Ellie78

Argh! Sorry admin - can you move this to family discussion area?! Brain not working

I feel I am constantly up against my son's inability to sleep....Here's another post about me failing to get him to sleep. Anyway, after a relatively good period where I was able to get him to nap twice a day, I feel we're back at square 1. My only method of getting him to sleep seems to be failing - I think he's getting too big for it (not rocket science either, just shush patting in a swaddle). I can no longer get him in a comfortable enough position for him to get sleepy in. Consequence: one tired and grisly 5 month old baby, one frustrated and teary mum. I feel at my wits end tbh _ I never wanted to do controlled crying (always been told that it's dangerous/damaging etc) but I don't feel that I have a choice now, particularly as winter is approaching and I cannot countenance spending hours outside pushing him around in the buggy. We have signed up to sleep training with Millpond, which I'd hoped to start in the new year (as various things happened to make it difficult to commence in November) but tbh I didn't feel I connected with the advisor they gave us and didn't trust her advice, therefore. Seeing as we've already paid (makes me feel the whole thing is a big con really) we kind of have to go down that route or risk feeling complete idiots for giving them the money in the first place. Argh! Don't even know why I'm posting. Just wanting to vent. ARGH!

Seriously? Is bfing recommended until 2! I hadn't heard that before? Thought it was 6 months? Ill be lucky to get to that. I salute you.

Hiya We had same problem.... You can't adjust that bit I don't think... But you can pull out the seat, which solved the same issue I had with it...as it effectively lengthened it, Happy to be told otherwise if anyone out there knows better

Thanks Saffron - interestingly, it looks from this that genetics determine whether breast feeding has an impact on IQ or not, not that there's a uniform benefit...the study also referred to bfing's advantage only over cows milk and 'non supplemented' formulas - so do some formulas contain DHA/AA or whatever those fatty acids were? (incidentally, read it yourself - don't take my word - no bloody study has highlighted the negative impact of having a baby and sleep deprivation on the MOTHER'S IQ or their command of grammar - typical...) ANYWAY - I agree 100% with pretty much everyone else. Some mothers and babies will benefit from bfing, but some won't, in which case, hurray that we have such brilliant formulas around these days. I don't think 'breast is best' adequately describes this reality. And 'breastapo' did make me laugh - it can feel like that. A friend of mine was berated by a health visitor in a bfing cafe for topping up her twins with formula. THAT'S breastapo. The whole 'natural' argument annoys me too - when has bfing ever truly been 'natural', un-civilised, un-socialised?

One of the things that's always confused me - the correlation between breast feeding and IQ... Really? Aren't we just talking social factors here? I mean, aren't the 3%, or whatever it is breast fed babies are, pretty much from the more privileged backgrounds? In which case it doesn't surprise me that IQ SCORE is higher with these children (not that I think they are or aren't more intelligent, just more likely to score higher on IQ tests)...similarly, those who are having music lessons aged 10 etc Someone point me to a study here...Saffron? Is there convincing research re breast feeding and IQ or is it all bunkum?

I mean excessive wind experience & dairy, rather than just aptimil pepti!

Throwing this one out to the wisdom of the forum- My son is 4mo and excessively windy, both ends, still! It disturbs his sleep and we 're up for half the night trying to get it out of him. I made an effort not to eat dairy and we put him on aptimil comfort - hes combination fed- and that seemed to be much better, though not gone. Now it's back big time- have to admit I had a little bit of yoghurt the other day, and within 12 hours he was back to his windy self. Am I kidding myself its dairy related? My partner says he can't possibly be that sensitive but its the only thing that makes sense to me. We bought a tin of aptimil pepti that I'm thinking of trying him on but just wondered what anyone else's experience had been with this.

