*Bob*

I've been called back to rush-out a last-minute musical botch-job. I'm with you. (For about an hour)

cate Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > British people are very fortunate to have the NHS. > So why do a lot of them have hideous teeth? Your view of NHS dentistry (up until very recently especially) is somewhat rose-tinted. 'American Teeth' have, sadly, never been available on the NHS. Indeed, for some people, any sort of dentistry on the NHS has been hard to find. However, you're right of course in that ignorance plays its part as well. I expect it's also the reason why so many Americans are repulsively obese. Fat or bad teeth. It's a tough call.

This is turning into something of a non-story, evident in news reporting last night. General political votewinning mumblings aimed at middle england (wherever that is) about being soft of criminals etc etc, but not a lawyer or a politician in sight who was willing to saw that law was an ass with regards to this particular incident: a posse of men (because that's what they were - only in a car and not on horses) out for vengeance.

For example, would you agree that live, reasonably healthy people also 'look better' than dead ones who couldn't afford medical insurance?

Well it's all pros and cons, isn't it? My teeth are fine, on account of looking after them. And on account of being able to afford to look after them, of course. But if I was less well-off, I'd choose worse teeth and a health service free at the point of delivery. After all, you don't die on account of having bad teeth.

What kind of a society are we living in where you can't chase someone out of your house and down the street and then hit them repeatedly on the head with a cricket bat until their head cracks open with the full approval of the law? The right one, I think. The law exists to differentiate between justice and revenge - because unfortunately, there are too many people incapable of distinguishing between the two themselves, whether in the heat of the moment or not. When those two guys caught-up with that one burglar, self-defence of person and property turned-into revenge.. and the law simply has recognise that in one way or another. I think the severity of the sentence is unfair but that doesn't mean to say I think they deserve a medal and tickertape parade. Incidentally, if my family and I had just been tied-up and threatened with death by three armed men, the last thing I'm sure they'd want to see me do (should I manage to break free) is run out of the door after them with a bat. But then I guess I'm probably not Rambo enough for that sort-of thing anyway.

What we need is a greater level of international understanding. Brits should try harder to understand that when you live in a place where you can drive for 1000 miles in at least three directions and still not hit border or ocean - that also offers just about every sort of terrain and climate that you might be looking for, the urge to spend half a day on a aeroplane just to get to somewhere that might not be as good anyway might not be pressing as it is in, say, Barnsley. Americans should try to understand that - even if you can afford it - having the face of a fifty year-old and the teeth of a fifteen year-old is not necessarily a good look.

The real winner today.. was music. When does X-Factor start-up again?

That conversation in full: Assistant (on hearing our accents): "Hey.. where you from?" *Bob*: "We're from London" Assistant: "How far's that?" *Bob*: "Ooh.. took us about 14 hours" Assistant: "Drivin'?" *Bob*: Driving?! (lightheartedly) No!.. even if you could drive, you'd be driving non-stop for a week..! Assistant: (considers briefly) Serious?! If it makes you feel any better, he probably doesn't know where Canada is either. I'm not suggesting all Americans are deficient in the Geography department, just that I met one who was and this seemed like a good place for the anecdote. That said, like the hilarious Amercian 'English Teeth' thing, there is generally an element of truth to these things.

Crap conversions. London's full of them - been in a couple of abysmal ones myself so can definitely sympathise. Doesn't seem fair, but sometimes the only real fix is to move and find somewhere else. Easier if you rent (and a bugger if you've bought) obviously.

cate Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Hey, there is a London, Ontario, which is in > Canada in case you didn't know........stop being > cultural snobs. I didn't know that. Do they all speak with British accents there too?

A number one for Simon Cowell and a record which is number one because of Simon Cowell are still both number ones for Simon Cowell - in any sense that matters. Does his ego really more of a boost? Oh.. you think it does? Then download that 'Rage' track right now. If you download it enough times he may even employ you as his personal fluffer.

That's well-put, Jezzer.. and I'm with you all the way. But 'real music' ceased to have anything to do with the charts long ago, and chart sales themselves are virtually meaningless too now. There is no TOTP. It's over. The Facebook campaign is a wistful pipedream. Nothing wrong with that. But the supreme irony is that the track that's been chosen to outwit Cowell's novelty X-Factor nonsense.. is actually a novelty record itself - only masquerading as something that's supposed to be all, like, important and stuff. So the all-round message seems to be "You need a novelty angle and television exposure to sell bucketloads of singles". Whoop-dee-doo.. what's new?

My only complaint is the song choice itself. Someone needs to have a word with Jon Morter's mentor (It was probably Louis). Clearly he believes 'Killing In The Name' to be some sort of polar opposite to Joe McElderry's 'The Climb'. As it happens, they're simply two sides of the same musical dog chod - and given the choice I don't want either of them. That said, if I were pushed, I'd choose the X-Factor single over Rage, because X-Factor has at least given me 50 hours of throwaway cosy winter gogglebox fun, whereas RATM have only mananged three minutes of shouty vegan sweary dreadlocked sulky teenage tedium. No contest. And here's looking forward to X-Factor 2010.

You can't put CUD and NAD in the same box (ie the one in the loft) I'm quite partial to Leggy Mambo (bought only recently again on CD).

giggirl Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > *Bob*, I probably shouldn't ask; I think I might > regret it, but "misguided" how? I bought a few dreadful albums..

I've already got it - A souvenir from my misguided student days. It's in the same box as Ned's Atomic Dustbin.

It's way overpriced

Atila Reincarnate Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- Shoot Cowell, the judges and > contestants, Can I pitch this idea to ITV? I'll cut you in if anything comes of it.

I'd probably watch the auditions, Atila.. you know - where the monks fail to ignite properly (or haven't even bought a match in with them and have to ask Zack for a light!!!). But I'd lost interest after the live shows started.

Simon's done something weird to his face this year. Some sort of procedure. Does anyone read 'Heat'? Perhaps they will know. Fortunately his hair still looks like one of those pretend hairdressing toys where you turn the handle and playdough shoots out of the top. Money can't buy you everything, Simon..

That God you still have those old soul 78's, Atila.

Leave it to the musical egg-heads, Sean. You're way out of your depth on this one.

I suggest everybody gets out there and buys as many copies of Joe Thingy's record as soon as possible. Word on the street is that if Rage win, X-Factor will be dropped from the TV schedules and replaced by a weekly two-hour special consisting of Rage Against The Machine playing their pompous musical toecurler over and over whilst a procession of monks set fire to themselves live on stage.

Conversation at Sainsburys checkout in East Dulwich, London, UK Checkout Girl: "Er.. right, what's that.." (consults identification cards) *Bob*: "It's a carrot".