oimissus

womanofdulwich - yes, I think that affects both partners' expectations. Mr Oi came from a pretty trad set up, stay at home mum, working and uninvolved(ish) dad. But, as I said, good training from female housemates pre-me. Both my parents worked, dad full time from home (freelance), mum part time out of the home. Chores were probably split along gender lines to an extent, but my dad could certainly cook and always did the washing up, and also did all the gardening and DIY. So he certainly wasn't sat on his arse whilst my mum zoomed about doing everything. I remember when I was in the 3rd year at uni and had to live at home for a term. My mum had gone away for some conference overnight and had told me to make a lasagne for dinner. I was a bit late getting back (prob went to the union for a pint!) and when I rushed in my dad had started making it. I said 'sorry I'm late, I can finish it off'. He fixed me with a withering stare and said 'do you assume I can't make a lasagne???'. Me: (backing out of the kitchen) 'no, no, of course not, you carry on'. That told me. It was yum. Not as good as my mum's though . . . !

I think susyp has a lot of good points - it's very easy for us who do these things as second nature to criticise our partners when they get it 'wrong', and so it's more understandable if they give up or get grumpy. Ask your husband to hoover the living room - but don't mention it if he misses a bit. Get him to take your son out, you can help by packing up a bag of essentials, but just let him get on with it and don't comment on what he's planned to do. In the early days of being parents I was dreadful at hovering over Mr Oi, telling him he wasn't doing it right - blah blah. Unsurprisingly he told me to shove off and let him do it his way! Which, eventually, dragging my heels all the way, I did. And hey presto, nearly 2 and a half years on, Miss Oi is just fine and dandy. I've been thinking about why Mr Oi is, generally speaking, pretty good at all this house stuff, and I think it's because, before meeting me (which was when we were about 30ish), he had mainly lived with girls (not girlfriends, female pals) - most of his friends are girls - and knowing them as I do now, I doubt any of them would take any shit about lack of housework etc - it's easy to say that to a mate rather than your partner, isn't it? They would have taken the piss out of him endlessly. So he was pretty well trained when I came along. But he probably wasn't at 22! Now, would you look at the bloody weather. There's something we can do sod all about, grrrrrr.

I read somewhere, and this could be total scaremongering rubbish, that talc to a baby's lungs is like asbestos. ! ! ! ! I didn't use it.

wow. That is a lot of work, for the both of you, and I can see that it will take a while for you all to re-adjust. Before all this, was he good around the house - i.e. has he always been like this, or has he got used to it whilst working and studying all hours? on the admin side I am incredibly impressed with your organization - a yearly budget! It sounds like you are very good at that side of things so maybe keep that on yourself. On the chores front - I dunno, either you could draw up a rota, or just frankly not do it for a while and see how he gets on with no clean shirts and no food - do it for you and your son but leave him to fend for himself and maybe that will get him to pull his finger out? Both sound a bit crap though! Or, as others have suggested, get him to pay for a cleaner. You do the budget, so tell him you have factored that in. Will a couple of hours a week break the bank? (it would for us unfortunately, I would bloody love a cleaner). But also, tell him that it is not playing the game to sulk when asked to do a few basic things about the house, that is ridiculous - tell him his son is learning to tidy up his toys, it would be nice to see Daddy setting a good example!

don't know if people are aware (I wasn't at playgroup last week, heard this from a friend in the park yesterday) but it's not on tomorrow - they have to have 2 people to run it and Beth has got a permanent job starting immediately. They are looking to find someone else to help run it. My friend attends the church there so I'll keep an ear out for next week - I think they're hoping to have it sorted by then.

but it's not a disaster, is it? It's just a little thing that went wrong. I think you have to be wary of shooting down in flames everything he suggests, even if it is a bit daft, otherwise he will become completely disengaged. I was very anal about Miss Oi's schedule up until quite recently; now, well, if she misses a nap, or goes to bed a bit late every once in a while, it doesn't matter if it means we can do something a bit different. I am a great believer in routine for little ones, but veering from it every so often is actually a good thing, for all of us. I think you should let your husband have your son for a day, let him plan it and execute it - and deal with any fall out that may (or may not) happen. Chances are it will be fine! I find that even if what my husband has suggested does sounds like a slight recipe for disaster - if I'm not there it's not my problem (I'm very 'out of sight, out of mind') and they always have a whale of a time, and I get to go shopping/read/watch whatever shit telly I like. Lovely!

