jenren

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Gimme, just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Sorry, lenk, but pretty sure you brought up Foxton's. I love the london foxes, they make me smile when I see them swagger down the road. But I don't have a cat.

lenk, won't assume you are a homeowner of a property bought more than five years ago, but if you are....... I just know it has crossed your mind that the property value hikes in ED have likely tripled said property, so...... Foxton's and the city types with sprogs have actually created a healthy retirement fund for those who have been around for a while. I'm not currently a property owner, but I certainly wish I had bought a four bed terrace for ?200,000 five years ago!

......because you don't feel gross enough already.....

Okay, just had a look at the hands-free bra, and it's brilliant! I had to hold the bloody things, one in each hand, for 45 min at a time every four hours. To this day I'm haunted by the sound of that pump.....whi-wha-whi-wha-whi-wha *screams with fists in the air* Oh yeah, any dignity you might have had left in pregnancy is GONE the minute they arrive. Might as well know that instead of being shocked by it like I was.

I had a lot of pain, mostly sciatica, and mostly on my left side (and still in my left hip, three years later!) Once while in Paris had an incredibly bad bed and probably was the only time they had someone call room service for "as many extra pillows as you can possibly find", which I then slept on. At home I had a body pillow, sent straight from the gods. It basically became my new husband for a while. I wouldn't have survived without it! That said, between getting up to pee every two hours, pain, and those weird pregnancy nightmares, I was exhausted before my son was even born. Mother Nature sure got that one wrong.

Oh boy, this certainly has become a bit, odd? No tension intended. I don't believe in laws against taking pictures either. I spent years on amateur photography and loved it. But even then I had the sense to approach children differently. I absolutely support any photographer's right to public visual interest. What I was trying to say (badly, agreed ) is that if he was doing nothing wrong than perhaps sneaking (maybe? juries still out on that one) photos of individual children in a park setting is bound to raise a few eyebrows, especially with parents, who, admittedly ,spend every minute of our lives with a nervous twitch). If I was sitting by myself and a stranger walked up to me and discreetly took a photo I'd feel kind of the same way (without the 'get away from my child, creep! thing we tend to do. Yes I do get it :)

Sorry annaj, I didn't mean you. There just seemed to be a run of threads by several people that took a definite "f*&k you jenren!" tone. I was childless for a very long time, but it never occurred to me that I could or should really understand what it felt like. I didn't feel patronized, it just is what it is. I guess because I have experience on both sides (which actually is what perspective is) I forget to clarify that I understand and can consider both sides. Didn't feel that here today.

We do need to have things put into perspective, fair enough. But look at how distorted and personal the threads against me became for suggesting that parenting might be a bit different than it looks from the outside. Is that perspective?

Lenk, you're on fire! That cafe would be fantastic as you describe it! I'm with you on that one, just because I'm one of those mothers with the toddler and ridiculous buggy shoving my way through the cafe doesn't mean I don't know it's much more fun your way. Maybe after 6?

Oh lenk, I know! :)

Peckham Rose, I never once mentioned my child being biological, so why put words in my mouth? I said mother bear instinct, which I know an adoptive parent is just as likely to understand. And how do you even know I have a womb, or at least one that works? Any more assumptions about the circumstances of my parenthood you would like to publicly make? And I made no judgements about anyone's parenting status, not my business. What I did say is that parents (I did not specify what kind!) would understand. We have to make judgements like this a hundred times a day and it never gets easier. I was a schoolteacher for ten years before I became a parent, so yes I do understand what it is like to care for, nurture and worry about other people's children, but it's NOT the same. What I did say, is that parental fear can only really be understood by a parent, adopted, foster, step-parent or otherwise. Annaj, one morning not long ago I woke up and went downstairs to find my front door wide open and evidence that someone had been through my house. In what felt like the longest eight seconds of my life, I raced up three flights of stairs with more gripping fear and anguish than I ever thought possible, only to find my son in his room safe and happy. This is not a fear or feeling that can be replicated or "imagined". There is no way to articulate it, it must be felt. So please, when I get "irrational" remember that my job is to protect my son. Nobody is more aware than I am that if I get it wrong and something does happen, I will have myself to blame. If I have to get called hysterical in the process I consider a small price. I absolutely do not believe that recreational photographers should have their rights questioned, nor do I believe it to be a police matter when I have a "bad feeling". I understood the original message to be a warning to be a little more vigilant with our children and strangers. I misread.

Never mind. Thought a different perspective might be of value but was wrong. Won't happen again.

Peckham Rose, I'm not sure why the question "do you have children" made you so defensive. It's a valid question. There are things I understand now that I just couldn't have known before my son came along, mainly a deep, constant mother bear type instinct to protect my child. And the constant fear of something bad happening to him. Often it's not rational, most of us know that. But whenever there is even a whiff of threat against children all parents quietly nod in recognition of that awful little "what if?" knot we get in our guts. And no, I had absolutely nothing to compare it to before I was a parent. The photography may be innocent, or it could easily end up on some horrible website, who knows? But this society can only function if we respect both our rights AND our responsibilities. We all have a responsibility to our broader community to make it comfortable for everyone....... so I won't take my tired cranky son to a restaurant and in return hopefully most people won't challenge my sense of security by pushing the limits of personal space (including my right to not have my child's image on someone's "photography" webpage). There's nothing I can do about it except hope that the other person can appreciate and respect my feelings. Frankly, I'm certain that there are more dirty old men than reportage photographers lurking around our parks.