Ill considered comment about child cancer patient.

[curlykaren]

Is it just me? Or is it TOTALLY inappropriate that this afternoon, in the post office on forest hill road, a woman approached the childminder of a four year old cancer patient, who has lost all his hair due to chemotherapy. To ask, if it would not be better if he put his bandanna back on his head as his baldness would be upsetting for other children???? I can only hope that upon reflection this lady has realised how rude, inconsiderate and selfish her remark was, and am thankful that the little guy in question was too engrossed in the magazines to have heard her comment..

I remain stunned at the inhumanity!

[Fuschia]

How sad. My little boy has asked before about things like that, eg a lady we say yesterday missing some fingers, and it's a useful chance to talk about different people and their circumstances. It's not nice to think about a child who has cancer but who knows when our childen might find themselves close to it, either via a friend, someone at school, or god forbid, a brush with serious illness themselves. We can't wrap them in cotton wool and the little boy concerned should be able to go out and about without being whispered about!

[Belle]

poor, poor little guy - as if he hadn't already been through enough, but as you say thank god he didn't notice the busybody! How can anyone be so insensitive - not asking how he is or anything but saying he should cover his head. unbelievable.

[candj]

Agree with Fuschia. When my daughter asks why someone is, for example in a wheelchair or uses crutches I explain that some people have difficulty in walking, etc. Would never try to ignore the situation or try to shield her from it. Terrible for the poor child, but glad he seemed oblivious to the incident. Some people are incredibly insensitive.

[Ruth_Baldock]

How inconsiderate and sad :( Something similar happened to my sister when she was having chemo (when she was 7, she's 17 now) and someone loudly asked my Mum why she was still 'so bald' at her age. My Mum went on to explain that she had leukemia and the person in question remarked how it was a shame for her to lose her hair because she wasn't pretty now! For the record, my sister is gorgeous even without hair and she promptly threw up on the woman's coat and shoes (a side effect of the chemo or good timing? Hmm, who knows?)

[buggie]

Can't believe people can be so rude - wish I'd been the childminder - I've got my come back already "Upsetting for the other children or for you?" Especially if (as I'm guessing) the other children were probably playing/chatting quite happily without showing any signs of distress.

Is v obvious that sadly the woman had issues with it and was worried about the questions her children would ask later.

Cripes knows how she copes with difficult questions from her children if she's so keen to avoid situations like this!

[Keef]

Ill considered comment about child cancer patient.

Yes it was, but to be honest, I'm not sure it needed to be posted on here so that everyone can agree what a nasty piece of work this woman was. The kid (luckily) didn't hear, so there was no real harm done.

Having a word with the woman might have made her rethink her actions. Posting about it on here has no positive effect other than to give everyone something to tut about.

Just my opinion.

[Rogue Apostrophe]

Yes I didn't understand what the point of posting this was. Of course it's not just you that thinks this is an inappropriate comment, but far better to speak to the woman about her actions instead of bringing it up on here which is a bit like pi**ing into the wind.

[candj]

Rogue Apostrophe - Would it have been better to put it in the lounge with the other more pointless threads?

To be honest, it is a valid topic and something all parents will have to consider at some point with children. In my humble opinion and sorry to contribute to p*ssing into the wind.

[Keef]

Would it have been better to put it in the lounge with the other more pointless threads?

Probably better to just not have started it.

[Belle]

I can think of many threads, lots of them mine no doubt, which really are pointless. Sometimes people like to remark on something they've encountered that day - isn't that fair enough on a discusion forum?

[candj]

As I said, I think it is a valid thread and who is to say that someone cannot start a thread about a topic they wish to discuss?

[Belle]

Agreed (realised my post not v clear)

[Keef]

Not looking to start a ruck. Anyone can start a thread on anything, but in this case, it just seems like a reason for everyone to condemn some unknown woman, for a comment she made.

For all we know, she could be the nicest person in the world (or not), and didn't think before she spoke.

[candj]

The words to describe her actions were 'ill considered' and 'insensitive' - pretty mild considering what she said and doesn't appear to be a lot of bandwagon condemning (although the thread is young). Further, several of us raise the point of when our own children ask us questions about other peoples' differences. Good to know that others have this situation arise and how they handle it because it can be awkward.

Edited to add - Keef you are the one who used the term 'nasty piece of work' not anyone else.

[sillywoman]

But Keef, we're girls, this is what we do; chit-chat, exchanging views on who said what & how we feel about it, that's how we get on in our lives and learn things. Think dolphins using sonar to get a bearing on their position. It's the same as that. We use sharing personal experiences to get a moral 'sonar' reading on whether our responses are appropriate or not. That's all it is, Rogue apostrophe called it 'p***ing i the wind', but I think 'moral sonar' has a nicer ring to it. :)

[Keef]

Hmmm, perhaps I shouldn't try to chat with "girls", as I find it all a bit scary in here at times. :-S

To be fair to Rogue apostrophe, I think their point was, that speaking to the woman at the time would have been useful, saying nothing, then posting on here does nothing to actually help the situation, hence the term "p!ssing in the wind", i.e. a bit pointless.

