mumum

It is very bad luck to be in a nannyshare on a Monday, because as you point out, most bank holidays fall on a Monday, and especially if you only have two days a week. Then if bank holidays are on top of holidays, you end up with not very many days childcare and lots to pay for, compared to the other families with the Wednesdays and Thursdays! We had this problem too for one of the families we shared with. But because work for all families was slightly flexible, we worked out a way to share the bummer Mondays, in a mixture of trading a couple of days, and also dividing up the number of bank holidays between us, and all paying towards them.

thanks ladies, I already feel much better. That is a good idea to prepare all clothes and organize easy recipes and precooked food for Daddy to do. Just hope he doesn?t rebel and start cooking his own recipes (disaster!), or tries to find our daughters socks himself and calls me to rant about how disorganized our daughters wardrobe or any other cupboard in the house is. Which obviously is my sole responsibility. It is nice to think of it as a great bonding opportunity for them, I am really looking forward to my trip now. Will also make sure the cleaner comes the day I return, so I don?t come back to a bomb site, hehe. But poor Daddy does surprise me with hidden superDad capacities, so who knows what can happen in 4 days!

i am going on a work trip for 4 days and feel very freaked out. I have previously only left my child for 24 hours on about 3 occations, and she is now 2.5 years old. She was fine obviously. But when I have travelled alone with her to visit family, usually for a week, she desperately misses her Daddy and screams heartbreakingly for him. Not necessarily on the first night, but for a few nights down the line. Just wondering how poor Daddy will cope with her, if she starts screaming for me, just thinking it will traumatize them both. I have no option but to go, and would love to go, as I have previously cancelled an important work trip due to my separation fear, making up excuses, and have had to juggle work in an awkward way as a result. Anyone been out and back and can give me some reassurance?

thanks, these are very useful ideas, will try restricting dummy to bed only, and start the coins and the repetition of that dummies are for babies. I found for potty training, repeating myself constantly about it worked really well. I don?t really think dummies lead to heroin addiction, but the dummy does seem to me like an addiction, judging from my daughters "withdrawal" symptoms. I am worried mostly about my daughters teeth though, as she has the dummy in her mouth pretty much all night and she wakes up with really bad breath! I brush her teeth and boil the dummy, but still it?s disgusting.

our 2 year old has always had a dummy for sleeping mainly, but also for comfort in the car and sometimes buggy. I'd like her to quit, but find it so hard. I thought maybe she could give santa the dummy and be distracted by all her presents, but she just went completely hysterical and screamed for hours when she didn't get her dummy at night, so I gave in (santa had forgotten to take one dummy, luckily). Should I just bin the dummy and leave her to scream, is this normal? Will she become a heroin addict or chain smoker? Anyone have any tips?

oh helena, I didnt get any diamonds, help, dinners or even a shower. Maybe that is why I spent the first months doing frustrated internet shopping, as I still had full pay for a few months. I spent a fortune on babyclothes that baby grew out of, I should just have bought myself some diamonds instead! I never expected a present though, and I think if my husband had given me a little ring with pink diamonds, I would have thought he was bonkers. Birth is such an extreme experience, that I think even a diamond ring seems like an twee insult. A present for "having a tough time" giving birth should be more like a whole tropical island or the Empire State Building, or a mansion in the middle of Dulwich Park. Yes, I will tell my husband that.

exactly! happy mom equals happy child, whether it is baking cookies or working or snowboarding. You actually already have a job: being a mom! It is really hard to leave your child to start, and if you aren?t forced to work in order for your family to survive, you have to be quite passionate about your job to do it, and then it feels totally selfish. There is nothing you "SHOULD" do, but why not try something? Otherwise you?ll never know. Even if you start working and aren?t happy, you can quit, but it might be great once you get there. I?ve recently downgraded to being a freelancer from working quite a lot in my daughters first few years. It?s less stressful and I have more time being a mom. But it is also boring and lonely, and I feel like I?ve let down the feminists (I am one) on the barricades, and my own hard work. It?s not a rational decision (death of my career), but an emotional one. My child was fine when I was working more before, as we had a great nanny whom I also learnt a lot from, but I felt it was me who was missing out. I enjoy being a mom and I feel fortunate now to have a way to work around what will soon become school hours. And when school starts, it should become easier with flexible childcare in after-school clubs if I get really busy.

more countries...in Denmark you start school when you are 6 or 7, before that you can optionally go to kindergarten for a year, so the age range between the children can be up to 2 years in one class. I think the parents decide if the child is mature enough to start, maybe with advice from the kindergarten. Then after 9 years of primary school, you can do an optional 10th year before going on to high school, to catch up, if you are not mature enough. Not sure if the Danish school system is very good though, just another way of doing it. In Sweden they don?t even start school until 7 and nobody is expected to be able to read before this. I think the British schools seem amazing, but this August cut off thing is a bit of a flaw.

where can I read this review of the August born children, and please what are the disadvantages, doesn?t it level out in a few years? My child is also August born. Do I really need to think now that my daughter will live a life of odds stacked against her? I?m busy enough worrying about swine flu!

You have to contact the identity and passport service office in writing, but their number is 01514714481, general register office, po box 476, Southport, Merseyside, PR8 2WJ. Prepare yourself for a nightmare that will take a long time. On our daughters birth certificate, my surname was spelled wrong (in 3 different ways in the long version of the birth certificate!) and they made on of her middle names a surname. I was too tired to notice when I was in the office with my 6 week old screaming child on my own, and only noticed after the paper was handed to me (still in the office) but then they wouldn't change it there and then for me, and I have had to spend about a year getting it fixed. You may also need a solicitor to sign a form. You should be able to change your childs name, lots of people change their names.

