jenren

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Gimme, just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Sorry, lenk, but pretty sure you brought up Foxton's. I love the london foxes, they make me smile when I see them swagger down the road. But I don't have a cat.

lenk, won't assume you are a homeowner of a property bought more than five years ago, but if you are....... I just know it has crossed your mind that the property value hikes in ED have likely tripled said property, so...... Foxton's and the city types with sprogs have actually created a healthy retirement fund for those who have been around for a while. I'm not currently a property owner, but I certainly wish I had bought a four bed terrace for ?200,000 five years ago!

......because you don't feel gross enough already.....

Okay, just had a look at the hands-free bra, and it's brilliant! I had to hold the bloody things, one in each hand, for 45 min at a time every four hours. To this day I'm haunted by the sound of that pump.....whi-wha-whi-wha-whi-wha *screams with fists in the air* Oh yeah, any dignity you might have had left in pregnancy is GONE the minute they arrive. Might as well know that instead of being shocked by it like I was.

I had a lot of pain, mostly sciatica, and mostly on my left side (and still in my left hip, three years later!) Once while in Paris had an incredibly bad bed and probably was the only time they had someone call room service for "as many extra pillows as you can possibly find", which I then slept on. At home I had a body pillow, sent straight from the gods. It basically became my new husband for a while. I wouldn't have survived without it! That said, between getting up to pee every two hours, pain, and those weird pregnancy nightmares, I was exhausted before my son was even born. Mother Nature sure got that one wrong.

Oh boy, this certainly has become a bit, odd? No tension intended. I don't believe in laws against taking pictures either. I spent years on amateur photography and loved it. But even then I had the sense to approach children differently. I absolutely support any photographer's right to public visual interest. What I was trying to say (badly, agreed ) is that if he was doing nothing wrong than perhaps sneaking (maybe? juries still out on that one) photos of individual children in a park setting is bound to raise a few eyebrows, especially with parents, who, admittedly ,spend every minute of our lives with a nervous twitch). If I was sitting by myself and a stranger walked up to me and discreetly took a photo I'd feel kind of the same way (without the 'get away from my child, creep! thing we tend to do. Yes I do get it :)

Sorry annaj, I didn't mean you. There just seemed to be a run of threads by several people that took a definite "f*&k you jenren!" tone. I was childless for a very long time, but it never occurred to me that I could or should really understand what it felt like. I didn't feel patronized, it just is what it is. I guess because I have experience on both sides (which actually is what perspective is) I forget to clarify that I understand and can consider both sides. Didn't feel that here today.

We do need to have things put into perspective, fair enough. But look at how distorted and personal the threads against me became for suggesting that parenting might be a bit different than it looks from the outside. Is that perspective?

Lenk, you're on fire! That cafe would be fantastic as you describe it! I'm with you on that one, just because I'm one of those mothers with the toddler and ridiculous buggy shoving my way through the cafe doesn't mean I don't know it's much more fun your way. Maybe after 6?

Oh lenk, I know! :)

Peckham Rose, I never once mentioned my child being biological, so why put words in my mouth? I said mother bear instinct, which I know an adoptive parent is just as likely to understand. And how do you even know I have a womb, or at least one that works? Any more assumptions about the circumstances of my parenthood you would like to publicly make? And I made no judgements about anyone's parenting status, not my business. What I did say is that parents (I did not specify what kind!) would understand. We have to make judgements like this a hundred times a day and it never gets easier. I was a schoolteacher for ten years before I became a parent, so yes I do understand what it is like to care for, nurture and worry about other people's children, but it's NOT the same. What I did say, is that parental fear can only really be understood by a parent, adopted, foster, step-parent or otherwise. Annaj, one morning not long ago I woke up and went downstairs to find my front door wide open and evidence that someone had been through my house. In what felt like the longest eight seconds of my life, I raced up three flights of stairs with more gripping fear and anguish than I ever thought possible, only to find my son in his room safe and happy. This is not a fear or feeling that can be replicated or "imagined". There is no way to articulate it, it must be felt. So please, when I get "irrational" remember that my job is to protect my son. Nobody is more aware than I am that if I get it wrong and something does happen, I will have myself to blame. If I have to get called hysterical in the process I consider a small price. I absolutely do not believe that recreational photographers should have their rights questioned, nor do I believe it to be a police matter when I have a "bad feeling". I understood the original message to be a warning to be a little more vigilant with our children and strangers. I misread.

Never mind. Thought a different perspective might be of value but was wrong. Won't happen again.

Peckham Rose, I'm not sure why the question "do you have children" made you so defensive. It's a valid question. There are things I understand now that I just couldn't have known before my son came along, mainly a deep, constant mother bear type instinct to protect my child. And the constant fear of something bad happening to him. Often it's not rational, most of us know that. But whenever there is even a whiff of threat against children all parents quietly nod in recognition of that awful little "what if?" knot we get in our guts. And no, I had absolutely nothing to compare it to before I was a parent. The photography may be innocent, or it could easily end up on some horrible website, who knows? But this society can only function if we respect both our rights AND our responsibilities. We all have a responsibility to our broader community to make it comfortable for everyone....... so I won't take my tired cranky son to a restaurant and in return hopefully most people won't challenge my sense of security by pushing the limits of personal space (including my right to not have my child's image on someone's "photography" webpage). There's nothing I can do about it except hope that the other person can appreciate and respect my feelings. Frankly, I'm certain that there are more dirty old men than reportage photographers lurking around our parks.

