oimissus

thanks so much everyone, and for PMs, lots of food for thought.

starting to properly think about primary for Miss Oi starting school next year. We could just about afford the Villa (where she's at nursery) for the 3 years, but after that? Where do children go on to - do they stay private (Dulwich schools I guess) or go into state? Is there a better chance of getting into the state primary you would like at aged 7 rather than 4? Be interested to know what Villa parents have done! (I only know one and they have stayed private which I don't think we can afford.)

a word of warning about Knole and it's beautiful deer park. Deer like crisps. Especially cheese and onion. The despair I felt when a deer nicked my crisps is still fresh in my mind. I recall my sister laughing at said despair. Then another deer nabbed her bag. AAAAAHAHAHAHA!!! (This was at about 30 years ago. This things stay with you.)

on the drying front, you might find one of these handy - I'm thinking of getting one to cover those days where it's too warm to put the heating on but the weather's not good enough for hanging outside (or if you don't have an outside to hang in). http://www.lakeland.co.uk/21736/Dry-Soon-3-Tier-Heated-Tower-Airer (in answer to your question, I didn't use reusables, though I had planned to do so, partly through never getting myself organized and also, a bit ridiculously, because Miss Oi was so tiny and I knew reusables are bulky and I thought she'd look really silly swamped in a giant nappy. Feeble, I know . . .)

there's a kind of holiday village near Maenporth Beach (near Falmouth) which we thought about, the beach itself is lovely, and there's an indoor pool in the complex too.

we did it with a compass - in fact, if you want to come over I have the map with all the distances marked on it! (But that's from last year's figures, I think Renata said on the current thread that this year's figures don't get released until later on this year.)

the Villa is all year round, closed for a week at Christmas and a week at Easter. From aged 2.

tap water in Birmingham is soft. My mum moved to London from Glasgow 50-odd years ago and has never got used to the taste of London water, she hates it. Though not to the extreme of not making tea or cooking veg with it.

Seconded, I went to Lindi-Lu's classes at Dulwich Healthmatters and they were great. D'you know if she does regular evening yoga classes (non-pregnancy, I mean), j-mo?

did a recent search on Guardian holiday cottages for Dorset and lots of big properties were on there, not too far away and plenty to do.

at 9 months, and if you don't mind a mess, could you start to give her the same as you're having, and she can dig in with her hands?

some of the smaller climbing frames and slides in playgrounds can be good for crawlers, otherwise swimming, library (Canada Water has a great children's library), Tate Modern turbine hall - any big space where they're not going to be a danger to themselves or others basically!

that's the thing, Mr Oi's work does not routinely expect long hours, but he's not exactly paid a hill of beans for his age and experience, and I'm paid even less. But we aren't terribly ambitious either - oh dear, not a good SAHM, not a career woman - where does that leave me?!

I have recently started my first office-based job since having Miss Oi, who is 3. Handily, it was advertised as part-time and my boss is happy for me to do my weekly hours however I choose - at the moment I am doing 3 seven and a half hours days - so I'm not in that situation when you go from full to part-time in the same job but basically have to do the same hours in less. But, it is the ONLY part-time job I have seen advertised, and I've been looking for 2 years (I've been doing freelance work 2 days a week for a year but that only covered nursery and was more for my own sanity - a natural SAHM I am not, even though I did it for 2 years). I do feel very lucky that I've got it, my salary has doubled (which isn't saying much!), it's guaranteed and I get sick, holiday, pension etc. Mr Oi's place have been pretty reasonable. As I said on the other thread, he's doing pick-up and drop-off for the first 3 months until I get past my probationary when I will feel more comfortable in jiggling my hours around - so no unpaid overtime from him (but that's only the 3 days I work). He has a big project coming up which in previous years has involved 2 weeks of 12-13 hour days - how this is going to work this year I don't know, I simply won't be able to do my contracted hours if I'm doing drop-off and pick-up. But he's in a very strong position where he is, so hopefully he can dictate how he wants to handle this. With my job I feel very lucky, I can do the 3 days while Miss Oi is at nursery but when she starts school I could swap to 5 shorter days perhaps - it's the logistics that are so tricky. But I have very pleased to be properly back at work, I found being a SAHM very hard and I should never have done it for so long, don't think it did me or Miss Oi any favours!

hahahaaaaaa, that's brilliant!