I don?t understand this article. Is it saying that the girls of today and future?s women should choose different careers, like being a stewardess instead of being a lawyer, so they can have less work pressure, not kill themselves and be better mothers? Are the girls performing too well at school and too clued up for their own good? I am not sure if I am in a timewarp from the 50?s here or what. The logic surely is that if the boys are so clueless, why not teach the boys a lesson about the responsibilities of parenthood and a bit of basic hoovering then? From a young age, please! That will put everything back on track and hopefully in the future women in the UK won?t feel so stressed out. Parenting is both mom and dads job! I am a working mom and the whole debate about SAHM moms and working moms in this country has undermined my confidence so much and given me so much stress in itself about being a bad mom, and bad worker, and an unfeminine scruffy potato who never has a shower, and it makes me wonder why no man has to endure all this? When a woman becomes a mother, a man becomes a Dad surely. After much thought and taking a long break with my child, I don?t necessarily think it is the answer for her that I totally give up work and sacrifice my visions. You can't just take someone?s dream away, including mothers, they are still valid humans with ideas in their heads. Visiting Scandinavia, I am ashamed of how backward the UK seems. In Scandinavian countries, people leave work around 4. The men too. If you work later than that, you have to be paid overtime, so a lateworking person seems wastefull and would be very unpopular with the boss. People just manage their time at work much better, and as a working mom, I know for sure, you can do the same amount of work in 4 shortish days as in 5 long days. In Sweden f.ex., you get one year full paid maternity leave, that you can use at any point while the child is growing up, plus the dad gets several months only allocated for him (his choice if he wants to take it). After that you pay about 100? a month for full time childcare, and you can use as little or much of it as you want(in a clean lovely nursery with lovely outdoor space). There is no debate whatsoever about if mom should work or not. All women go back to work, admittedly a lot of them change their careers to work less hours, but they still get to benefit from having a life outside their house and earning an income. And the man benefits from not having to carry the responsibility of feeding his family solely on his shoulders, and can spend more time with the kids too. Children need their Dad around too. I can add that the Scandinavian countries are doing well in the recession with very low unemployment rates at least in Denmark. So instead of critizising each others ambitions whatever they are, to work or stay at home, it would be much better first of all to critizise the appaling working conditions in the UK for both men and women, with kids or not. It is also important to respect different people?s life choices, as in if someone can afford and chooses not to work, regardless if that person is a mother or not, that is totally understandable!

I would love to hear from someone who stays at home too! I looked at the timeforparenting website and was really freaked out. Considering quitting my job (I do that quite often even though I love it so much)! There is a book review about how working moms are little more than evening babysitters for their children. Maybe this is true? I would love it if my husband could look after our child a day or two a week, that would make me a lot less guilty about work, but his job doesn?t allow for that. I just wonder if it is really so bad if a child grows to love someone as well as their parents, if they are loving people, even though they are paid (like a nanny or childminder?) In the old days, children were raised by big family groups, and loved many people, not just mommy. If I was a a stay at home mom and found peace with this lifestyle, I would probably be a lot less like Woody Allen though. I would be a totally better mom, and would brush my childs hair twice a day, instead of just chopping off the knotty tangles when they appear (don?t tell my nanny or social services). But I spend every minute I am not working with my daughter and we just skip things which seem "unimportant" (I do brush her teeth). I still think it is a total tragedy, that women who really want to work part time should have to stay at home or work more than they want, when they are such resourceful people. But then, if I didn?t absolutely love my job, I don?t think I would put myself through all this hassle. Smiler: keep whinging! Maybe we should start another post ranting about husbands and a separate one for bosses, but that would probably be an even worse can of worms, so let?s not open that, it?s not like any dads are online in an existential debate about work and parenthood, they are just checking out sports or slightly similar!

yes, thanks, this is a great thread! I am really inspired to find so many others in the same old pickle (not that I wish stressful juggling on anyone). It seems most moms find a way to work part time if they can, and a few, most often with flexible partners or family around manage the full time. I always thought I would go back fulltime, but now I doubt I will, can?t see how it will get easier when school starts or if a second child should pop up. It is really sad moms have to tiptoe around an employer to ask for flexible time, when most moms are probably very effective and organized, and will get the job done in fewer hours anyway. For me the worst problem has been the guilt, but I also think a child can benefit from the other people they have to bond with and a working mom role model. I have a lot more patience with my child if I am content, and part of that (sad but true) is working on something I love and achieving work things. Working is such a breeze compared to looking after kids and is kind of worth the juggling, what is difficult seems finding the right ratio and supportive environment!

I started working part time in the afternoons at home when my baby was 6 months (I did a little work earlier too). I went to 3 days a week when she was one, and then 4 days when she was about 15 months. Only at 4 days a week do I earn enough to make a real financial difference after paying the nanny. But 4 days a weeks is basically doing a full time job in less hours and for less money and still getting dirty looks at work. Maybe deservedly, as I rarely stay much later than 4, but I still get my work done well and manage my own projects. It is a great pity, that working hours and companies often can?t be more family friendly. It is sad, that as a mother, you may feel marginalized or have to invent your own hermit job just because people can?t stomach that you leave at a certain hour. I am cutting down to 3 days a week, and will probably go freelance to fit school hours later. There are moms that can cope with full time jobs and 10 kids, but everyone has their own limits and priorities. I am starting to listen to my moms advice which is: You can do anything you want, just maybe not all at the same time. (cringe!) Good luck with your mulling!