Vangough

I Author and Rosemead parent Vanessa Potter talks about the times in life when things don?t go to plan ? and what we can do when that happens. In 2012 Vanessa found herself suddenly blind and paralysed, struck down by a rare illness. She explains how, with the help of neuroscientists at Cambridge University, she uncovered the science of her lost sight and made discoveries that positively changed the course of her life. We are delighted to have this event supported by local delight, Thai Duck Deli, who are cooking their ever-popular Thai vegetarian curry for all attendees. Food, wine and soft drinks included in the ticket price.?10 70 Thurlow Park road, SE218HZ https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/rosemead-lates-vanessa-potter-tickets-73931760887

can't recommend these guys enough...http://www.happydaysrv.co.uk/ we took 2 families to 'camp' in old renovated American airstreams....kids absolutely loved it, and it was cold and raining !!

I am trying to find a pre-school that I can send my little boy to when he turns 2 next year. I don't want a private nursery as he has a childminder already so we have F/T childcare sorted. I just want to send him to a local (SE21) pre-school that will let him play/interact with other kids for perhaps 2 morning sessions a week. Any recommends? I can only find Dunelm pre-school?

Hi, I'm looking to meet a few more Mums in my area...I'm up the hill in Crystal Palace ! Does anyone fancy a walk and coffee in the park here (the park play area has been re-done and is fab now for toddlers) I'm 38, on maternity leave, and I have a 2.5 yr old (very) active daughter and a 6 week old son. Going slightly mad. I have a small group of friends with kids but none are walking-distance-local and I'm sick of getting the car out ! Let me know if you are interested.

Well it is not Diastasis......I did lots of research on the subject and my symptoms did not match accurately enough so I insisted on a 2nd opinion. It is an umbilical hernia. The ante-natal Obs didn't have any real advice for me but agreed with all the research and splinting methods I have searched out on the internet. DIY Ante-natal care it would seem !!! hey ho, so I am looking at wearing a doubled over tuba-grip bandage in a birth pool at home, with my hubby sitting behind me manually splinting my tummy so the hernia doesn't pop out !!! God, I need a sense of humour. Fingers crossed !!

I have Diastasis Recti diagnosed at 38 weeks (2nd child) which means my central abdominal muscles are pulling apart. It is very, very painful and completely restricts what movement I can do. I am banned from driving or any kind of lifting/bending by my Physio. I am wearing a tubagrip bandage around my tummy which takes away alot of the pain however it does minimise my movement and restricts my breathing a bit. The Physio can only really help me once bubba is born...but I want to hear from any Mums who had this diagnosis pre-birth as I see alot of my plans flying out of the window. I now cannot use any of my yoga birth positions and will have to wear a bandage during labour or I will be in too much pain to do anything. I'm customising my 'bandage' to make it smaller and wear it single (rather than double) which although means I will feel some of the tummy pain again, will give me more movement. Sadly my Physio said there is nothing she can do and to 'manage' however I can ! I want a homebirth in a pool and really, really don't want to end up in hospital purely because of this condition. Does anyone have any previous experience of this? Any top tips??

Sophie, I would have loved to come along again (providing bubba no 2 hasn't arrived by then) however I can no longer drive on Physio orders as my tummy muscles have given up the ghost and pulled apart....exceedingly painful I can tell you. Hey ho so I am a little housebound. Have a lovely time and maybe in May I will be there with a good homebirth story to tell. V.

Yeah it was good to meet up - I will diary the 16th and hope my little 'un doesn't make an early arrival !

Hi Sophie, I would also love to come - it might help make the decision for me ! I had my first at hospital and currently deliberating with my 2nd due end April. I really want a water birth so anyone who has experienced one, can I pick your brains please !? I have all sorts of practical yet silly questions about floorboards and hosepipes :) Thanks Vanessa

Definitely avoid this bug - my little one ended up in A&E very dehydrated from vomiting and diarrhoea. I used sanitising gel religiously and managed to avoid it, even being pregnant with no immune system ! so gels do work. Also top tip from the nurse in A&E, use half a sachet of Dioryloyte each time in 100ml of water (with cordial if they hate the taste) as after a few hours it stops working so using it in half doses makes it more effective.