I recently put a post on the forum (6-7mo son, 1 day per week childcare from January, we're nearer Nunhead than East D)and realised I haven't got a clue as to what to ask when we meet potential childminders. Off the top of my head: Cost, number of other kids looking after, daytime routine, food/bottle etiquette... But then there's some points I'm fuzzy about: first aid - presumably they but to what level?) qualifications - what should I expect? Any other questions I'm missing? (And anyone with recommendations please PM!)

that Ponyo cake is gorgeous!!!!!!! Can you let us know if you're successful - we're gluten free and dairy free this way and I love the ponyo cake

thanks everyone - eventually found their contact details on google - for some reason my laptop didn't come up with the goods but the desktop did (!?). Feel very stupid for asking for something I eventually found on everyone's favourite search engine. ANYWAY. We did it. Their administration is totally rubbish. Wasn't sent the information I needed, was told the wrong time.... BUT - I have to say that going from referral to treatment in eight days I thought was pretty darn good. The practitioners doing the procedure were brilliant, helpful and supportive - but rather overwhelmed with the number of cases. It's amazing the difference already in terms of his feeding. Thank you to the Tongue Tie Clinic (He now has a cold and insanely bad wind, on top of a sore mouth, so no one got much sleep last night - why can't there be a wind clinic, sob.)

They called me on tuesday and said we had an appt for Friday but would confirm that day in text and email, which would also have details of where it is etc No text or email- number was blocked. Annoyingly, person on the phone was convinced that she'd spoken to me the day before and I'd put the phone down on her- er unlikely!- so I'm not sure the right no or email have been used... Anyone have a phone no?

Thanks! I assume btw that he shouldn't be in seated position until he can sit up himself?

Sure... I could...but the seat looks really uncomfortable without anything. Did u lie yours flat then in said bear suit or were they a little older?

Forgot to add- does that also mean he should not be flat if he's using a footmuff?

Thanks oimissus. Did u think about a sheepskin- would that be an option or not. Really annoyed.

... He seems really uncomfortable. The straps don't seem to fit him properly and seem very tight around his bottom even though they're on the longest setting. He's only 12wks! Has reasonably good head control but can't sit up by himself so I don't see how I can use the bee without the cocoon. Help! Anyone else experience this? What did u do?

I just wanted to say a big thanks to everyone who posted with sympathy, offers of help and suggestions. I'm feeling a bit more 'together' now and feel like a quick update might interest people...then again it might not! After asking the GP and the HV twice (EACH) whether tongue tie was an issue - they said no, can't be, as he's putting on weight...yep, you've guessed it...HE HAS TONGUE TIE. Checked and confirmed by the lovely lady at Peckham's breast feeding cafe. Thanjfully she can do the referral to the clinic, which we're doing when we get back in the UK (currently with grandparents, getting some of that grandparent au pair action - thank God), and I don't have to go near the GP - might punch him on the nose. Yes, he did put on weight - at the expense of my sanity and my physical health I think = because I made sure he was fed round the clock and expressed constantly so I could bottle feed him. Grrr. It's a real relief to know that there is a root to his sleep problems - not eating effectively, therefore never full enough to sleep properly. Hopefully the procedure will sort it out, otherwise I might have to consider switching to formula. He is sleeping better, as with the bottle feeding (and other tips frmo the NCT helpline) I'm managing to get more into him...but it's still hard work, which could have been lessened if this issue was spotted and sorted sooner. Anyway, it was really lovely to read all the very insightful and supportive comments on this thread - they always cheered me up. So apologies for not getting back to everyone personally and saying how much you all made the difference.

I'd be interested in the insurance point too- bump!

I just wanted to say thank you for all the supportive messages and posts. EDF-ites, you are all amazing. Saffron - thanks for the pointers to PND. It's a difficult one - I do have massive emotional outbursts; I sobbed uncontrollably at about 10pm last night, but I had been trying to get him to sleep for the previous 5 hours, with all my attempts failing miserably (he had only slept 2 hours since 5 am and I was desperately trying to avoid overtiredness). So I kind of think that these patches are Justified Misery and a natural response rather than anything else, as I still manage to enjoy our time together during the day (when he's not raging). And I think I respond so emotionally to everything because I'm so tired due to his lack of sleeping (I'd be in pieces with the lack of a night's sleep at the best of times). But it's difficult to know where the line is drawn. My boyfriend was certainly worried about me last night (HE hadn't been around most of the evening!). Otherwise, I'm not over hyper (or dozy), nothing unusual is going on in terms of my ability to eat, and (most importantly) I haven't lost interest in, or love for, the most important person in this scenario: my son. Though I have to admit that, at times, I resent the situation. Any advice happily received on this issue - I certainly don't want to miss diagnosing anything like that. Thanks again everyone.