my husband works full time, and at busy times will have to put in pretty long days, but mainly he leaves the house at 8 and is back by 6. For 2 years I was a stay at home mum (not out of choice) and did odd bits of freelance work around the baby. When she turned 2 (beginning of this year) she started nursery 2 days a week and I do freelance work on those days. I do all the food shopping and laundry, and most of the cooking, which I like doing, but if I'm knackered he will knock up something - he can cook, and would do more. I wash up through the day for me and Miss Oi. I mainly get her up, husband mainly does bath and bedtime. He is far tidier than me so does all the proper cleaning (I'm a surface cleaner! I never MOVE anything, just go around it . . .) but we both hoover, tidy - he's much better at doing the bathroom and washing floors. Weekends we do stuff together mainly - though he loves taking Miss Oi out on his own, and I think will do more of that. I have to organise him a bit, make sure he's got nappies, snacks etc - but I can do it more quickly as I'm more practised - he's perfectly capable. Bills are mainly direct debit, otherwise he sorts them. Holidays we always plan together. To be honest, I think you need to make it clear to your husband that you are BOTH parents 24/7. He may leave the home to earn money, but you do that too, as well as do the job of caring for your (the both of yours) son, which is very hard work! He sounds a bit childish from your post? But I would also lower your standards a bit (I'm dreadfully slovenly), and you sound a little controlling, do your weekends need to be 'timetabled'? Do you not just wake up, see what the weather's like and then decide what to do? Other than a weekend away that's what we do. Having read a lot of these kinds of threads on Mumsnet (first time I've seen one on the EDF!), other than feeling relieved that this isn't my life (sorry!), I do wonder why women put up with these kinds of men? Did you do all the running around before you became parents? Are you not perhaps enabling his behaviour? My sister is like this, her boyfriend is frankly pretty lazy and from day 1 of their relationship she has done pretty much everything (though he is good at DIY, I'll give him that), and I just do not understand why??? In short, I think he needs to get on board a bit more, and you need to relax a bit more!

my neighbour's cat DID get shut in my shed once. He put a dead mouse into my handbag as thanks for letting him out, which was nice, along with a day's worth of poo and wee in my shed.

it's only on in the evening on Friday, so could go after school?

I think that unless the film was shot in 3D (which I don't think this would have been) then it's probably not worth the money - this is from a geek friend who's seen both kinds and reckons you can tell which have had 3D 'added' to them. Your daughter will love it whatever!

oooh, ooh, it's on tomorrow too, I might have to force Miss Oi to watch this rather than CBeebies. I see you can get a JB with cuddly animal wallpaper . . .

my mum took me and my sister here a few years back, it was luuuurvly! http://www.danesfieldhouse.co.uk

bugger, I missed him, I heart Captain Jack!

Pizza Express in Greenwich was dire when we visited, admittedly they had a rush from the theatre (where we'd been) but they totally cocked it up and also only seemed to have about 4 high chairs. They did knock a lot of our bill though and gave us a very gooey choc cupcake which Miss Oi enjoyed on the bus home!

yes, the email I got said that there's no music class on Thursday because the Herne is a polling station, but soft play tomorrow was still on.

Simone, my niece was at nursery from 9 months, it was attached to the uni where my brother-in-law was a student, it sounded absolutely lovely and they were very sad when she had to leave (too far away once he had graduated).

if it's a nice day what about the Princess Diana Memorial playground in Kensington Gardens - it's got a pirate ship! and a wigwam!! and it's FREE!!!

we use the wellbaby vitamins which our 2 year old loves. She is veggie and also quite fussy so these are a precaution for her. You can't get the drops (which I used to put into her milk) from the HV at 2 years old so you have to buy. I wasn't sure about the chewy sweets (too many dentists in the family!) so went for liquid which we give at breakfast so her teeth will be cleaned soon after. TBH I think this is good advice, we can offer the most balanced diet in the world but can't force our children to eat it, so at least this ensures they are getting important nutrients.

well, this rainy morning we got on a bus to the Imperial War Museum (free!) which Miss Oi loved - she's been before but was far more into it today - there's half a plane you can go in and out of, which she proceeded to do about 20 times, and was up and down the submarine coning tower about another 10. So exhausted she fell asleep on the way home (not on the pram, I mean on the seat of the bus!). Double deckers, planes and subs all in one morning, what more could a 2 year old ask for?! We also discovered the Museum of London in Docklands at Easter, free again with a little soft play room - another hit. West India Quay, so you could combine it with a jaunt on the DLR (though we drove I have to admit).

re the Bee raincover, I didn't realise this but want to share - if you buy it from John Lewis and your little darling tears it, it's covered under their 2 year guarantee. I didn't even consider this, but when I went to ask them about buying a new one they told me this - but by then it was out of guarantee grrrr!

Horniman Museum? Soft play at the Peckham Pulse? Walk in Dulwich Woods, the trees keep most of the rain off and it's always a lovely place for a walk with little ones. Or even just get a bus or train somewhere, our 2 year old loves the top deck of a double decker!

I have a 2 year old Bee and it's been very good. We got it because we wanted a travel system but for it to be small enough to fit into our Ka's boot, and narrow enough for our hallway and to use on the bus, which it is. I like the height adjustable handle (my sis also has this, she's 5' 2", her boyfriend is 6' 3" and they are both comfortable pushing it) and the fact that it is forward and rear facing. Pretty easy to collapse, though I've not tried it one handed. The only downside was the lack of carrycot, but that's what makes it so compact, and as she was only fully lying down in it for 3-4 months it wasn't really a prob, and when it was warmer and she wasn't bundled up in a gazillion layers it was even better. I do strongly recommend it if you're going to be out and about on public transport with it a lot. 2 years on and it's still going strong!

not a ready meal but quick and easy - omelette, scrambled eggs, cheese and tomato puree on toast, sandwiches.

Hellosailor - what a very moving post, thank you for sharing it, it must have been very difficult for you to write. It sounds a situation where no amount of info or support could have made a difference and so is exactly one where you thank God there is such a thing as formula. I hope you and your baby are thriving x

good excuse not to do any housework?? (slovenly mother here)