When did your children start having proper friends?

[sanity girl]

It's my daughter's 3rd birthday soon and as I was thinking about organising a party for her I realised she doesn't really have any proper friends - I only came up with three other children to invite - her cousin who is 18 mths older, and two friends' children who are slightly younger. I felt a bit sad that she doesn't have any proper friends yet to invite, and I wondered if this is down to a failing on my part to organise weekend activities with her peers etc or whether it is normal for 3 year olds to not really socialise like that yet. The problem is compounded by the fact that she was born in Italy and we moved back here when she was 15 mths, so I don't have any of the usual NCT/antenatal buddies with children the same age - they are all back in Italy. She does go to nursery (not local) and interacts with the other children there, but hasn't formed any obvious bonds with particular children. I've noticed that when we do socialise with friends who have children (all younger than her) she is much more interested in interacting with the adults than the children. What are your thoughts? Should I be making more of an effort on her behalf to make "play dates" and so on, or is this all normal?

[littleEDfamily]

Tee hee - I went through the same feelings in prep for my daughter's 3 birthday (noticed she didn't have that many friends). I decided it is fine at 3, but I would be worried at 4/5.

To answer your question, by 2/2.5 she had formed a very close bond with an NCT friend's child (they are obsessed with each other), BUT they had shared a nanny and seen each other on a regular basis since birth AND they just happen to have complementary personalities. I have noticed that our daughter is much more interested in other children that we are bonded to, such as cousins and my close friends' kids (no matter what their age) - maybe they sense there is a connection there (?). I think playdates do have their place, but I've never had much luck in forcing friends on her, and I often find playdates quite stressful! If she is at nursery, she's probably very well socialised, so I wouldn't fret and it's only a year and a half til school by which time she'll definitely start making friends.

PS I can't remember having close friends myself until I was around 5.........maybe I am an inherently unlikeable exception, though!

[candj]

Hi Sanity Girl,

I think it's totally normal not to have many friends until they reach school age (4-5 years old). My eldest has one really good friend who happens to be a neighbour who always gets invited to birthdays, but we also end up inviting friends/neighbours of mummy and daddy who happened to have similar aged children. My youngest who will be three this summer is in the same situation as she has a few local friends but as we lived abroad hasn't the same amount as my eldest (although she thinks all her sister's friends are indeed her friends and talks about them as such). I also didn't do any NCT classes and the antenatal classes I took were all in Central London.

I think a few friends for a third birthday party is perfectly acceptable and your daughter will be thrilled anyway. Just wait until she starts reception and the season of birthday parties/after school play dates begin as she'll have more friends than you'll know what to do with (or want to deal with)!

Hope this helps!

-C

btw, congratulations on news of your second!

[sanity girl]

Thanks for your replies - that's reassuring. I remember having a very close friend aged 3, but then like your daughter and her friend we were looked after together and our families were very close. And I have photos of my 4th birthday party with many little friends, some of whom I am still in touch with now! I guess I shouldn't worry too much and let things take their natural course. I have attempted to organise play dates in the past, but everyone seems to be so busy at weekends!

And thanks candj for the congrats!