So do you all see what the majority say on here (via sonar), then decide on what is morally right, based on what everyone else thinks? ;-)

[The Nappy Lady]

Also, at the very worst CurlyKaren's original post could be claimed to be her 'speaking out' before thinking, in the same way the woman in the Post Office did. I'm not sure I would have wanted to confront the lady there and then, for fear of the child becoming aware of it, which would have been awful (if she reacted badly to effectively being 'told off' by a total stranger). Sometimes if you hear or see something that makes you feel an extreme emotion you need to go and share it with others (again maybe this is a girl thing, I think boys/men deal with a lot more stuff internally). I guess to a certain extent we do all 'gossip' on here, hands up but I would say it is pretty harmless stuff.

Of course on a basic level the post was not necessary, but in the wider scheme of things, if it makes us all stop and think or deal with a situation like this better in the future, with or without our own children this can only be a good thing.

I think what I find most sad is that the woman thought the sight of a bald head might upset other children. In my experience children deal with stuff like this much better than adults. They may want to have a good look, and ask questions about it, but if you deal with it openly and honestly they just accept it as 'fact' and get on with it.

Poor little boy, I do hope he makes a full recovery, and Ruth, big up to your sister for getting such wonderful 'revenge' all those years ago!

Molly

[Keef]

I guess to a certain extent we do all 'gossip' on here, hands up but I would say it is pretty harmless stuff.

Harmless unless you get your name and photo on the Daily Mail website!

Generally though, you're probably right, and I shall say no more.

Oh, and for the record, best wishes to the little boy, no one that young should have to go through a cancer battle, it sucks!

[The Nappy Lady]

Yes, yes, I was trying to avoid mentioning that thread Keef, but truly it was an exception to a very well established rule, even you must admit??

Compared to the rest of the forum it is incredibly rare to get any nasty, negative or whatever comments in here. C'mon 'nudge, nudge' you know were nice....;-)

I think I am slowly but surely casting you in the role of 'Headmaster' in this part of the forum, keeping all us 'naughty girls' in line!!!!

Are you this strict with your wife?

Molly

[sb]

.

[Polly D]

Nothing wrong at all with venting and sharing on here - completely what some parts of the forum are for. I mean, there is something about everything on here.

Aside from the totally sad unfairness of a four-old cancer patient, witnessing this kind of reaction must have been gobsmacking. And probably right that the OP discussed it on here afterwards rather than confronting the lady in the PO, especially as the little boy was unaware of the comment.

I remember a similar discussion when there was a new CBeebies (I think) presenter with a missing limb and many parents felt that their children just accepted differences, although they often need careful and tactful explaining, without being patronizing, very hard I imagine.

Just as I dread my son asking me lots of questions as he grows up that I won't be able to answer because I didn't always listen at school.

[sillywoman]

Keef Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

>

> So do you all see what the majority say on here

> (via sonar), then decide on what is morally right,

> based on what everyone else thinks? ;-)

Of course - is ma posse innit!;-)

[candj]

Yes that presenter on Ceebeebees, I can't remember her name, but remember there being a reaction by some thinking she would offend children because she was missing the lower half of her arm and how unfair it seemed. The funny thing is I watch Ceebeebees with both my children and neither has ever mentioned anything.

Headmaster Keef - we love you in here, but sometimes I think you just like playing devil's advocate ;-). But I do understand where you're coming from as the other unmentionable thread did go a bit haywire much to the chagrin of most of us.

[Keef]

I think I am slowly but surely casting you in the role of 'Headmaster' in this part of the forum, keeping all us 'naughty girls' in line!!!!

Are you this strict with your wife?

You must be bloody joking!

Okay ladies, kinky as it may be, I cetainly don't mean to sound like a headmaster (if you knew me, you'd laugh at that idea), but I also don't play Devil's Advocate, I just believe in what I believe, and will voice it.

I probably do have a different outlook, born simply from the fact I'm male, and sometimes I think that conversations on here get a bit carried away with group outrage.

sb, I would never dream of trying to change anyone, but just because I disagree with a general point, does not make me wrong (or right). I do enjoy some of the threads on here, and I ignore some too. There are some however, that make me grimace, and I feel I need to have a say just like all of you.

For the record, I fecking hate Top Gear, and have never driven a car in my life.

I don't know though, I am feeling like perhaps I should step away from the family room, because I like a debate, and I don't say "Hugs" at the end of all my posts, so I don't quite fit in.