*Bob*

Well, Piers.. I suppose at least Sue is at least one step-up from wanting to stick your knob in a teapot.

Not if they were 'Consulate'. (punchline omitted)

Good God.. GET A ROOM, you lot.

"He's behind you"

CREEPY, I say. Come on, Mockers.. That's as bad as watching 'Beauty and the Beast' and (rather than wanting to marry Beauty) walking away dreaming of a foursome with the candlestick, clock and teapot.

Fancying a rabbit character (in a supporting role) from Watership Down? Creepy.

Ted Max Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I sort of, you know, I was young... Cruella taps into The Myth Of The Sexy Goth.. so I see where you're coming from there, Ted. It's the same for me with Dot Cotton now.

The voice played a big part. But I just googled it to see who it was and now I've gone and ruined everything.

I'd give the Caramel Bunny one...

mockney piers Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Did you see the old dear at the microphone with > McCain last night saying that Obama's an Ay-Rab, > even McCain was forced to say, no he's a family > guy and a 'citizen', whatever that means. Didn't > deny it though did he. He did say "no", "no Ma'am" and "he's not". Surely this was a denial, even by a politician's standards? I still shure-ly thunk he's a a-rab though, umm-hmmm.

The Sun is still a popular newspaper - despite having its knockers.

Has anyone seen the new 'Sun' campaign?

Come now, Sean.. don't be so coy. Surely you've given six away once or twice?

Pay the Big Issue vendor outside Somerfield twenty quid to bend you over his knee and give you six of the best with a rolled-up copy.

Run into the Irish Shop and urinate on all the penny whistles. Then offer them ?20 - for their trouble.

Buy 21 pork pies from William Rose.. and stick the 5p change up your nose (before you leave the shop)

If you get trapped in a lift with a man who spends the hour shouting "I'M A TOMATO.. I'M A TOMATO.." whilst rolling alternate trouser legs up and down and saluting - then in all probability most people would go home and tell their other half that they got stuck in a lift with a 'nutter'. Whatever. But it would be in poor taste to devote a snigger-thon thread to him on a public website. Especially if he lived on your street.

I think that by 'wonderful non-conformists' she means - to use today's politically correct parlance - 'nutters'

Take off all your clothes off, roll the twenty up and dip it in petrol. Stick it up your arsehole and ignite. Burst into Target Arms and run around in circles, arms outstretched singing the theme from 'Batman'.

ruffers Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- I'm sure the people paying to advertise in > it would be delighted to learn it's not getting > delivered where they say it is... Perhaps the delivery people decided to cut-out the recipient and just put it straight in the bin? Makes sense - saves the rest of us a job.

Glossy pages mean it's not even useful for starting the fire with.

Jules won't let him. She's put her foot down - it's the kids (Poppy Melon, Abercrombie, Fitch and Pukka) she's thinking of.

Streep can't do it. She's tied-up making a CGI-laden sequel to that one where the dingo eats her kid. Worrall-Thompson's in (of course) - reprising his role as the dwarf from Lord of the Rings. And Rhodes will cameo as long as there's no dancing involved. But who can play Jamie.. that's the question.

The casting is giving everyone a real headache. Jamie want Hugh Grant to play the lead, but Hugh won't do it unless his contract stipulates 'no prosthetic bitch tits'.

I rarely leave the house these days. I'm too busy working on my latest project, provisionally entitled 'Jamie Oliver: The Musical'