I agree this is all crap, but what I was really thinking was the inflexibility from men's employers, and the assumption that anything child-related, be in nursery drop-off / pick-up, or taking time off because of your child's illness, should still be covered by the woman, particularly if she is part-time. That seems to be what the OP's husband's employer thinks, and from what I've read on Mumsnet he's not alone (though I also get the impression that a lot of the men themselves think this too!). Sometimes I find myself thinking we're lucky because Mr Oi's employer isn't like this - but we're not lucky, he simply has an employer who is acting properly. He puts in the hours when needed but in return isn't made to feel like a pariah for taking time off because his daughter has chickenpox and his wife has started a new job. At the mo he is doing both drop off and pick up as my working days are longer, as is my commute, but once I'm past my probationary period I know I will be able to alter my hours so that we split it. But for now he's 9-5 on the dot and there's bugger all anyone can, or should, do about it.

'Hubby changing hours isn't an option (he's the only member of his team with a working wife).' this has depressed me immensely. Are there still employers out there who are such dinosaurs that they think either wives shouldn't work, or that their jobs aren't as important? You are both working parents. Equal. No reason why your employer should be expected to be more flexible than his. sorry, doesn't help you, but that's rubbish for you.

would it be worth having a nanny for the baby, who could do drops offs/pick ups for the older one too, and have a cleaner come in for a few hours a week? Nanny-share could be even more cost-effective?

definitely second Celia Hammond. We were turned down by Battersea for kittens because we both worked full time (at that time), whereas CH wanted us to take more than 2 - their view was our house was better than their pen, and the kittens would have each other (and wouldn't be kittens for long) while we were at work. They were very supportive whilst our semi-feral kittens settled in. Even though we don't qualify for their low-cost vet care they are happy to treat them as their feralness makes it difficult for us to take them to a regular vet (and we always make a donation).

Miss Oi is still awake. Starting to get me down. Took till 10 on Sunday for her to go to sleep (to be fair she was 3 hours in the car and slept for one of those), last night not too bad, obviously tonight not great. What have other parents of 3-year-olds done? She just doesn't seem to be tired, but she's been up since 7, at nursery all day with a short 20 minute nap. Mr Oi thinks her room is too light as she's playing with her cuddly toys but she asks for the door to be a bit open so it's not too dark - I'm thinking in investing in a night light and shutting the door (I don't think she'd be able to open the door) - but she's never slept with the door shut, it almost feels like a punishment. Aaaarrrggghh! She is in fact a fantastic sleeper once asleep, I'm beginning to think this is retribution for her sleeping through so early on when she was a baby!

Miss Oi is still yapping away at the top of her voice.

watch all those films and old repeats you want to but husband not keen on. Play loud music, thrash metal or grime or something similarly blasting. Read in bed for aaaaages, eating left over Easter eggs and hot cross buns. The bathroom is Yours and Yours Alone. You don't have to compromise on ANYTHING!! Awesome!!!

drop in classes like Tippee Toes are great, but commiting to blocks of classes does feel like a waste of money - with the amount of illness we've had this year I would have lost money hand over fist, and that's on top of paying for nursery days that haven't been used (illness/bank hols/nursery closed for Easter). And now I'm working 3 days a week, I want to keep my 2 days with Miss Oi free and flexible. Though I do think she'd love a gym or dance class. Hum . . .

Bruges is beautiful. It can also be bitterly cold so wrap up as warm as you think possible. In fact, warmer. Can't remember where we ate but every meal was divine.

our 3 year old had chicken pox recently, 2 weeks indoors (with a couple of quick trips to nearby deserted playground thrown in) and to be honest, I don't think we did anything in particular, it wasn't too bad (she was a wee bit poorly for the first couple of days and then fine after that). Just usual things of toys, games, jigsaws, painting, play doh, bit of baking, garden - just drifted from room to room doing different things. Bit more TV than usual, but not loads, we have Peter Pan/Alice in Wonderland/Jungle Book on rotation. But I did split it with Mr Oi, as I had just started a new job so couldn't take time off - he did 3 days, me 2 and then the weekend together - if you a SAHM I would push for your partner to take maybe a couple of days off to give you a break.