The way I see it, talking is one of the ways we process painful experiences, particularly things like losing a loved one where there isn't a solution, and turn them into something else that we can live with. Whether it's a counsellor, a doctor, a priest, a phoneline or a wise friend, it's about finding someone who's strong enough to just sit with you while you do that. I hope you can find the energy to take the next step and contact one of the specialist organisations people have suggested so you can get the support you need.