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Now the Fish has a love - if not necessity - for water, but too much of it in the wrong place is not welcome. The Fish came back, last night, to find the garden looking like a rice field. Apparently, Neighbour number one has left a hose on

(Friday night) and Neighbour number two, noticed that their garden was saturated with water (Saturday am). Suffice to say, there is "nobody at the inn" and Thames Water cannot access the property, without permission. Apparently, Southwark's Environmental Health may have the power to gain access into the property - their website is down and it's

too early to telephone! And no, cannot get over the fence - it's far too high, plus we cannot tresspass!Well, another few

inches and the cats will be swimming to the kitchen door and, heaven help us, if it rains. The dead floating slugs, may just swing it - and the council will decide that this is an environmental crisis and come to the rescue, forthwith......?

Oh, happy days.

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Cant Thames Water cut the water off from the stop cock in the street? If there is one for this property alone it just means lifting the metal access hole and using the relevant tool to switch off.... course if the main stop cock services more than this house could be problematic! One extreme to another!

hate to be a harbinger of doom but anyone actually checked the premises to make sure its secure, because as well as crapping in your bed,and sticking your toothbrush up their hole some burglars also like to compound their victims misery by leaving a few taps running.

even if thats not the case where is the hose running from its got to be from an inside tap and most likely stuck out through a window,in that case get over that fence and try and turn it off,failing that give the hose a good tug it might come off the tap,failing that feed it into someone elses garden.

Result. Water supply has now been turned off, Neighbour Number One's house secure. Neighbour's Two and

Three are modelling the latest designer footwear - 24/7 wellington boots. Cat's have been fitted with

mini-rubber rings and dead slugs will be collected up and incinerated. I feel awful saying this, but - if like me -

you do not like to put down pellets to kill said slugs, this is one way of getting rid of them, without the guilt trip.

Move over Noah, the Ark about to sail will depart from a garden in East Dulwich at .............?

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