Thanks everyone for your advice and thanks for teh PMs. I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to post back but I've not been able to get to a keyboard in teh interim. We're actually in the process of chatting to a few night nannies so we can make more of an informed decision, based on their processes. I have to say I'm reluctant - it makes me feel like a complete failure to be honest. My son is a challenging baby (none in his antenatal class are like him) but I'm sure people cope with worse, and by themselves too. But, anyway, I'm not coping so we have to sort that somehow. We have tried shushing, swaddling, rocking etc, 'night time', (and thanks for the offer of the Amby alieh - but I think it would confuse him too much in the long run?) but he HATES swaddling with a vengeance and really only responds to the movement of the buggy. My boyfriend is pounding the pavements as we speak (after my unsuccessful attempt to get him to sleep an hour ago the same way - woke up as soon as buggy stopped). [People are STILL telling me to sleep whenn the baby sleeps - HAVE YOU NOT LISTENED!!!!] Unfortunately, today he DOES actually need more milk - I think he's dehydrated, but he drained me dry this afternoon so I'm kind of hoping this break gives me a chance to replenish so I can feed him when he gets back. It makes me sad to think that I can't comfort him, or supply his needs, and I don't want to even start thinking about how uncomfortable he must be. But I need to get over that and do whatever I can I guess. I will happily join the queue of parents who feel completely inadequate in the face of a screaming infant: where is that please? And his rageful cries are still going right through me and shaking my very core. I thought I'd get immune or used to them somehow. Not at all.

Ok- typing this left handed on iPhone so hope it makes sense. A is exclusively bf - good at it and tracking the 50th percentile. He's nearing 10lbs. He cluster feeds quite a bit, I manage to meet that. He will sleep roughly 2-4 hours between 11 and 4 depending, in 2 stretches. After that, forget it. He only sleeps in a moving buggy (bee, so very slightly raised) during the day. I've tried swaddling - once I got him down for 30 mins but that was after an hour of rocking and shushing. Otherwise swaddling incites rage. I havnt noticed any symptoms of reflux. He had bad wind but I think I solved that with gripe, He is horrifically overtired (slept about 2 hours since 6am) and rages but I think he thinks he's hungry. Rocking and shushing tend to make no impact. He will fall asleep on my boyfriend sometimes but we r not cosleeping- too nervous. Thank you so much for ur responses.Helpd so much to know he's not unusual! I got out and about 2 wks after he was born and really worried that I've overstimulated him and established bad associations. .

thanks guys! good advice - we cant really afford it but i am desperate so bit thinking long term. these are great slternatives - still considering it tho... out of interest, when did things get better for you? anything thst tells me this isnt a fundamental of my son's personality would be gratefully received.

We're having real difficulty with Sleep and our 4wk old son - yes, I hear you cry, doesn't everyone. Well, we can't get him to sleep half the nights of the week - he will only sleep in a buggy - and I'm so exhausted I can't function at all. Someone suggested a night nanny to me - I can say that the appeal of a few nights uninterrupted sleep is starting to override issues of frugality but part of me doesn't see the point of it, because the same problem will rear its head after departure of NN (who we could only afford for a few nights, and that would be a real stretch at the moment). I'd be sold if I knew that a NN might educate me/help me establish a better pattern with our son. Has anyone used a NN and found that it helps sort out sleeping issues, or break a bad cycle? Or will it just get me some kip? Shall I just wait it out and hope that he gets better....

I know it's boring but do you think JL vouchers are out? If they're buying their first home, they might come in really really useful. I'm not married (so can't advise you as to gifts) but when we discovered we were having a baby we 'let it be known' that JL vouchers would be most welcome for Christmas and bdays etc. Actually, very few people obliged (dammit! but we hadn't announced it by Christmas) but the ones we did manage to amass really helped us get what we wanted and get a few nice things that otherwise we wouldn't have been able to afford. They were really really handy. Art, for me, would be out - I doubt anyone would get me something I actually liked, and I doubt my ability to get something that would sync with my friend's tastes (as you don't know exactly what they're going to be going for in their new home). But, having said that, my friend received some really nice photographs of the area they got married in (abroad) which went down a treat - that might be an idea? A really funky, framed photo of Vegas?