ladida

Prince Philip to a Scottish driving instructor - 'How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them past the test?'

and in China to a couple of tourists - 'If you stay here long enough you'll end up getting all slitty eyed'

Lozzyloz, are you thinking of the same Palmerston as me? The one on LL? It was never the kind of pub one would want to spend a great deal of time in.

Twin peaks

It could have gone on for ever

'Golf, the best way to ruin a good walk'

Churchill, I think but not entirely sure

I agree with you mockers, The Palmerston is definitely NOT a pub, I've stood up at the bar before and felt like I was waiting for a table. Franklins on the other hand is OK to pop into for a pint. I went in there yesterday at about 6:30, sat down, pint, read the paper, fine. Admittedly I didn't the sofa which was a bit annoying, but it was fine. They also do a cup of builders tea if you ask them, which is something I am desperate for the CPT to do.

A blind man walks into a shop with his guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head, Alarmed, the shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks' says the blind man. 'Just looking'

Tommy Cooper

Never to return

I wish I had the key to eternal youth

I used to love Dungeons & Dragons, is that true Keef?

Maybe, but aren't black cabs specifically designed to a very small turning circle?

my wife and I were married in a toilet, it was a marriage of convenience!

michaell, after having waited at the taxi rank at London Bridge for about an hour, I thought I'd try and hail a cab going north thinking what you think, so onto London Bridge I went, got in my cab within 5 mins, he starts to drive off, I tell him ED, 15 seconds later there I was on the pavement having been forcably ejected.

'A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke'

Groucho Marx

Another one from Wodehouse:

'Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant, it's best not to stir them'

Hold on, I was there too, but I was around t'other side, I did see you there Keef as you know.

Was watching Randal and Hopkirk Deceased the other day and it reminded me that it was a shame that the Vic and BoB version of the show didn't carry on any further than it did. I can't remember specfic episodes, but I just remember that I quite liked it.

Any other suggestions? Hart to Hart maybe!

I think the Forest Hill Tavern has some ridiculous licence that lets it remain open until 4am or maybe 6am, but whether they use it or not I really don't know.

....you've got ?1 left on your Oyster Card, you get on the bus to work, it takes your fare and the bus either breaks down half way to work or has been lying about its destination on the front,......

I've been turned down on numerous occassions waiting for a cab at London Bridge, why do all the cabs at a South London station want to go north I wonder?? Anyway, someone suggested to me to say 'Camberwell' and then keep saying 'just a bit further on' etc, and it seems to work.

What's wrong with Galaxy and Cadbury's Dairy Milk? There are surely no better chocolates.........

I aint bad with my veg, but don't really know much about plants in general, it's probably best to wait and see what becomes of the place later on in the year when I maybe could plant some aubergines, courgettes, spuds, rocket, herbs etc outside.

FOOTBALL, the whole thing and everything associated with it.

I agree with an Italian eatery, the only other one I can think of is on Forest Hill Road along the parade of shops. What about a Peruvian restaurant, I've only had it once and it was pukka.

Definitely a lick of paint, it needs a bit of structural work done first though. I suggested to them last year that we start growing some veg in the planters outside, might be nice.

people not holding doors open for others, spitting, people not saying please and thank you, the 63 bus, never winning on the Lottery, the hole in my roof, not knowing which of my cats had done a runny poo on the stairs overnight, bar staff in Franklins, my old girlfriend being rude (very rude), going to the pub more often than I should, it getting dark early, the wind, rubbish television, not being able to think of any more for a bit......

Keef, you do everything you can to be out of the office and avoiding work on an all round basis.