Hi thanks, yes I think distance is a problem - neither of the 2 schools closest to us said we were even within their catchment either (we're about 0.4m from both) which is crazy because we have to apply to some schools ! As I say though, both schools have slipped down the league tables again and aren't even near the national average (I know that isn't everything, but I'd like a school that is near-ish national average standards) When I called up Croydon Council I was told 'don't worry, you'll get a school place' but at a school that is about a 45 min car journey from our house ! That is insane, I worked out with school drops off I wouldn't get into work until after 10.30am ! I think this is alot to do with our location, we're right at the edge of Croydon borough so some schools in Bromley and Southwark/Lambeth are actually closer to us. It's all very confusing. I've been told we can apply to each of the different boroughs though and go on distance...? Has anyone else done that? The other thing is the reason I have ear-marked this other school is because it is closest to our childminder (although I know we can't use her address). We couldn't find an immediately local childminder who would take our child past 5.30pm ! (useless for those of us who work full time but are not teachers ;)) so we ended up finding a (great) childminder 1.2 miles from us - right next to this school who cares for our daughter until 7pm. If we got offered a place at the schools down our road then we would have to give up our childminder who our DD knows and loves. This fills me with dread as over a period of several months I contacted about 40-50 childminders/nanny-shares/mother's helps etc last time to find childcare anywhere in my area and failed miserably. This is so stressful already :'( probably shouldn't be thinking about it !

Thought I would update on where all my research (and complaining to the 'powers that be') got me in the end. I have now transferred my care from Kings to the Crocus team running out of Mayday. We were going to go privately through The Birth Centre at Tooting however backed out of this when it was (fully) explained that as of April they will no longer offer continuous care with an allocated midwife (unless you pay ALOT more) as they are changing their pricing policy. This was not explained when we went to see them...something they have since apologised about. I have now met the midwife I have been allocated via Crocus and like her alot (she's said yes to every 'request' of mine so far !) she even visits me at home ! She will be with me from now, during the birth and post natally. Phew. How ironic that even going privately wouldn't have given me this level of care. So, the moral of the story is complain like mad when something goes wrong, and stick to your guns !! I have to say although Kings let me down last time they have apologised and have actually been quite helpful in suggesting alternative options. Fingers crossed I can report back in a few months and say it all went brilliantly second time around!

We aren't quite at the school application time yet (just starting nursery) but as both our local schools slipped down the league tables (again) I am getting worried we'll just get made to send our daughter to one. The other local schools are apparently well out of catchment for us (I've already called them all) I have heard of parents taking places then waiting on lists to actually get their child into another school - can you do this if you're out of the 'official' catchment areas? Does a school have to offer a place to anyone that applies ? (the school I'd like is about 1.2 miles from our home) Advice greatly appreciated !

Can I ask a question here !? I go on maternity leave very soon (next week) and don't intend to return (they don't know that yet though) when I 'resign' officially (at either 9 or 12 months, not sure yet) do I then get paid the annual leave I will have accrued??

I would highly recommend the Ante natal Aqua class at Crystal Palace Sports centre, just up the hill from SE22....I went to it during my last pregnancy and it was wonderful - 6pm (I think) on Mondays, @ ?5.60.

I would suggest the possiblity of changing from a nursery to a childminder. I often work until late, as does my husband (my employer isn't interested in considering flexible working hours !) but our childminder will keep our daughter until 7.30pm if necessary - so she has had dinner, a bath and is ready in PJs when we collect. Obviously it's not great that it is sometimes this late in the eve, but at least her routine is kept normal and not rushed. If we do get home earlier (which I always try and do) then as bath/food etc is all out of the way any time we get is 'play' and book reading etc & feels much more quality time. My big life aim is to stop working FT though !!

Blimey this is all terrifying, I had the swine flu jab at @ 18 weeks pregnant (under huge pressure from my GP as I commute to central london every day) but now I wonder if I should have done !!!! when everyone talks of 'risks' - what exactly are these?

sb http://www.birthcentre.com/ check them out - they have graduated fees depending on when you start ante-natal care with them. It is pricey though !