I remember going out in public one day by myself (rare) and realized that I looked like complete sh*t, which was a normal everyday thing, except without a buggy in front of me I was no longer a new mom with an excuse....... just a random woman who looked like sh*t! Some women seem to bounce back really quickly, but I was shocked at how quickly and dramatically I had "let myself go". Bad hair (with bad roots), furry eyebrows, black circles under my eyes (I averaged about 3-4 hrs sleep /night, for EIGHT months... yep you heard it!) My clothes didn't fit because I was so fat and my boobs were massive, and even my shoes didn't fit anymore so I wandered around in these awful slip on things. But one day I got sleep..... then a cut and colour, then the weight came off and it's all just a bad dream :) Except the circles under the eyes, they're a gift from my son. Biggest important advice I can give though is to allow yourself to defend your needs and know when something isn't working. I had terrible breastfeeding issues but was so pressured from every direction that plodded on, pumping around the clock (even after 4 am feeds) while at the same time developing huge guilt and eventually a terrible case of depression and self loathing because it wasn't working. I remember crying after an hour of pumping to end up with ONE ounce of milk. This "sisterhood" of well meaning people can often do an incredible amount of damage to a fragile new mom and need to be more supportive to those who don't fit into the idealized version of motherhood. I too wanted to do all the things that seemed normal to others, but it didn't work out that way and rather than be supported I felt very defensive and vulnerable, and like I said earlier, disappointed with myself (if only you tried harder! you must be a terrible mother! look at you, you're a mess!) It should have been a beautiful time but the politics of motherhood crushed me. Now I am back to normal (with a few war wounds :) ) but with a clear mind and hindsight am furious that anyone felt it was okay to diminish my experience. I would be a much stronger advocate for myself if I were to do it again. Everybody has advice, but nobody has had YOUR experience and you are entitled to do what you need to do. I have to admit that when I see threads for "breastfeeders" and such there is still a part of me that goes week and the most basic "us (good) vs. you (bad)" feeling , which I really do believe is unintentional but reiterates what a struggling new mom already feels. I also had a SCHEDULED c-section, which I won't degrade myself by defending but firmly believe it was the right choice to make for my son. If I could have a penny for every time I've felt the need to defend THAT decision...... My point is, there are a LOT of politics tied to being a mother, and my advice would be to ignore all and do what is right for you. Making hard decisions makes you a good mother. Doing whatever you do with love in your heart makes you a good mother. Trying your best under difficult circumstances makes you a good mother. Good luck, whatever you do you're going to be amazing! (To all the about to be moms!)

Battersea Park Zoo

I know exactly what you are talking about, that sounds like my boy since turning two! Most days are a rollercoster of very very good and very very grim moods. We've decided to view it as a phase. I hate to admit it, but I'm actually a bit relieved that someone else is going through what we are!

Quite often when I'm parked in regular stalls we get back to the car and someone has parked so close to our car that I can't get my kid into his car seat. That little extra bit of room gets him in and out safely. I know that parents shouldn't get special treatment, but it's also true that life with a toddler is scary enough. If a trip to any business is nightmarish with him than I really do stop going (childless people smiling everywhere). But the wise businesses know this, hence parent stalls.

Am gobsmacked. A bar opened. It sells sushi. The end.

..........but they would buy it from a place that smelled that bad? And seriously, how does one differentiate between the meat and fish piled on the pavement awaiting collection and the meat and fish piled up on the pavement awaiting a consumer with a bad sense of smell? Like I said, fill your boots..........

Um, the thing is, meat and especially fish should not smell like that. Fresh fish does not smell much at all, so the worse the smell basically means the older the fish. Anyone with a sense of adventure and strong constitution I say fill your boots. But I'm assuming my gag reflex serves some biological purpose, in this case to avoid eating the perishable (perished?) dodgy offerings on Rye Lane. If you can actually walk into the shop, wait ten seconds, and not feel like you've just eaten a beggar's sock served in a dirty ashtray then I'd say you're tough enough for ?1 whole chickens.

I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you're okay. As I posted on the "walked safely to LL" thread, crime IS happening here, and there are real victims who, I might point out, are no different than anyone else, kung fu or not. There is always such a thing as wrong place wrong time, but I think many of us are starting to wonder what might now be the right place at the right time? I love how people who have just been lucky are so convinced that they don't look like victims. I promise you that to "Stabby" and his friends we all look the same.

That's so funny! I'm laughing so hard because I live near Goose Green and in the middle of the night someone did get into my house and managed to go through everything and take stuff (including our wallets and passports). My child was asleep alone in his bedroom and a "for real" bad person was in my house and I didn't know it. Isn't that a hoot? And a few days later a "for real" bad person kicked in my next door neighbors' doors, and took all of their stuff including computer equipment holding an entire career's worth of work. Oh my god so funny, a real knee slapper. Crime happens here. Nasty crime with real victims. Maybe you could just feel glad that you have been lucky so far?