's training to be a Midwife but had to take a year out for medical reasons so did her Doula training then. She was very impressed with their approach & raved about the course when she came back. They are accredited by Doula uk.

saila - it's me again BTW not my midwife friend (though she is sitting next to me :)) ) I can completely see where you're coming from with wanting your next birth to be quite medicalised because it will make you feel safe. Please don't think that you're "not supposed to say" that you thought the ventouse 'was great', you can say what you want. It was your birth, & your experience - no-one else's. I guess what you need to do now is look as objectively as possible at what that birth experience was & decide how it will influence what you want to do with labour number 2.If you want the full monitors & medicines approach then that's fine too. Your labour, your way - as long as baby plays ball. With this in mind I really do think that you might want to get hold of your notes from last time & discuss with a professional what happened. I know that Kings do a birth debrief if you ask. I think it's with a consultant midwife, but don't quote me on that. Either way it will be with someone who knows their onions & can interpret the medical notes & jargon for you.

Hi Saila, Firstly just to say I'm not SillyWoman - I'm a friend, and student midwife currently working at Kings and just saw your last post and wanted to reply myself. When you have an episiotomy there is nothing you can do before hand to reduce the risk of infection. There is too much 'happening down there' at that moment for any cleaning to make any difference, and shaving won't help either. It's what you do afterwards that makes the difference. Keeping the area as clean and dry as possible (which I know is easier said than done) is the best way to help reduce the risk. Having said that don't go overboard with cleaning either as this can irritate the area. Baths have been shown to be good as they provide good pain relief as well as aiding cleaning. Cold baths are better but aren't as nice so a warm bath is fine (not too hot though.) TMI warning now - keep an eye (or nose) out for smell - it shouldn't smell bad. But mostly I'd say if you are worried at any point get your midwife to have a look... At King's (and nationally) your cervix is checked every 4 hours once you are in established labour. There are certain circumstances where you may be checked before you are 'due' for the next one but these are exceptional as regular checks increase the risk of ascending infection. 2 hours I'm afraid is too frequently. As SillyWoman said, you need to be 4cm dilated before you can be admitted onto the labour ward. Colloquially, epidurals can lengthen your labour, although this is inconclusive in current research. Due to the risks involved with an epidural you have to be in established labour before you can have one, as your midwife needs to know that you're labour will continue and you will deliver - having an epidural in too long when you are not contracting isn't an ideal situation for you or your baby. Unfortunately it's pretty impossible to examine your own cervix - you won't be able to reach! Also bear in mind that if your labour is progressing really quickly, or if you are 8-9cm and moving into pushing your baby out your midwife may advise against an epidural for two reasons - firstly and most importantly an epidural is no help to you or your baby whilst you're pushing. It can actually cause more problems at this stage. Also - and less importantly but has to be mentioned for practical reasons - there is always a chance that there will be a queue for the anaesthetist, especially if they are in theatre, and so they may not get to you before you are pushing your baby out. Also, I think it's worth mentioning that although an epidural may slow your labour down, it increases your chances of needing an assisted delivery (ventouse or forceps) by around 80% and therefore also your risk of tearing/episiotomy. Has anyone talked to you about labouring and giving birth in water - it can provide good pain relief as well as reducing your risk of tearing. Might be something to think about? Finally, on the independent midwife vs doula argument, for you it may be better to have a doula. Independent midwives are great, but they aren't insured to practice in hospitals, so if you are planning a hospital birth you would be paying an independent midwife to basically be a doula (and it will cost you more.) Hope this is helpful! SM2

Hi Saila, I think a lot of the advice given by GentleStrength is good, but there area couple of small inaccuracies that I'd like to pick up on. 1) For some time now (since about 2007-ish) the policy has been to admit women to the labour ward at Kings once they are 4cm, not 3cms. At this point they are in 'active' 1st stage of labour. Given your anxieties it would be awful if you went to hospital at 3 only to be turned away again :( The reason for this is not to do with bed shortages, but rather to do with the nature of how women labour. labour can be very stoppy-starty - you might labour for some hours and then it stop altogether for a while, or you might not notice the early stage. It can be very hard to tell what is happening. In order for you to be admitted to the labour ward they need to be fairly certain that your labour is 'established' & going to continue at a reasonable pace ending with the birth of your baby within a reasonable timeframe. I'm sure no-one in their right mind would want to spend, what could potentially be days in the hospital waiting for their labour to really get going! This, combined with the fact that labour - being completely hormone driven - will progress much quicker for most women in their own homes, is why they might send you home - not because of bed shortages. So, this begs the question for you Saila "how do I know when I'm 4cm dilated?". The main form of measurement you have is your contractions. A really rough rule of thumb is that by the time you're getting 3 contractions within each 10 minute time block, & they're lasting a minimum of 45 seconds (minimum), and they are so strong that you can't hold a conversation through them, then you are probably about 4cms dilated. Apologies for the many qualifications, but this is a very rough science, though the best I have to offer. 2) The medical staff aren't 'required' to be resistant to you having an epidural. They are on the whole as supportive of your choices as possible; if you want it you can have it. However, it does sound from your description of your last labour that your body went very rapidly through the 'established labour' phase. Certainly on the antenatal ward you cannot have an epidural because - in theory - you should only be on the antenatal ward for the early part of your labour (up to 4cms) and an epidural for pain relief is only offered after that point. If you are coming to the end of established labour & moving into the pushing stage (it sounds like you were well into that by the time you got to the labour ward), then an epidural would have been a hinderance to you, your labour and your baby, rather than a help, so it's probable that that was why you weren't able to have one. If that was the case then, as edanna describes, it's likely that your 2nd labour will be even quicker - it's certainly a possibility you should discuss with your midwife. 3) Episiotomy. The reason that will have an episiotomy or not is not because "Some doctors believe that a natural tear heals more easily, others believe that a straight incision does". It's due to whether, at the point of birth, it looks as though you may tear badly. If it looks as though this is a probability (all sorts of signs midwives & docs look out for) then they will be suggesting an episiotomy to redirect any tearing away from your bottom (apologies for TMI!). Also "Some doctors believe that a natural tear heals more easily, others believe that a straight incision does. Both a tear and an incision pose a similar risk of infection" this isn't accurate. Research has shown that in general tears heal more speedily and efficiently than cuts. Doctors know this and will on the whole avoid doing an episiotomy unless they feel that it is the best option for you in the circumstances. So the reason you had one last time will have been because of the mode of your delivery (ventouse = rapid birth = stronger likelihood of tearing badly). It's definitely worth discussing with your Midwives avoidance strategies for tearing/ episiotomies in the first place, as there are a lot of things you can do beforehand & during labour to help you avoid either scenario. Your partner will not be sent home once you are on the labour ward, and in fact the policy change at Kings now means that partners can stay with you all the time if you wish wherever you are in the maternity unit; antenatal ward, labour ward, or postnatal ward. Yay!! As I say, GentleStrengths advice is mostly good. I particularly agree that a good, knowledgeable, birth doula would be a very good option for you to consider. You might like to take a look at http://doula.org.uk/ the professional organisation where most trained & qualified Doula's list their services, or put a post on the forum -personal recommendations are often the best way to go. Sorry for the essay, I hope some of this can be useful to you (and anyone else who might be reading). SW P.S. Might it be worth asking for a birth debrief from your last labour? It could help you get a clearer picture of what happened & why so that you can get a sense of what was controllable & what was changeable. Your midwife should be able to organise this.