Thanks Squiggles, I have spoken to independent midwives but as they have no legal jurisdiction or intervention power at Kings they could not stop me being left in a corridor or toilet for hours on end either....although I rather think they would shout about it ALOT louder than I was capable of at the time ! Trouble is because of what happened last time I need cast iron guarantees this time and at the moment the only option that gives me that is the Birth Centre, and I have to pay :'( So its good to hear yet another great report on the Birth Centre ! R&A - I think you should write to PALS if you feel strongly about what happened to you and your baby. Not being able to breastfeed is very distressing for all concerned. Certainly my complaints were taken seriously so I hope they listen to you. Good luck.

I think that is very true Pickle - it is mainly the bad stories that get talked about, because they are so traumatic. Of course there are good stores - and that goes for all hospitals. However what I would say is that of the good stories I have heard (regarding Kings) most of them were when women were accompanied by their nominated midwife booked via Oakwood or the Lanes etc. My friend who gave birth there (baby no 2) a week ago was registerd with Paxon Green and found herself scared and concerned as the care was disorganised and chaotic, until her nominated midwife turned up and sorted everyone out. Having said that I have always said that the ante-natal care by the senographers and ante-natal consultants at Kings is fantastic. Also I did have one good midwife for a short time during my experience (even if she did keep leaving me) it's just that that got over-shadowed by the rest of the experience. Actually I love hearing good stories as that is what I aspire to next time !

Good luck ClareC, hope all goes well for you, I'd love to hear how things go. I think you're right, confidence is a major part in all of this.

Do you mind me asking where you have booked into as an alternative hospital?

Yes you do have to stamp your feet alot via the NHS, & that is hugely counteractive when you are trying to stay calm and ride painful contractions. A Labour ward should not be an emotional or political battleground, it should be a safe, comforting place for women to deliver their babies. Really, these are the basic requirements. I think there is a very strong argument for a home birth these days - the ultimate safe place. Funny how we have reverted back to how it was done 100 years ago ! Sadly some midwives do leave you in the middle of labour (I was left whilst pushing - NOT good when things start to go wrong!) and I have heard other women opted for epidurals simply because they were frightened and felt unsupported by either dismissive or incompetent midwives. Ultimately so much of this comes down to trust. If you trust your midwife, and can communicate with them on an equal level then you feel empowered & supported. Hardly surprising then that those births tend to be a more positive experience. I look forward to meeting and getting to know one of these amazing midwives I keep hearing of - I know they are out there !!

Pebbles, I hear what you are saying, and as I am still fact finding I will consider any option right now. I haven't discounted a home birth but I had complications last time (even though it was a natural birth) that may preclude me. I will investigate. Very interested to hear you can 'do deals' with the Tooting birth centre ! I'd love to hear more on that (if you don't mind can I PM you Mellors?) I too have liked Caroline's attitude so far speaking to her on the phone. The latest news is all my foot stamping also gave me a call today from a lovely lady at 'Crocus' - the midwife led practise via Mayday. I hadn't been told anything about them until I complained ! We are going to chat again later this week. She said if I want, I can be allocated my own midwife now who will do all my ante-natal checks, get to know me (I cried at that bit) would deliver me, and take me through to post natal care too. She promised all her midwives were lovely too. This of course would mean transfering my booking from Kings to Mayday though. But it is another option to seriously consider. So, the moral of this story is COMPLAIN. I know far more now I have talked to hospital senior management, and at last feel I might have some control over what happens this time around. There is a huge miscommunication between the PCTs and local surgeries, I know more than my local doctor does about what midwife care is available to me. Surely offering advice should be part of their remit? otherwise how do you find out about it? For the last 2 years I have also thought 'this is just how it is on the NHS' - but it is not, nor should it be. Care is inconsistent and was in my case, non-existent, and this is just not acceptable. The more women that hilight this, the more the NHS have to recognise it and do something about it. It also makes you feel alot better ! Thank you everyone for your help and tips, they may not be a magic wand but I feel alot more informed now than I did a few days ago.

Best tip is slowly restrict the dummy to bedtime only (a 2 yr old will understand this) ours actually liked to be 'grown-up' and only have it at night time. We dreaded the day when we'd get rid of it altogether though. We made a big deal of her getting a 'big girl's bed' instead of her cot when we were switching over sleeping arrangements and that would mean no dummy in the proper bed. She totally bought it. Never asked for it again !